Brides Helping Brides ™ - What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

ddnsp618 Posted: Apr 20, 2009 08:27 PM

What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

So, I'm sure most of you know about my ex-MOH and how she quit my wedding via email. This was about a month an a half ago, and I haven't heard from her, partially because I told her when I was ready, I would contact her. Needless to say, I am not ready and still really angry at her. I don't necessarily feel bad, because she was a sh!tty MOH and friend, and my wedding will be better without her.

So, that's that. At this point, I am supposed to be getting my final list together for my sister (MOH) and friend Kristin (new and improved MOH) so they can send out the invites next month. I'm still not sure if I am going to invite the ex-MOH and her bf (who is a loser, but that is a different story) and her grandma. They got an STD, but that was when she was actually a friend to me.

Here are my questions:

1. Should I invite her to my shower? I feel like I don't want to for a number of reasons, one being she will try to be the center of attention (she's an only child; everyone has always allowed her to be, me included...this is my Bridal Shower...for once, I want to be the center of attention) and also, she quit the wedding for 'money problems' (which if you can tell my my quotes, I don't think that was the reason, see above loser bf) and I'm not a present hew@, but you know. She also may not even show up (she didn't make it to my graduation party in December, she was 'sick'...again read quotes to say 'loser, controlling bf wouldn't let her')

2. Should I wait it out to even invite her to the wedding? I'm kind of over being her friend after what shes done to me. But, since I sent her an STD (haha...i wish.joking) do I have to invite her. FH can't stand her or her BF and doesn't want them to come, but can I really do that??

Sorry this was so long, it's really eating me up.

dedecakes Posted: Apr 20, 2009 08:56 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

Well, technically you can do whatever you want. ;) That's a tough call about the shower. I would invite her to the wedding, though. There is no way that she can steal the show for your wedding. And, if she has 'money issues', she probably won't RSVP 'yes', anyway...but I would be the bigger person and just invite her to the wedding.

megsher Posted: Apr 20, 2009 08:57 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

Yes to wedding, no to shower

meara Posted: Apr 20, 2009 09:02 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

no to shower and I think do what you want on the wedding. . tempted to say do it b/c you sent STD but in the end if she is not going to be in your life, why have her there? if you think she will be later and a lot of this is just the loser BF. . maybe invite her now for hope for the future. . but I don't think the obligation of the STD extends to when people treat you poorly. . that seems to me breaking of the contract

KittyGags Posted: Apr 20, 2009 09:56 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

no to the shower, and maybe have a conversation when you're ready to send out the invites? Or make an invite for her and do a game time decision. I mean, whats the point of inviting her? Your friendship sounds like its a wash at this point...

WishfulRinne Posted: Apr 20, 2009 10:01 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

This is a hard one. IMHO If it were me, I would invite her to both. Just to be the bigger person and to let her know...Im better than you...you cant hurt me or my big day. I would smile huge at her and enjoy my day as much as possible.
Sorry if thats not the answer you want to hear but thats what I would do.
Good LUck!!

xosweetiexo Posted: Apr 20, 2009 10:01 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

Def no to shower.... you dont need the drama....and its going to take away you having a good time b/c shes full of lies. I would have a talk with her when you get your invitations ready to go out. If you still feel the same way that you do now, then I would say no to the wedding as well. Who knows you might even talk and end up inviting her.

Good luck

IrishBrideASmiling Posted: Apr 20, 2009 10:51 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

coldasice217 Posted: Apr 20, 2009 10:59 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

I agree with most here, no on the shower, yes to the wedding, but only if you attempt to talk to her prior to at least be civil, if that cannot be accomplished, then do not invite her.

FutureMrsG Posted: Apr 20, 2009 11:59 PM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

I would not invite her to the shower but I would invite her to the wedding since you sent her a save the date. You may change your mind about inviting her as the wedding gets closer. If in the end you feel really strongly about NOT inviting her than don't...it is your day you should do what you want.

Just Cindy Posted: Apr 21, 2009 06:52 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

IMO - Screw etiquette just cause u sent a STD doesnt mean that you 'have' to invite her. Its your wedding day and one of the happiest days of your life. If this in anyway will stress you out then dont do it. It seems like your friendship is over and unless you patch things up I would say dont it. I wouldnt invite her to the shower either.

Do what feels right to the both of you!!!

Just think....will you regret not inviting her 5 yrs from now???

Celeste617 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 08:04 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

Posted by WishfulRinne

This is a hard one. IMHO If it were me, I would invite her to both. Just to be the bigger person and to let her know...Im better than you...you cant hurt me or my big day. I would smile huge at her and enjoy my day as much as possible.
Sorry if thats not the answer you want to hear but thats what I would do.
Good LUck!!

I agree

elysemichelle Posted: Apr 21, 2009 08:09 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

u dont have to invte her to anything!! im in a pretty close situation as u r!!!!!!!and i feel for u!

cedesnyc Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:08 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

based on what you've stated, id say no to both

emric Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:21 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

I am going through the same thing right now. One of my BM's dropped out via email too. I have decided to not invite her to the shower or bachlorette party. I am, however, inviting her to the wedding - but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't come to it. But if you and you're FH can't stand them - I wouldn't invite them to the wedding. It's your wedding, be surrounded by the people that care about you.

PoppedInASnap Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:30 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

DO WHATEVER will make YOU HAPPY. This shouldntbe an issue because if you dont want her there thats it. Youll be worried about her the whole time and who wants that?

RPMG26599 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 09:43 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

Posted by ddnsp618

So, I'm sure most of you know about my ex-MOH and how she quit my wedding via email. This was about a month an a half ago, and I haven't heard from her, partially because I told her when I was ready, I would contact her. Needless to say, I am not ready and still really angry at her. I don't necessarily feel bad, because she was a sh!tty MOH and friend, and my wedding will be better without her.

So, that's that. At this point, I am supposed to be getting my final list together for my sister (MOH) and friend Kristin (new and improved MOH) so they can send out the invites next month. I'm still not sure if I am going to invite the ex-MOH and her bf (who is a loser, but that is a different story) and her grandma. They got an STD, but that was when she was actually a friend to me.

Here are my questions:

1. Should I invite her to my shower? I feel like I don't want to for a number of reasons, one being she will try to be the center of attention (she's an only child; everyone has always allowed her to be, me included...this is my Bridal Shower...for once, I want to be the center of attention) and also, she quit the wedding for 'money problems' (which if you can tell my my quotes, I don't think that was the reason, see above loser bf) and I'm not a present hew@, but you know. She also may not even show up (she didn't make it to my graduation party in December, she was 'sick'...again read quotes to say 'loser, controlling bf wouldn't let her')

2. Should I wait it out to even invite her to the wedding? I'm kind of over being her friend after what shes done to me. But, since I sent her an STD (haha...i wish.joking) do I have to invite her. FH can't stand her or her BF and doesn't want them to come, but can I really do that??

Sorry this was so long, it's really eating me up.

You can definitely disinvite her under all these circumstances....plus it really does sound like you dont like her anymore and do not consider her a friend.....so why invite her? It just happens that you realized this after you sent out the STD's.

I know of a couple of people who sent out STD's and then ended up not inviting them to the wedding because of similiar circumstances.

Honestly, if youhavent spoken to her recently and are not planning on it for a while because youre still angree (which you should) then she might not be expecting to be invited to anything.....

ddnsp618 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:05 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

thanks so much, i will def follow you girls advice...no to shower, if she asks why, i'll just tell her i know money is tight and maybe she couldnt afford it...and ill invite her to the wedding...hopefully she says no.

thanks!

littlepixie12 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 10:07 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

probably no to the shower.. and personally I wouldnt invite her to the wedding either because its bad energy on your day, but you can invite her to the wedding if you want to

candybride123 Posted: Apr 21, 2009 11:03 AM

Re: What should I do??? Bridal Shower Related (and loong)

I wouldn't invite her to the wedding if you're hoping she says no. If you honestly don't want to be friends with her anymore you are only opening a door by inviting her to the wedding. I wouldn't do it.