What do I say???

jessruth9 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 05:47 PM

What do I say???

Back Story - So my dad is paying for our wedding with some help from me and FH. FFIL said he will pay for our HM and the RD. FMIL has not said anything and we don't feel a need to ask.

We really need to get a final list and we decided that we would give each set of parents their own long table to host their guests. My parents combined came up with 8 couples they wanted to invite so we thought that would be a good standard. I sent an email last week to FFIL & wife and FMIL explaining what we want to do and asking for the names for their tables so we can get a good list for the STDs. FFIL replied two dates later with 10 names and that was OK since two names were FH'd step brother and sister and they were already included. Last Night, FMIL sent me an email with 16 names all of which were couples. That's 32 people and she's not paying for anything???

We have a pretty good relationship but this is insane. She has ignored everything wedding related, setting a date, picking a RH and now this??? What do I say???

donegal419 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:01 PM

Re: What do I say???

Did you mention that the number of people you were allotting? If not, she probably thinks she has free reign... I would tell her that because you are helpign pay for the wedding , it is difficult to have that many extra people.... perhaps you can get FH involved here... perhaps he can help choose from the 32... he can help his Mom pick the people out of those 32 that he wants there... i would assume he knows some or most of them...

jessruth9 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:04 PM

Re: What do I say???

I did include numbers and the table setup as an explanation. FH only knows 4 people on her list!!! I also failed to mention taht all of FH's close family members were one his list and both of his parents have our list.

donegal419 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:05 PM

Re: What do I say???

yikes... then i think she is goign to have to deal... sounds like she wants to invite everyone and their mother to your wedding. . .

rkl1130 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:11 PM

Re: What do I say???

Oh no!

Maybe you can all sit down and go over the number of people to narrow it down? Since she's hasn't really been an active participant, she really should be more mindful.

PegaLega Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:14 PM

Re: What do I say???

tell her very nicely that you apologize but maybe there was a misunderstanding, that there is a number you are going by and just cant do more people. Good Luck!

Christys0925 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 06:31 PM

Re: What do I say???

I would be honest. We had to do cut our guest list down by 35 people. Some of which were family. We explained financially we could not afford for a big anything. We are paying for everything ourselves. I know you FFIL and your family is helping with expenses, but it's still alot of money to add all of those people.

You could say: I am sorry, we would love for you to invite all you close friends , but we can not afford it. Maybe then she will chip in some money .LOL

jessruth9 Posted: Mar 14, 2007 09:18 PM

Re: What do I say???

Thanks ladies! FH and I are going to sit down with her on Sunday and discuss. We've decided to offer her the option to pay for the 16 that we cannot afford. I'm crossing my fingers

Future Mrs. Posted: Mar 14, 2007 09:35 PM

Re: What do I say???

pick a number of guests that you think is appropriate for her to invite.
Then, call her (no email) and explain that you can only afford 6 (or whatever number you had in mind) of her guests.
You have a budget, and you need to stick to it.

Its that simple.
Just say that.....
She will either offer money OR she will cut her list down, which is appropriate if she is not contributing for it.
Period.

Aug07OFCbride Posted: Mar 14, 2007 09:39 PM

Re: What do I say???

Agh, I kinda feel your pain. Wish you best of luck in figuring this out. I sometimes have hard time speaking up so I wouldnt exactly know what to say. I may see if FH could talk to his mom tactfully.

My fam is extremely close and I kept my list reasonable, all fam but a few friends, all closeknit. FH kind of deferred to FMIL when it came to deciding their side's guest list and she came out with this HUGE list of her guests when me and FH expected them to have a ton less than my side bc theyre all OOT (west coast and alaska)....she listed alot of her friends and tons of ppl my FH hasnt seen or talked to in forever and I was kinda stunned bc they havent offered to pay for anything. Now Im stuck! (you know if you read my vent from earlier today)