Hi: My F.H. has a Mom. (parents are divorced) and his Dad remarried. I lost my parents when I was 19. Anyway, the only person that I'm close with on his side is his stepmom. His Mom is an unfriendly weird religious finatic and his dad is an opionated Archie Bunker type. I don't think I can call them Mom and Dad. I told my aunt that I only had 1 set of parents and I lost them and I'll never have another Mom or Dad. Presently, if I have to address my future in laws, I call them by their first names. I was told by my aunt that its inappropriate to do that once I'm married. Is anyone on my side. Can anyone understand where I'm coming from. Thanks!
prunepie
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Re: What to call future in laws?
my parents have been gone since i was 20.
hugs to you!!!
i call my in laws to be by their first names and no its not rude to continue doign that when i am married. they are NOT MY parents.... so i will not call them mom and dad!!!!
when we have kids.... i will call them grandma and grandpa around our kids but their first names when speaking to one another :)
xoxo
AllJoy
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Re: What to call future in laws?
Hi: Then you can relate to me.. Thanks for the advice... Hugs to you too. Just one ?. Wasn't it wierd when you got engaged. I was feeling such emptiness. It was like, I'm supposed to be sharing this with my mom and she's not here. As happy as I was I was sad that day and my best friend just couldn't get it..
I have another ? Are you announcing your future in laws at the reception? Since F.H. has 2 sets, I don't want to announce them. Is that completely cold. Your thoughts.
Good Luck to you. Joyce
prunepie
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Re: What to call future in laws?
yes.... there are times that i feel very sad that i cant talk to my parents and share these times with them.
and i dont think anyone would 'get' it unless they are in your shoes.
i dont thini we are announcing anyone but ourselves at the wedding... but dont quote me on that.
i know keith will have a mother and son dance...but again i dontthink it will be 'announced', because out of respect for me. it would be too hard to see him dance with his mom alone on the dance floor and me not be able to dance with my dad. but we will pick a special song for the both of them..but all the guests will be on the dance floor.
who is walking you down the aisle? i think my cousin and or my aunt will.
xoxo jenn
ChrisnAmy
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Re: What to call future in laws?
I have lost both my parents also. I could never think of calling my In-Laws....Mom and Dad.. That would be too weird ! Don't let someone bully you into doing something that you don't feel comfortable with.
I know what you are going through.....I Don't want to do the annoucements either...But Its not His parents fault that your parents aren't there...they Do deserve a little reconnection for raising a wonderful son for you to marry.
About 'The Dances' Pick a fun song and have the men in your life..Take you for a spin on the dance floor. You might have a really good time. Try and embrace what a wonderful day it will be not what you are missing.
Walking you down the aisle....my Choices were that I walk myself and my FH comes to meet me 1/2 way and we walk up together.( How romantic is that) ...or My second choice is to have my Big Dumb Older Brothers walk me down....The Brothers won. I really wanted my first Choice.....but Every one gave me a hard time, even my FH.
Best Wishes! and sorry for writing SO much.
sr081906
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Re: What to call future in laws?
I don't see how this is rude to still call them by their first name if you do it before you are married.
I think the old tradition of calling your ILs 'mom and dad' is not followed as much as it used to be.
I am calling my FFIL by his first name.
R&J0806
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Re: What to call future in laws?
i'm sorry to hear you've lost both your parents; my mom passed away so i can sympathize with your situation and here's my take on it:
NOBODY deserves the honor of having you call them 'mom' or 'dad' if they are not your real parents. Nobody. Nor does anyone deserve to even think they belong in the same category as your parents.
But forgetting your unfortunate situation, you should call your FIL's whatever you want (I call mine by their first names). They are YOUR FILs. It's not up to anyone else what YOU should call them.
CLMon7906
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Re: What to call future in laws?
Posted by AllJoy
Hi: My F.H. has a Mom. (parents are divorced) and his Dad remarried. I lost my parents when I was 19. Anyway, the only person that I'm close with on his side is his stepmom. His Mom is an unfriendly weird religious finatic and his dad is an opionated Archie Bunker type. I don't think I can call them Mom and Dad. I told my aunt that I only had 1 set of parents and I lost them and I'll never have another Mom or Dad. Presently, if I have to address my future in laws, I call them by their first names. I was told by my aunt that its inappropriate to do that once I'm married. Is anyone on my side. Can anyone understand where I'm coming from. Thanks!
um.....i've heard of it being inappropriate (and just based on opinion...not 'etiquette') to call them that while dating/before marriage...but more so to high school girlfriends...
i mean, suddenly after joining your lives together you should start calling themm Mr. and Mrs? that seems a bit harsh. if they are fine with bob and sue now, don't fret it. keep it bob and sue.
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: What to call future in laws?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I feel that you should call them whatever is comfortable for you. I do not yet know what I will call my FILs...I probably will avoid calling them anything specific. I don't think it's inappropriate to call them by their first names though!
nbc188
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Re: What to call future in laws?
I think it should be whatever you & they are comfortable. I have called my FMIL by her first name for years, and will continue to do so after the wedding. I have a mom, and I would definitely never call her mom, because she's not my mom. But that's just my opinion, I know several friends who call their FMIL 'mom', and that works for them. I think it should be whatever you and they are most comfortable with!
In my opinion, if it was supposed to be that we HAD to call our FMILs 'mom' after we got married, we wouldn't refer to them as 'mother-in-law', the 'in-law' part would have been never added years and years and years ago. Does that make sense?
FallBride05
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Re: What to call future in laws?
I call my IL's by their first names
cmc
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Re: What to call future in laws?
Ditto... I know my FIL's will probably want me to call them mom and dad but I don't feel comfortable doing that. It's just not my thing.
Posted by prunepie
my parents have been gone since i was 20.
hugs to you!!!
i call my in laws to be by their first names and no its not rude to continue doign that when i am married. they are NOT MY parents.... so i will not call them mom and dad!!!!
when we have kids.... i will call them grandma and grandpa around our kids but their first names when speaking to one another :)
