I got engaged 7/31 in Mexico and I called my mother and told her and she was so happy. She wrote it all over FB to let her friends know, and then on mine every time a friend wrote something. The day i came back, I went to my parents house and she started crying. The very next day she went to Europe to stay with my older brother and his family for 5 weeks, she comes back beginning of September. I messaged her asking if she will help pay for the RH and that my dad wanted to wait until she got back so we can talk about it together. (side note: my parents are like married divorced people), and she flipped out. Says she wants no part of it, bringing up that I last year said I want to go to DR and get married (I changed my mind but I guess I can't do that) and all this other stuff. I told her that's no reason to not even want to do the stuff Mother/Daughters do together, I don't need the money, just my mother, but she adamant about not even wanting to be there, like taking me out of her life completely (which this passed year she did to me, she stopped talking to me for 3 months because my fiance and I were together for 8 and 1/2 years and we're not married, just bf and gf, and she had dreams i throwing a wedding for me and it wasn't happening-- but now that it is, she's changed her mind).
She keeps on telling me that I don't need her because my fiance's mother loves me and that should be enough (she always hated that she loves me and I love her, and I don't get it, I would think it's a good thing that my in laws and I love each other, would she prefer we hate each other instead?).
I'm at a loss for words and emotions and trying to tell her that her reasoning for not wanting to be there or doing things with me for my big day is important, but there's nothing more I could do or say. I'm emotionally drained and I really can't handle crying anymore.
CroatianBride
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So sorry you're going through this...maybe she feels like she's 'losing' her daughter to your inlaws? I would just try to keep her involved, make her feel important and give it some time?
Anna614
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awww, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. in my opinion you should tell your mom exactly how you feel. Let her know this is going to be one of the most stressful times in your life planning a wedding. If she can't be there financially thats fine but let her know you will need her emotionally. If she still doesn't come around then just let it be. And allow those who want to be there help. In the end I'm sure she will come around. good luck and keep your head up and have fun driving your fiance nuts with planning a wedding. .
lindseynaggle
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I think a lot of us had fantasies of planning the weddings with our mothers who would be just as in to it as we are. But mothers come in all shapes and sizes and its not always Leave it to Beaver (its certainly not all sunshine and roses between me and my mom). Is your mom jealous? I get along really well with my FMIL and my mom is transparently jealous.
Also, I don't know the exact situation between your parents, but maybe she is jealous about your relationship with your FH. You guys have been together a long time and obviously still have a good relationship, maybe she wishes she still had that with your dad?
rosatemp
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Posted by Anna614
awww, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. in my opinion you should tell your mom exactly how you feel. Let her know this is going to be one of the most stressful times in your life planning a wedding. If she can't be there financially thats fine but let her know you will need her emotionally. If she still doesn't come around then just let it be. And allow those who want to be there help. In the end I'm sure she will come around. good luck and keep your head up and have fun driving your fiance nuts with planning a wedding. .
ITA
pixietina
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Posted by lindseynaggle
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I think a lot of us had fantasies of planning the weddings with our mothers who would be just as in to it as we are. But mothers come in all shapes and sizes and its not always Leave it to Beaver (its certainly not all sunshine and roses between me and my mom). Is your mom jealous? I get along really well with my FMIL and my mom is transparently jealous.
Also, I don't know the exact situation between your parents, but maybe she is jealous about your relationship with your FH. You guys have been together a long time and obviously still have a good relationship, maybe she wishes she still had that with your dad?
I'm wondering if it could be these things too. Mothers are very weird and really could be thinking anything. I am so sorry you are going through this. This is not something you should have to be worrying about right now.
mara1017
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Have you asked her to be involved in anyway other tahn contributing financially? Maybe ask her to come with you to look at Vendors or come to a bridal show or something like that.
kshea23
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sorry your going through this
she'll eventually come around, they always do.
Blonde_Glitz
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IrishAli
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Sorry. She does sound a tad jealous
Did you approach her first about the finances and then ask her to be involved?
Zola84
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@Lindsey, my fiance did say that jealousy might be it. I've been trying to tell her that I don't care about money, I just want her to be there, and it's like trying to pull teeth or something. Now she wants to invite 50 people, which is how much we're inviting all together to make 100 with their plus ones and to have a live greek band, even though the only greek people is my immediate family (mom, dad, uncle, 2 sis's one 1 bro). No one else knows greek, so why should we spend extra money on a band? It's like she's threatening me with demands and she's not even in the country. It's driving me nuts!
Zola84
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Also wanted to say that you to all of you for lifting my spirits and the support. I greatly appreciate it!
linda_art
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Sorry you are feeling so hurt! I'd suggest for right now since she isn't here and you can't do anything, to do nothing. Let her be. Give time, time. From my experience I find its best to take a step back and do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Its so easy to feed into negative energy. Once she's home and your face to face maybe things will soften up a bit. But for right now, I suggest staying in the day. You're not at your one year mark yet, and im sure your excited but maybe do what you can without her that will help bring you some comfort for right now and help you feel like you are making progress. Im sure its disappointing that she's behaving this way, she's only human. Sometimes I really have to watch my expectations of people- even with the tiniest things. Hope you feel better! Maybe right a gratitude list of all the things you are grateful for in your life today. Thats what I do when Im in the crying zone!
Zola84
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Linda, thank you so much! Making a list is a good idea. I usually write some poetry so I can just scream on a page, you know? But you're right. I'm just going to let things be until she gets back. Maybe she'll change her mind, which I hope she does. It's been hurting me so much, it's so hard to wrap my head around it.
Thank you!
LindsaylovesJustin
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Posted by mara1017
Have you asked her to be involved in anyway other tahn contributing financially? Maybe ask her to come with you to look at Vendors or come to a bridal show or something like that.
this
Zola84
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I told her that I don't care about money. I just asked if it was possible, but that doesn't mean I don't want her in it all together. She just won't accept anything I have to say.
Beautyconsultantbk
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Someone told me something i found interesting but didnt believe before i got engaged. They said get ready when its your turn weddings bring out the worst in ppl, some the best and some ppl just become wacko for no reason lol. Theres alot of mixed emotions wit weddings. Try and speak with ur mom and tell her she will never get this time back. This is a oncE in a lifetime thing ( hopefully lol) and u need her. But after all is said and done if she still doesnt come thru take the help from hour inlaws and other fam and friends. My mom kept saying when r u getting a ring and getting frustrated til one day i got engaged now she feels it happened so fast and shes losing me.
