Wednesday QOTD!!!

Ok girls, twist my arm, I'll stay!

Today's question(s) is a little different...it's not going to apply to everyone, but enquiring minds want to know!

They say that our wedding day is the most important day of our lives...and I completely agree, lives THUS far. So this question is for all of our hot mommas...will your wedding day STILL be the most important day of your lives, even though you have given birth to a child/children? For me, as much as I know this is the most important day of my life so far, it will be surpassed as soon as FH and I welcome our first little monkey.



So part two of this question is for the vast majority of other girls...didn't want to leave anyone out!

Girls who live with FH already....basically you're common law man and wife. So...why bother. Ok, that came out rude, but my underlying question remains the same...what makes you feel that a piece of paper and a ceremony is going to change your relationship? Do you think it will change things, or stay the same. Like if it ain't broke, don't fix it...that's just my take on it, but I'm in the small minority here who does not live with FH, and am pretty traditional, so while my question may be blunt, I'm very curious to hear your thought process.

Discuss!

Part 1 - I tia with you, most important day of my life thus far...it will def be second to the birth of our children. But it is still a day you will always remember

Part 2 - I live with FH, we have been living together for a year and a half now. At first, I felt what is the point, everything is working out now, but then I started to realize that eventually I would want kids and a family, and I wanted to get married. Fh is older and would have gotten married a year and a half ago. Now, I am totally ready. I guess it's different for everyone, but living together before was a great experience for us, but I think at the end of the day we both want to be married. I don't think it will change our relationship, other than saying husband and wife!

I am also blunt and I personally cannot fathom marrying someone I didn't live with before. In my opinion, that period of pre-wedding living together is where you get all of your little idiocincracies out so that you don't have to worry about dealing with any suprises at the beginning of the marriage. I like to say always test drive the car before you buy it, lol.

Then again I have a girlfriend who did live with her husband before and says she now wishes she wouldn't have because it would have made it more special. It is all how you look at it. I do see how some traditionalists would want that special feeling.

Though FH and I live together now, I think it is important for us to get married for several reasons. First off, though not very romantic, we need to be married for legal reasons and to share health benefits. Two) Getting married and making it legal adds a sort of special permanence to it where it really cements the fact that we are pledging to spend the rest of our lives together.

I think it is all about what is important to the individual. To me, it was important for us to live together beforehand so we can work through any little issues before we settled down into marriage.

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Posted by ace730

I am also blunt and I personally cannot fathom marrying someone I didn't live with before. In my opinion, that period of pre-wedding living together is where you get all of your little idiocincracies out so that you don't have to worry about dealing with any suprises at the beginning of the marriage. I like to say always test drive the car before you buy it, lol.

Then again I have a girlfriend who did live with her husband before and says she now wishes she wouldn't have because it would have made it more special. It is all how you look at it. I do see how some traditionalists would want that special feeling.

Though FH and I live together now, I think it is important for us to get married for several reasons. First off, though not very romantic, we need to be married for legal reasons and to share health benefits. Two) Getting married and making it legal adds a sort of special permanence to it where it really cements the fact that we are pledging to spend the rest of our lives together.

I think it is all about what is important to the individual. To me, it was important for us to live together beforehand so we can work through any little issues before we settled down into marriage.

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I have to say I totally agree with you. I have been living with my FH and I personally think it's extrememly important to do this before you get married. You really learn so much about someone and you get to see how things would work out living together. With the divorce rates so high today, I think this is very important.

I personally cant imagine not living with my FH at this point. We are as close as ever now and I dont think personally you can reach that closeness with someone when you are not(just my opinion). We reached a point in our relationship where we were staying at each others places anyway so it made sense to move in with each other.

And I cant wait for my wedding day! We are living together but we are not married legally yet. I cant wait for the day that I can call him my husband and me his wife.

I think that a more polite way to ask the second question would be something like 'if you already live with your FH, what do you think would change once you get married' without all of the 'why bother' nonsense.

i have lived with my FH for a few years now, and no, we are not basically common law man and wife.

here are some of the rights i am looking forward to earning once the love of my life and i are legal married

-not be forced to testify against one another in court

-medical decisions, hospital visitation rights

-seek wrongful death compensation

-access to estate without a will

-maintain insurance for spouse

-worker's comp and death benefits

-crime victims awards/rights for victimized spouse

and also the whole 'nonsense' of the catholic ceremony and standing up in front of our loved ones and promising our love and lives to one another is important to us

i very much enjoyed the time that my FH and i have spent living together. we have gotten to know each other on a very close, very intimate level. it just makes us all the more excited and confident that we have a very strong and open relationship that will only grow stonger once legally married.

i respect your 'tradition' yet i think that each relationship has it's own path and i think living together was ours....

We have no children yet so can't answer the first part lol


Even though we live together we still want to make it official for legal reasons such as for taxes, in case one of us passes away we have rights to each others property and are able to carry out each others wishes, health insurance etc and also for religious reasons. We have only been living together for about a month or so and we have learned alot from each other such as me teaching him to clean up after himself, that he does not have a slave and other little things i have taught him...lol.. So i feel that its better to get these things out of the way now rather than later. So to me and also FH we felt that before we got married we needed to live together so all the little surprises can already be out in the open. In this past month we have grown extremely close, the petty fights we used to have are now gone because we are able to better express ourselves in person rather than having to deal with the phone since before we only saw each other once a week. So this was very essential to us moving in.

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Posted by alli3131

FH & I live together and nope no common law in NYS so yeah you have to get married for the rights. I don't think our relationship will change at all. ANd really I hope it doesn't. We decided to live together to make sure we could. And believe me it was not easy at first so I'm glad we got the living together growing pains out of the way.

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ITA with everything you just said! Also i want to have atleast one child and Im traditional in the sense that I want to be married before having a baby. No offense to anyone who already has children. Thats just me.

NICE QUESTION! Well I live with my FH for 5 years now. We both have 1 child ( boys ) For the entire relationship we have paid bills, purchased an investment property, paid more bills, paid of each others debt, let the boys become close.. etc etc.. NOW with the wedding this is a new START for us!! A fresh begining. It will not change nothing in the relationship. Just stand in front of each other and promise to love one another forever! He is very excited and calls me everyday about this while im at work. Before the wedding in Oct our BILLS will be 100% paid.. no CC, no car notes , nothing.. so we look foward to traveling with the boys when there off.. and MAKING A BABY of our own! When we got together we always said since we both have one we will be married when we have our 1 together since we both learned from prev relationships So we want to have our child MARRIED!! And its good for our boys to see us trying to do it right! Awwwww. now im more excited! So to us its just a FRESH START in OUR NEW HOME!! Besides that it will also help with personal things like insurance etc.. his insurance with the BOard of Ed is alot cheaper then mines.. he pays like $20 a month.. for a family it will be nothing.. then there are accounts for our kids we want to open jointly things like that..

FH and I have been together for 17 years, with a few breakups in there in the early few (we were in school- you know how that goes).

He's from PA, I'm from NY, so after we graduated, there was a lot of back and forth. Neither of us were ready to get married.

Then, I had an extremely unfortunate family situation to deal with, and this situation continued for about 10 years. Getting married at that time was just not feasible.

Now that my family situation has 'resolved', for lack of a better word, we wanted to get married. We have been talking about it for years, and it just seemed like the right time. We're not kids anymore. At some point, living together just felt like an extension of young adulthood. For me, I wanted our relationship to grow beyond that. We are already each other's best friends, but there is something about gathering everyone we love in one room and saying it to them that makes it more special.

It doesn't change the sentiment. However, I won't argue that there is some increased comfort in having that piece of paper. It makes me the keeper of his life, and his of mine, and that's okay with me.

And regarding living together before the wedding, I am very respectful of other's beliefs and traditions. However, I have been friends with people, and then I have lived with them, and just from this small experience, it was clear to me that living with someone is an ENTIRELY different experience than 'being with them'. That was a minefield we needed to cross before we actually stepped up to the altar, I thought. And if it didn't work, we wouldn't wind up in divorce court, but just 2 people breaking up. Thank goodness it didn't turn out that way. So to me, I can't imagine getting married without living with someone first, much like I'm sure someone else can't imagine why I would live in sin, or why, after I did, I would bother getting the piece of paper. As the singer of the Diff'rent Strokes theme song said, it takes Different Strokes. I find that to be truly profound. Unfortunately, the child stars of Diff'rent Strokes were not as open to the messages of their shows as I was to the message of their theme song. No wonder Sam got molested.

fh and i chose to live together before marriage because a. its extremeley economical when you live in nyc b. after college I think you should go on your own ...i think its very uncomfortable to live in your parents house . c. real life = bills , money stress, cooking, cleaning, sharing personal space etc .. you can be prepared and have an amazing solid relationship but just be unable to live toegther and deal with these day to day stresses .. in todays society with the divorce rate where it is i wanted to be sure we could get through the real daily grind before we commited to eachother on a lawful platform.

our relationship will change because we can not break up without lots of money and an attorney

to say your vows out loud in front of family and friends is a not only a promise to eachother but to everyone in your life , your future children etc its imprtant for us to do that

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Posted by coldasice217


So part two of this question is for the vast majority of other girls...didn't want to leave anyone out!

Girls who live with FH already....basically you're common law man and wife. So...why bother. Ok, that came out rude, but my underlying question remains the same...what makes you feel that a piece of paper and a ceremony is going to change your relationship? Do you think it will change things, or stay the same. Like if it ain't broke, don't fix it...that's just my take on it, but I'm in the small minority here who does not live with FH, and am pretty traditional, so while my question may be blunt, I'm very curious to hear your thought process.

Discuss!

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We have been living together for about half a year ... FH says it's for the tax break But he's kidding ... we always wanted to get married, living together just happened to come first for us. We want to I guess declare it to all the world that we are together and committed to each other ... and plus ... we wanted to throw a rad party ;)

Good question!

the most important day of my life will depend how long im in labor for

just kidding..my kids birth will def be the most important because even without that marriage license i know what fh and i have and i dont need new york state to tell me...i mean i want to be married but if i couldnt for some reason that does not mean i would not consider him my hubby...so in saying that because we have found each other the msot important day to me is looking at what our love together has made

Part 1: I absolutely think that the birth of our first child will become the 'best day of our lives' :)

Part 2: I live with FH now and I don't think that getting married will change much about our relationship (I hope not anyway) and my reasons for sealing the deal are more of a togetherness and family reason. I would not want our children to have a different last name than me and I am very traditional in some aspects and for me I would never have children out of wedlock, it's just not for me.

1st question

I know I'm going to be in the minority for this but IMO without my wedding day there would be no birth of my child so I think my wedding day would still be my favorite day for the rest of my life plus I CANNOT wait to wear my dress and don't think a hospital gown will compare.



2nd question


FH lives with Me & My Mom....its NOT the same as being on our own so I CANNOT wait till its just the 2 of us.

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Posted by ace730

I am also blunt and I personally cannot fathom marrying someone I didn't live with before. In my opinion, that period of pre-wedding living together is where you get all of your little idiocincracies out so that you don't have to worry about dealing with any suprises at the beginning of the marriage. I like to say always test drive the car before you buy it, lol.

Then again I have a girlfriend who did live with her husband before and says she now wishes she wouldn't have because it would have made it more special. It is all how you look at it. I do see how some traditionalists would want that special feeling.

Though FH and I live together now, I think it is important for us to get married for several reasons. First off, though not very romantic, we need to be married for legal reasons and to share health benefits. Two) Getting married and making it legal adds a sort of special permanence to it where it really cements the fact that we are pledging to spend the rest of our lives together.

I think it is all about what is important to the individual. To me, it was important for us to live together beforehand so we can work through any little issues before we settled down into marriage.

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ITA w/ every word!