here is the situation, I know I've talked to nausea about my FH being overseas, he is due home *hopefully* in March.... now I was supposed to go to NC to meet him and have a romantic weekend with him, now all of a sudden his mother,
*who by the way has not taken care of him in any way in the past 5 1/2 years of our relationship, she has done nothing, we were young when we meet, he was a senior in HS and there was never food in his house, he had no new clothes but all I saw was his heart and I started to take care of him, I've done everything but wipe his tush as his parents sat back and did nothing*
well now she 'has to go see him immeadiately, she has to'
I AM PISSED!!! I think I deserve 'our weekend' and shouldn't have to deal with her.
what are your opinions
luvsbob4603
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Re: what is your opinion
I think you are right! you should have your weekend together. why all of a sudden she has the need to see him on that day? thats sad that she didn't do anything for him in the lpast 5 1/2 years what kind of mother is she? if I was your Dh I would be like sorry mom I have plans with my wife i dont have the talk to talk, I will call you when i want to talk to you. Im sorry I know i shouldn't say anything mean but thats how I feel.
She hasn't been there for him in 5 1/2 years and now she wants to see him? I dont get it sometimes! Is there anyway you can contact her (its probably hard to get a hold of FH), and ask her Why all of a sudden?? I agree with you 100%..Have the weekend to yourselves! I know its easy for us to say, and probably hard for him to do, but he needs to stand up to his mother and say 'Nope, sorry not this weekend!' I really am not that way, but I have a relative in my family who left and wants to be a part of his kids lives (he lives 3,000 dam miles away) and he doesnt understand why they dont want to 'bother'! Well, gee..Let me tell ya..I can go on and on! I do wish you and FH a Great weekend. Best wishes. Please keep us posted!
palebride
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Re: what is your opinion
I agree with you completely that you should be the one there for his first weekend home....... (and coincidentally, my brother is also due home in march!) But I also know that my mother would die before not seeing my brother come home.....of course, she's an amazing mother, so she deserves her time with him..... So, I agree with you...but I don't know how you would tell his mother.....
Palebride, I'm glad he is coming home and that your mommy is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If the woman deserved to see her son my opinions would be different and I know how I would like to tell her but I don't want to fight I tried 'we are going to spend time toegether alone and then drive up to see everyone' but she ignored me and said she had to see him off the plane.
so I emailed FH and told him to handle his mother, I know he will! He's the best like that.
TY for the boost of confidence, I just didnt want to be 'mean' she really doesn't deserve such a great son and growing up the way he did I will never figure out how he became the outstanding man he is.
palebride
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lvdolphins
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Posted by palebride
Keep us posted!
OSCARtheGROOM
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Re: what is your opinion
I think you should spend the romantic weekend with him. From what I've been reading you have been there for the last 5 1/2 years, and his mom has been no where to be found. He's yours! You should enjoy him!!! You deserve it!!!
allaboutthecake
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I would be so disappointed if you were planning on having a romantic weekend.. . Is his mother doing this so then people won't think that she has been such a bad mother?
Dooodles
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Does he have to spend much time with her over the weekend? How about just scheduling a meeting with her so you guys can snuggle!
070502
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Re: what is your opinion
I don't know how many reunions you have had in the past from deployments but honestly they normally aren't as romantic and picture perfect as everyone dreams up. I wish I could tell you that they are. The butterflies are awesome and seeing each other is great but it's all the extra readjusting that is hard. Also alot of times the planes are late you might appreciate having company.
I would let him mom go, maybe she has changed her ways and finally learned what is important but if I was you I would go as well.
I really think it should be his choice having his mom there shouldn't be a huge deal. There will be plenty of mom's, dad's, wives, siblings, girlfriends and children as well as inlaws at the reuinion in most cases the wives/gf's and mom's don't get along. You might even appreciate her being there because you can get her to take an awesome picture of your first moment together.
I just don't see the problem with her being there and then leaving you two along for the weekend.
Just choose your battles wisely, in the long run if she really is a ****** mom she may not even go. She could just be all talk right now.
I'm having an issue with my inlaws right now, because my husband is deploying during the pregnancy and my mil is planning on flying my sil and cousin in law down the last week my husband will be here with me. I never have family around and especially don't need two 16 year old girls in our house as he is leaving and during the first few days he is away. Especially when we will be busy taking care of baby stuff and running around doing wills.. and we are purposly going up next week for him to spend time with everyone.
I would be so disappointed if you were planning on having a romantic weekend.. . Is his mother doing this so then people won't think that she has been such a bad mother?
I don't know how many reunions you have had in the past from deployments but honestly they normally aren't as romantic and picture perfect as everyone dreams up. I wish I could tell you that they are. The butterflies are awesome and seeing each other is great but it's all the extra readjusting that is hard. Also alot of times the planes are late you might appreciate having company.
I would let him mom go, maybe she has changed her ways and finally learned what is important but if I was you I would go as well.
her company is never appreciated, but your advice was !!! THank you. I am letting him decide. He doesn't want her there, we've been talking about it since before he left. But I am leaving it up to him to tell her
Oh, and BTW~ I'm sorry he has to leave you espcially right now, If there is ever anything I can do, even if it is just lending an ear so you can cry to someone who understands. PLease let me know
soon2bmrs2004
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Re: what is your opinion
His mom sounds like my mom whom I have not talked to in the past 10 years. Long story short, she was never there for my brother or I as she let my father raise us, she never visited and she never, never called. My father had to call her and put us on the phone to get her to talk to us. Anyway, the only time she would be our 'mom' is when it for show. You know when people could see her in a very large public setting and it had to be to her advantage. If I was him I would not let her have the right to run around and tell everyone that weekend about her wonderful son and how she is such a proud 'mom' when from what you have said she has not been a mom for well over 5 1/2 years now.
halfpintny
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Re: what is your opinion
After just losing someone I loved very much may be I'm a sentimental optimist but is there a chance, no matter how small, that having her son in such a precarious position overseas and it being the holiday season that she has SOME remorse about her lack of parenting skills? Is there some remote possibility that she wants to make amends? No matter how remote the chance, I would be supportive of her coming to see her son and hope that she could begin to be a positive influence in both your lives.
That being said she does NOT have to share the WHOLE weekend. As his future wife, you have a right to have the romantic weekend you both want....and I'm sure you'll find out early into his mom's visit what her true intentions are.
IMO I would keep an open mind.
P.S. I have very happy for you both of you that he will be coming home
After just losing someone I loved very much may be I'm a sentimental optimist but is there a chance, no matter how small, that having her son in such a precarious position overseas and it being the holiday season that she has SOME remorse about her lack of parenting skills? Is there some remote possibility that she wants to make amends? No matter how remote the chance, I would be supportive of her coming to see her son and hope that she could begin to be a positive influence in both your lives.
That being said she does NOT have to share the WHOLE weekend. As his future wife, you have a right to have the romantic weekend you both want....and I'm sure you'll find out early into his mom's visit what her true intentions are.
IMO I would keep an open mind.
thank you for your kind words and I hope you are right, but I know her ways and I don't think she has good intentions. She just needs to do her little song and dance and be the 'good mom' for everyone to see.
It's so sad that he had to go to war for anyone but me to see what an amazing man he is. He is the best. His heart is bigger than his body and made of pure gold.
I think that even if she does go *still hoping she doesn't* that I will be so thrilled to see him it won't matter.
thank you all for the kind words and advice.
P.S. I have very happy for you both of you that he will be coming home
