Weird cousin/BM situation (sorry it's long)
My cousin and I used to be very close (between like 2000-2003ish). She was like the little sister I never had and because my Aunt and Uncle were very protective of her, they almost felt better letting her go out with me (because I was family and older) then letting her go out with her friends. We used to do everything together, movies, vacation, nails, etc.
In 2003 we went on vacation to Cancun where she met her now husband. From the time we got back, and they started dating, it was like I didn't exist and she didn't have time for me. I let it slide but we hung out less and less and I hardly ever even talked to her.
In Nov of that year we went out one night and she started talking about how she thought they were going to get engaged and specifically told me she wanted me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. In December they got engaged and began wedding planning. She continued to neglect our friendship over the next several months. I was always the one who called or emailed, etc. One night we were talking about her wedding and instead of just coming out and saying that she didn't want me as her MOH she just started calling me 'one of the bridesmaids'. I called her out on it and she lied and said 'well I'm not sure' when she had already picked and asked someone else. I told her I thought it was a crappy thing to do and basically stopped putting any effort into the friendship from that point on. I didn't talk to her for months and she finally texted me asking when I was available to go looking at dresses. At this point, any closeness we had was gone and I really didn't support her marriage as I thought she was rushing into it just to get out of her parents house (she was only 21 and they had only known each other for 4 months before getting engaged). I called her and told her I didn't feel I should be in the wedding as we weren't even that close anymore and she went off saying I was jealous of her and all this stuff. We've since reconciled and I went to her wedding but we don't really even talk outside of family get togethers.
So now, FH and I are engaged. I guess she heard it through the grapevine and before we even got home from our vacation there was a congrats card waiting for us. She has been sending me messages on myspace and IMing me over the last week (I haven't been around to answer). I had this sneaking suspicion she was thinking/wanting me to ask her to be in my bridal party.
Last night she IMed me so I answered back. She started all this wedding talking about where I was looking and what colors I wanted and I knew that the bridal party was going to come up. I kept trying to change the subject but she eventually asked 'how big is your bridal party going to be?' Now I know exactly who I am going to ask, and she isn't one of the people. So I just said I wasn't sure because FH has no idea who he is going to ask, so numbers are up in the air.
I just don't know how to address this. I know it is eventually going to come up that I am not going to ask her and honestly I can't believe she would think I would. I just feel like she is trying to insert herself back into my life (she asked me to have dinner with her) because she thinks then I will ask her.
I specifically haven't asked anyone (except my sis who knowns without asking that she will be my MOH) as I know a lot can change in 2 years. I figure I will ask everyone at our engagement party next summer. I figured I might ask her to do a reading during the ceremony, but I don't know how to tell her I am not asking her to be in the bridal party if it comes up (and I am almost certain she will bring it up).
Any suggestions?
In 2003 we went on vacation to Cancun where she met her now husband. From the time we got back, and they started dating, it was like I didn't exist and she didn't have time for me. I let it slide but we hung out less and less and I hardly ever even talked to her.
In Nov of that year we went out one night and she started talking about how she thought they were going to get engaged and specifically told me she wanted me to be her maid of honor in her wedding. In December they got engaged and began wedding planning. She continued to neglect our friendship over the next several months. I was always the one who called or emailed, etc. One night we were talking about her wedding and instead of just coming out and saying that she didn't want me as her MOH she just started calling me 'one of the bridesmaids'. I called her out on it and she lied and said 'well I'm not sure' when she had already picked and asked someone else. I told her I thought it was a crappy thing to do and basically stopped putting any effort into the friendship from that point on. I didn't talk to her for months and she finally texted me asking when I was available to go looking at dresses. At this point, any closeness we had was gone and I really didn't support her marriage as I thought she was rushing into it just to get out of her parents house (she was only 21 and they had only known each other for 4 months before getting engaged). I called her and told her I didn't feel I should be in the wedding as we weren't even that close anymore and she went off saying I was jealous of her and all this stuff. We've since reconciled and I went to her wedding but we don't really even talk outside of family get togethers.
So now, FH and I are engaged. I guess she heard it through the grapevine and before we even got home from our vacation there was a congrats card waiting for us. She has been sending me messages on myspace and IMing me over the last week (I haven't been around to answer). I had this sneaking suspicion she was thinking/wanting me to ask her to be in my bridal party.
Last night she IMed me so I answered back. She started all this wedding talking about where I was looking and what colors I wanted and I knew that the bridal party was going to come up. I kept trying to change the subject but she eventually asked 'how big is your bridal party going to be?' Now I know exactly who I am going to ask, and she isn't one of the people. So I just said I wasn't sure because FH has no idea who he is going to ask, so numbers are up in the air.
I just don't know how to address this. I know it is eventually going to come up that I am not going to ask her and honestly I can't believe she would think I would. I just feel like she is trying to insert herself back into my life (she asked me to have dinner with her) because she thinks then I will ask her.
I specifically haven't asked anyone (except my sis who knowns without asking that she will be my MOH) as I know a lot can change in 2 years. I figure I will ask everyone at our engagement party next summer. I figured I might ask her to do a reading during the ceremony, but I don't know how to tell her I am not asking her to be in the bridal party if it comes up (and I am almost certain she will bring it up).
Any suggestions?
