what do I call my MIL?

LisaT Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:32 PM

what do I call my MIL?

When we first got engaged my parents told Al that he wasn't allowed to call them Mr. & Mrs. anymore. He could call them by their first names or mom and dad - whatever he felt comfortable with. He adjusted to mom and dad pretty quickly.

I've received no such instruction from his parents. Since the wedding, I've avoiding directly addressing them by name. Al calls his parents Mommy & Poppy -as do all his siblings and their spouses. Am I supposed to just start in with that? I can handle Poppy, but I really don't like calling her Mommy. That was what I called my mother when I was young. I'd have a hard time calling her that.

They're the type to get offended easily (but not really let you know that you've insulted them). And they don't communicate. So it could be that they fully expect me to start calling them Mommy & Poppy and if I say Mrs. X, she'd be insulted for life. Or it could be that they'd think I'm being presumptous calling them that when they never gave me 'permision'...ugh. They're great people but rather difficult...

Any suggestions? Any alternative names for 'Mommy'?

Dawn18Dominick Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:39 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I had the same situation. But about a week ago I was alone with my FMIL and just brought it up. I said something on the lines of ' I know the wedding isnt till oct but would it be okay with you if I call you & Mr B mom & dad?' She was actually excited and said she was waiting for me to bring this up. Sometimes people dont know who should bring it up. But I am glad I did because I maid things so much easier. Give it a shot you might suprise yourself. Good luck

NovemberSue Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:44 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I would talk to her and see what they would like to be called. You don't want to assume one thing or the other and this way she won't be insulted because you'll be calling her what she prefers. I don't know what to call my future in laws either. I'll ask them when it gets closer to the wedding.

LisaT Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:45 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I know she's going to say 'Mommy' and I don't want to call her that.

Suzanne Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:46 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I would call her Mom... if your not comfortable wit Mommy, ( i wouldnt be either) thats the only alternative.. my DH has the same problem with my parents.. hes ok with calling my mom Mom. but his dad left when he was 5 so he has really never called anyone dad before and hes having a hard time figuring it out..i told him to do what ever feels more comfortable for him, and you should do the same...

NIHA Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:47 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I would ask them. When my fi and I started dating, we both casually asked them what I should call them and they wanted me to call them by their first names. You'll never know until you ask.

NovemberSue Posted: Jun 14, 2002 02:49 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

What if you tell her that you call your mom that so you would like to call her something slightly different? Would you call her mom or ma?

Marnles Posted: Jun 14, 2002 03:22 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

Why don't you bring it up to her and say 'Now that the wedding is over, is it okay if I call you MOM'...that way you didn't give her the chance to say 'call me mommy'...good luck with it.

I already spoke with my fmil, and she said she wants me to call her mom. She's so cute, because when she calls our house now she says 'Hi - it's your 'Mom to be!'. She told me that for years and years she never referred to her MIL - she waited for eye contact, because they never had 'the talk' and she felt too awkward bringing it up. Personally, I am so glad I did - I would hate to have gone through life never addressing my in laws by any type of name!!

Melissa Posted: Jun 14, 2002 03:24 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

It's funny you mentioned that, because my FI and I have been together for almost 9 years, and I call his parents by their first names since we first started dating, but my FI til this day has yet to address my parents by anything??? He just goes next to them, and starts talking to them. It's so funny. My parents have told him to address them by whatever he wants, but he has yet to do so. LOL

aug9bride Posted: Jun 14, 2002 03:36 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

berlykim22 Posted: Jun 14, 2002 04:20 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I guess I am totally opposite all you, I dont think I will ever call my future in laws mom and dad, now when I call them I just use there first names and thats what I will always do, Same for him and my parents, when Michael first meet my parents they told him to call them by their first name. His parents never told me what to call them. My parents adore Michael, actually (my whole family does especially my grandma) but I dont think by calling them mom and dad it means anymore, i think its just what you and they are comfortable with. I cant see being comfortable calling anybody but my parents mom and dad.

So my suggestion is before you ask what do you want to call them, then maybe ask them if what you what is good for them? If is going to be coming out of your mouth not theres.

Good luck

Karen62794 Posted: Jun 14, 2002 04:21 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I've been calling my FH's mom by her first name for the past 3 years or so. He still calls my parents Mr and Mrs.

The best thing is to ask her and see what she feels most comfortable with. Everyone is different.

karen

IrishTracy Posted: Jun 14, 2002 04:26 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I always called my FMIL Mrs. XX until she finally said to call her by her name. I think I'm going to stick with that.

JennK Posted: Jun 15, 2002 10:01 AM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

Ive been calling my FMIL by her first name, and then she has emailed me a couple of times lately and signed it as Love Mom...so I guess that is what she wants me to call her.
I agree with Marnles...ask her after the wedding if you can call her 'Mom', dont let her get to suggest 'Mommy'. I think it is ok to call your mother 'Mommy' if she's your real mom, but not if she's not.

lilmrs Posted: Jun 15, 2002 10:52 AM

x?

jennbaby Posted: Jun 16, 2002 08:00 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I know what i'd like to call mine....and its not too nice lol!

michele31 Posted: Jun 16, 2002 08:42 PM

Re: what do I call my MIL?

I call my FMIL by her first name. I don't feel comfortable enough to call her Mom. But she is a super nice and very thoughtful person. I have only met my FFIL once (he is not very involved in his children's lives) and I didn't call him anything. I doubt I ever will really.
My FI calls my parents by their first names too.