FH found out that my mom wants to make the shower AFTER the wedding as a type of 'homecoming' (even though we already live together and even though there are perfectly workable weekends before the wedding to have a shower). I think this is weird, because people will have just been to out wedding and given us presents. Also, my sister would not be able to fly up north again right after the wedding. But she will be in for my bachelorette party before the wedding, and my shower was supposed to be then! FH has found out that no one has been invited to anything and no plans have been made. My mom used to go on and on about how great her shower was when she got married, and I was really excited.
My thoughts are that if the shower isn't planned for before my wedding, I would rather just not have anything because I think it is rude to ask people who just gave you a large wedding gift to come to yet another party.
I am not supposed to know about any of this. How would you handle it? Should I try to talk to my mom even though I am not supposed to know anything?
MrsDrinkh20
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I might see if FH would talk to your mom...if he won't then I would just do itmyself. i agree that a shower after the wedding isn't a great idea...
Lisa909
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Maybe your shower is really going to be before the wedding but your mom is just trying to really surprise you and your FH is actually in on it.....
MLAngelo
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I think thats odd and not sure how people would feel about going to a post wedding shower. I would personally feel like its just asking for gifts at that point. I would be honest, say you got wind of the plans and that you think its a bad idea. Or technically moms shouldn't plan the shower, etiquette says its asking for gifts, although no one follows that anymore. But it might be your excuse here to have your bms get involved and organize it instead.
EsquireBride
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Posted by Lisa909
Maybe your shower is really going to be before the wedding but your mom is just trying to really surprise you and your FH is actually in on it.....
I have unfortunately seen the emails myself, so it would have to be a really elaborate scheme. I also would be really upset if this were true, because FH knows how upset I am getting over this.
CandB4604
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Wait, so FH told you? Hmm...What if I said FH should maybe talk to your mom? I'm not saying that he should lie or anything, but what if he mentioned to her, 'Hey , just wanted you to know that she keeps talking about how she can't wait to have her shower and thinks it'll really make her feel like a bride, etc.' Something where your mom will think, 'Huh, she really wants this thing before the wedding.'
I'm still confused why she'd throw you a shower after your wedding, though. I think that would really bother me, too. I'm sorry. If it bothers you enough and FH doesn't want to say anything to your mom (not sure how close they are) then is there anyone else that could have told you besides him? Because maybe you should say something to her, but I wouldn't want her to get mad at FH for telling you...HTH!
Lisa909
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Posted by EsquireBride
Posted by Lisa909
Maybe your shower is really going to be before the wedding but your mom is just trying to really surprise you and your FH is actually in on it.....
I have unfortunately seen the emails myself, so it would have to be a really elaborate scheme. I also would be really upset if this were true, because FH knows how upset I am getting over this.
Well if that's the case then FH should talk to your mom about this! You need to have your bridal shower before the wedding
pandafish519
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
i agree with everyone.. i think a Bridal shower after the wedding defeats the purpose of a bridal shower. i would have FH talk to your mom. Good Luck!!
B2B 2009
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I would definately talk to your mom.. and tell her your feelings.. Although you're not supposed to know about your shower per say.. you usually know you're having one before your wedding.. and this is very different and should def be addressed.. good luck!
HappyBride22
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Posted by Lisa909
Maybe your shower is really going to be before the wedding but your mom is just trying to really surprise you and your FH is actually in on it.....
Thats what I was thinking.....I'm mean and like to drive people crazy to surprise them...this is sooo something I would do...yet I would be just as nervous as you are if someone did that to me
geegee827
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Either you or FH need to talk to your mom about it. Everyone knows they're getting a shower before the wedding, it's just usually a surprise as to when - you're not ruining anything by mentioning it.
browneyes
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
i would try n get ur Fh to talk to ur mom about it.. and if that dosnt work then just come out n tell ur mom urself tell her if she dosnt want to have it be4 the wedding then u dont want one im sure she will understand ... .Good Luck
Im a Pepper
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I agree with you and PP's that a bridal shower after the wedding isn't the best idea. People have shelled out a lot of money for gifts and travel. I also agree that it's better if FH brings it up. It's also OK for FH to say that he personally knows you want a bridal shower before the wedding. That doesn't necessarily tell anyone that you know what the plan is. GL!
ttdiff11
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
id have fh talk to ur mom or id just say something myself, good luck
Espo22
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
Yeah that is a bit weird and never heard of anyone doing this so I think alot of people would think its weird and not understand why its done this way.
I would have your Fh talk to your mom. Say that he casually mentioned what your thoughts were on a shower after the wedding and you told him that you HATE the idea. ALso have him remind her that your sister wouldn't be able to make it after the wedding.
MrsList09
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I agree that it's weird and a little rude to ask people to give gifts again. Although maybe your mom is trying to throw FH off the scent to make it a surprise? Can you get FH to talk her out of it? It is a little suspect since it's getting to the time when your shower should be...
coldasice217
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Re: weird bridal shower issue - need advice
I would talk to your mom directly. Especially if you're upset about it. I know I would be, and it would be awful to not say anything, and then god forbid it was the truth and you don't have a shower, you would regret it and be so unhappy with everything. Good luck, keep us posted!
