what do you do when FH sides with FMIL?

As many of you have probably read, I'm having issues with FMIL. And the funny thing is, she doesn't realize she's done anything wrong...and there are some REALLY sensitive topics here - my mom passed away and FMIL doesn't get that this is hard for me without any other issues. But that's just one example, without going into detail.

But FMIL has managed to convince FH that she's done nothing wrong along the way, even though she's said nasty things to my dad and others. So what do I do, how do I handle it when FH sides with her????

I feel for you. Maybe he and you can sit down and go through all of the negative things she is bringing to the planning and show it to him on paper. Make him understand that this is not helping you during the planning especially since your mom is not here.

She is his mother and it's natural to defend her. He has to realize that you are going to be his wife and you guys need to stick together. The last thing you need is someone getting in the middle of things.

i was /am in the exact same situation as u r my mom also passed away and i swear fmil takes digs at me all the time and trys to act so sweet about it...in the beginning Fh thought i was being overly sensative well now when she dose i point it out to him and THANK GOD he has begun to see what i am talking about!!! good luck i know this sint easy...my fsil told him she is buying him a pair of scissors for a wedding present so he can cut the cord

I think you need to explain to him that you are hurt by what she says and does and he is not being fair in being blind to his mom! Personally that is all it is, Mom is always perfect. Luckly my FH doesnt side with his mom, he is very aware of her, although he tends to be too sensitive toward her, he tries to be too tactful and ends up not getting anywhere... so I stepped in when a major line was crossed!!! I was not tactful, just honest! And he sided with me...

Is it possible for you to sit and talk with FMIL and FH and see where that gets you??

sadly I also lost my Mom- the day I got enaged actually- so FM me if you need to talk

I didn't really include Mt MIL in anything- mainly b/c I feel weird still- I wont call her Mom etc

I think you need to sit them both down and explain how hard this is for you- b/c it really adds to the stress of the wedding!

A rule of thumb: Don't talk bad about the groom's mom to the groom. This is not just coming from me. I have had many family and friends tell me from experience.
The best thing you can do is talk to your husband. And try to be fair....try and look at your own behavior as well. Could you possibly be acting or doing anything that might be upsetting her? Sometimes MIL's feel left out or torn between being involved and not wanting to interfere too much.
The best thing is to point out your FMIL's behavior to your husband in a non-accusing way.....show him the facts...leave your own opinion out, then ask him his opinion.

Just trying to be objective here....
Good luck, and sorry about the loss of your mom.

Denise!!! Good to see you on here!

The thing is, this poor girl's FMIL has been a Royal you know what - her shower has already been cancelled because of this psycho demanding that *her* family won't be able to make it. And her FH doesn't stand up for her, nothing.

Robyn, your FH *needs* to start backing you up. My DH lets his Momster do whatever she's going to do, and it ignores the heck out of me, but at least he ignores her 99% of the time (that's why it doesn't bother me as much that he lets her say the most AWFUL things) and it's clear who he would choose. But your FH either needs to cut the cord or tell his mother off.

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Posted by PrincessRose

Denise!!! Good to see you on here!

The thing is, this poor girl's FMIL has been a Royal you know what - her shower has already been cancelled because of this psycho demanding that *her* family won't be able to make it. And her FH doesn't stand up for her, nothing.

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Hi Rachel!
I see what you are saying, and I agree that her FH should back her up....I didn't realize just how bad or how long this has been going on! FH has to realize that SHE will be his family now.

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Posted by neesiepie

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Posted by PrincessRose

Denise!!! Good to see you on here!

The thing is, this poor girl's FMIL has been a Royal you know what - her shower has already been cancelled because of this psycho demanding that *her* family won't be able to make it. And her FH doesn't stand up for her, nothing.

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Hi Rachel!
I see what you are saying, and I agree that her FH should back her up....I didn't realize just how bad or how long this has been going on! FH has to realize that SHE will be his family now.

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I know. I hadn't seen you on here for awhile, so I figured you hadn't seen her many FMIL Misadventures.

It's awesome to see you here though.

I can definitely sympathize!

I also have a monster in law. My FH only came around this past weekend when she overstepped the line and had no alternative but to admit it. I am sure in a week she will have it all turned around again. Her side will quickly become the new truth. But it didn't matter b/c for one day I felt like my FH was really backing me up.

Just remember that we win! Their beloved sons love us and go home with us! And when you and your FH are in your own little world- remember what you two are all about - then she can destroy nothing!

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Posted by PrincessRose

It's awesome to see you here though.

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Good to see you, too Rachel! I have been so busy at work and haven't had time to post much these days. Today's a slow day so I am surfing the boards....