what do you do to get FH to help clean???? (vent)

I'm so freaking annoyed right now. His two friends are staying at our house this weekend, and FH had all day off. I asked him to please do some cleaning so i wouldn't have to do it all when i get home.

well guess what... he hasn't been home all day!!!! and when i mentioned he was supposed to clean today he says 'ok see you later' and goes to hang up!!!

not to mention he hasn't done dishes in a week!!! It's F*CKING disgusting!!! I end up doing them cuz i can't stand living in filth!!! it's the ONLY thing i ask him to do besides clean up his part of the room. (which he also does once a month)

and when i bring it up he gets all defensive like im nagging... meanwhile he doesn't clean even when i DON'T NAG!!!!
I can't take it anymore!!!

FH and I both share household responsibilities, but there are certain things we each do. He cleans the bathroom (it grosses me out), he almost always takes out the garbage and he'll sometimes do laundry, but he can't fold so he puts it back in the basket and I do all the folding and putting away. Again, since he can't fold, the bedroom is pretty much my domain. We both cook and do dishes.
It wasn't always like this. When we were first living together we would argue over who was doing more, so at one point we had a chart on the fridge. We listed all household chores and everytime we did one we would make a check. Neither of us wanted to look like we weren't doing our share, so we both started doing more and got into certain 'habits.' This may be a good thing for you to try.

LOL thats a good idea!!
thats it. i just have to go on strike!
lets see how many pairs of undies it takes before he has to go buy some! hehe

we have total role reversal in our relationship, he cooks and 'cleans', i take care of the finances...

i say 'cleans' because although he is tidy he doesn't always do a thorough job. he keeps things more organized on a regular basis, but when it comes to REAL cleaning (like getting the grime off the toilet bowl and water spots off the wine glasses), i do a MUCH better job...

i always get in 'trouble' for not making the bed

I have to admit, i'm the fiance that doesn't clean.
FH does the dishes & doesn't even live with me yet.
We both stress about bugs, & I was freaking when I couldn't get to it, so he took it over , since he eats with me.

Sorry, I'm not much help.
mayeb give him little projects, liek you do with kids.
I think I'd do better if I could focus on 1 thing at a time.
Like ask him to say. . . vacuum,before dinner to night.
Throw out the trash in the am.
etc.


you're going to have to be the houskeeping manager. You can't just will him to be clean.

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Posted by tracyg

LOL thats a good idea!!
thats it. i just have to go on strike!
lets see how many pairs of undies it takes before he has to go buy some! hehe

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My favorite thing to do is do my laundry and watch him having to wear these undies that are being held together by a couple of threads!!!

Just reading your post got me all upset and angry all over again...

Me and FI just fought about that 2 days ago. But strikes dont work with him becuase it is almost like he is blind to messes.

Ok... I am calm now...

One way to get him to do what you want is use your 'womanly persuasion' if you get what I mean.

My DH still thinks he lives with his mom. I love my MIL to death but she made sure her little boy never raised a finger....and he still doesnt! LAst week I told him to put his laundry away..ok later. Next night, put it away, later....it went on for 1 week, he finally did it. Yesterday I called him at work and told him he had laundry to put away, ok later...I told him when he got home put it away ok later....well later turned into 11:30pm and we are laying in bed and I know he is drifting off to sleep I switched the light on and said its later put your sh*t away...and he did.

You need to get tough with these men lol

This is a very common problem. I live my FH and I have to say I am lucky because we always work these things out with big fights. I only work part time and he works full time so I think the cleaning should be my responsibilty. However when there are times I'm too busy or just want a break if I explain to him I really need his help, he'll help. I explain to him he shouldn't have his friends over with the place a mess because it embarrasses me and I don't want them to think I'm a pig. I find in the past if I went on strike he really didn't care and we lived like pigs. If I walk around cleaning and conplaining about how tired I was or stressed out but not really yelling, he'd feel guilty and tell me to stop, he'd do it. It's hard when you like everything nice and clean because most men couldn't care less (I'm not saying all, but most). Just be patient and no matter how upset you get, try not to fight about it because it's not worth it..you must choose your battles wisely

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Posted by StayandJohn

My DH still thinks he lives with his mom. I love my MIL to death but she made sure her little boy never raised a finger....and he still doesnt! LAst week I told him to put his laundry away..ok later. Next night, put it away, later....it went on for 1 week, he finally did it. Yesterday I called him at work and told him he had laundry to put away, ok later...I told him when he got home put it away ok later....well later turned into 11:30pm and we are laying in bed and I know he is drifting off to sleep I switched the light on and said its later put your sh*t away...and he did.

You need to get tough with these men lol

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sounds like my mom and dad...

my mom said that when the two of them started living together piles would start forming all over the place. my mom refused to pick up after him and eventually started to literally throw things in the garbage after many a warning...only then did things start to change...