What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 10:54 AM

What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

A little background: my grandfather and I were super close...shared the same birthday, named after him, lived around the block from each other. When he passed away (7 years ago) I was devastated and actually joined a grief support group for awhile...I have been getting upset thinking about him not being at my wedding as the time gets closer and closer...

The Problem:

I recently found out my grandmother has started dating someone. I reacted positively to her when she told me, and I understand that she is probably lonely and this is good for her...but after I got off the phone with her I cried because I was so upset about the idea of her being with someone else, feeling like my grandfather has been replaced, etc. (I know he hasn't, but I can be emotional when it comes to him!)

So my Mom said Grandma wants to bring this new boyfriend to my wedding....my stomach immediately dropped...I feel like I don't really want him there because I am so upset about the fact that my grandfather can't be...

Thoughts, opinions?

P.S. My guest list is way over what it should be (by about 50) and I know it is only one other person, but I am just throwing this out there....

divabride Posted: Apr 08, 2005 11:02 AM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I cant even imagine how hard this must be for you. But I think out of respect for your grandmother, you should invite him. Im sorry your so upset about this, but know that your grandfather WILL be there in spirit.

hbradio Posted: Apr 08, 2005 11:04 AM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I would do whatever makes your grandmother comfortable and happy. I would be upset in your place too.....what does your mom/dad (whoever your grandmother is the mother of) think?

Borricuamorena0905 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 11:09 AM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

wow, very touchy subject .. I am sorry for your lost , it is sad to see a love one go, but they are in a better place..

On another note, everyone has the right to be happy and enjoy life here on earth till it's their time....
Although it is hard to accept. I think it is only fair to accept ur grandmother's new love one.
He did nothing, he is innocent..

Life changes..

It jus reminds me of step kids not accepting the new Mom or new dad.. You have to get to know that person first...

It's not an easy thing to do, but it jus shows the maturity of a person when they can ACCEPT change..

Your feelings are definitely justifiable, but you have to give him a chance.. Your grandmother will always love ur grandfather , and u will always love him.. No one will take his place...

I say jus try and accept it.. it takes time, but start working on it!

alexlynn7 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 11:19 AM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

i agree with the others - out of respect for your grandmother, i think you should invite him. i can imagine how difficult it is for you to imagine her with someone else... but the flip side is that she has found another companion to spend her 'golden years' with - what a great thing!

it should be up to her whether to bring him or not.

also... are you doing programs? perhaps you could include a memorial in it to your grandfather. or you could mention him in your service. this way you'd be honoring his memory as well.

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 12:44 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

Thanks girls!

I appreciate your support and advice!

FutureAJ8505 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:13 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I am sure you will make the right decision.

Here are some hugs

Just a little note, FH's grandmother got remarried about 10 years ago. She had 6 children with FH's grandfather. She remarried many years after Grandpa passed on. Her new husband was more of a companion. They looked so cute together, like best friends.
It felt weird for my FI, but he knew that it made grandma happy and that she wasn't alone.
Please know that your grandfather will NEVER be replaced. But even grandma's sometimes need companionship. I hope that this helps.

More for you!!

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:37 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I love you '05 board girls!

On my BHB post they started attacking me!

Borricuamorena0905 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:39 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

Posted by Jamie&MarkSept.'05

I love you '05 board girls!

On my BHB post they started attacking me!

Stay with your 05' family girl!!!!!! We love you too!!!!!! especially that we share the same date!

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 02:54 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I know it!

You girls are the best around!

I hate the posters who are always trying to insitigate and be nasty!

Lots of love to my date twin!

Darcy Posted: Apr 08, 2005 03:39 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I am so sorry. I know it is hard. My fathers girlfriend is invited, I don't even know her. And there was alot of pain I felt when my mother passed away and I blammed my father for alot of it. However, I want him to be happy, and that is really what is important, as long as you are not sacrificing yourself. But being 'Rational' is the important thing. This may be very difficult for her, too.

Jamie&MarkSept.'05 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 04:28 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

Thanks Darcy!

I am glad to hear there are others experiencing similar things...I am so sorry about your loss!

angelbear217 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 04:31 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

I agree with the girls! As much as you will miss your grandfather, you know he will be watching over you on your day. At the same time, you want your grandma to be happy and if having her boyfriend there does, then that is what you should do.

SFP0214 Posted: Apr 08, 2005 05:21 PM

Re: What is the 'right' thing to do? (repost from BHB)

My mom once said something to me that might help you. She said it when my friends grandfather found someone new soon after his wife died. She said ' I think it is a beautiful testament to their marriage. Being married and in love made him so happy that he couldn't live his life without feeling that again.' Or something along the lines of that. I don't know if this helps.. But to answer your question I would invite the boyfriend. This may be hard but it would make your grandmother happy and she has been through a lot also.

Sorry for your loss.. Your grandfather will be there with you and no one will ever replace him in your grandmothers life either.