what to do abt kids???

hey girls... sorry this is long!

i didnt think this annoying drama would occur 2 yrs away but it has!!! heres the details

** FH and I both have very large families - we invited 200 ppl to our e-party - we are looking at 250-300ppl being invited to the wedding

** my parents are paying for my family & friends plus 80 of FH ppl (abt 240 total) anything FH goes over his parents have to pay for - My parents say NO KIDS AT ALL!!!

** we did not include any of my cousins kids (abt 40 kids!) even though some of them are teenagers or even over 18!

** one of my first cousins will be coming from South Carolina and is insisting on bringing her kids (3 of them - 18, 18, and 16 yrs old) - even saying she will pay for them to come!

what should i do????
- invite just her kids? -- then my other 1st cousins will get mad right??? but thats then adding abt 15 kids
- only ppl coming from out of state can bring there kids?? but how do you do that??? so my cousins kids who i see more and are therefore closer to arent invited cause they live here???
- do 16 and over only?? that would split families also like 2 kids are invited but 1 isnt?? that would add abt 15 kids

this is sooooo annoying!!!!! what would you do??
PLUS lets not forget my parents who are paying are saying NO KIDS at all!!!!

i would speak to your cousin and tell her its not a matter of paying for HER kids, its then having to invite ALL the kids, and im sure not everyone is willing to pay for their children nor should they.

kindly explain that even though you would love for them to be there it unfortunately opens a whole other can of worms and you have to do what is fair for both families making the guest list wayyyy to big. hopefully she understands. if she doesnt.. guess you can cross her off the list too.

try not to stress these things yet, you still have so much time for things to work out on their own. enjoy the engagement!!

I'm happy to offer my opinion since I took all of the kids off my list. Here are the points that helped me make my decision:

1. It's my wedding. This day belongs to me and FH and we want every adult to be able to enjoy themselves w/o worrying about kids running around. I particularly don't want to have to chase around some of my really young relatives and children of friends. No crying during my ceremony, etc. Plus, I'm having an open bar and I think children should not be around adults with an open bar.

2. There are a couple of exceptions and those are the kids that are in the wedding party, ie, my son will be 1.5 years old at my wedding and he, along with my 5 year old nephew, will be ringbearers.

3. I'm giving my guest plenty of time, by noting on the STD that this is an adult affair, they should be able to arrange for child care. If not, let me know in advance and I may arrange for a nanny to sit for all of the folks who must bring their children.

4. Finally, the time of my reception is 8:30pm-12:30 am. The little ones should be in bed while the adults play!

JMO, good luck!

I honestly would not waver for NO ONE! Fh and I are not inviting kids as well. The only kids will be the ones in the bridal party. Even though, it's a nice gesture for her to want to pay; it still is going against the policy you are trying to enforce. Also, it will (JMO) open up a can of worms. Fh and I also come from a family with MEGA kids and we just can't accommodate everyone and we WON'T. Kindly express to her your sentiments and if she doesn't like it; then tell her the next time she visits NY she can look at the wedding video.

Posted By Jayla127

I honestly would not waver for NO ONE! Fh and I are not inviting kids as well. The only kids will be the ones in the bridal party. Even though, it's a nice gesture for her to want to pay; it still is going against the policy you are trying to enforce. Also, it will (JMO) open up a can of worms. Fh and I also come from a family with MEGA kids and we just can't accommodate everyone and we WON'T. Kindly express to her your sentiments and if she doesn't like it; then tell her the next time she visits NY she can look at the wedding video.
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Yes!

I already had to deal with all of this.

FH and I stuck to our guns. We both have about 30 first cousins each on our mothers sides alone. 18 and over was the cut off mark, yes we did break up families but most of them understood. Also even out of towners were not allowed with kids. You may lose alot of people with that one. The ONLY kids there are the ones in the bridal party. One thing I learned during the entire process is you cant please everyone, so didnt even try.

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Posted by DnT2010

i would speak to your cousin and tell her its not a matter of paying for HER kids, its then having to invite ALL the kids, and im sure not everyone is willing to pay for their children nor should they.

kindly explain that even though you would love for them to be there it unfortunately opens a whole other can of worms and you have to do what is fair for both families making the guest list wayyyy to big. hopefully she understands. if she doesnt.. guess you can cross her off the list too.

try not to stress these things yet, you still have so much time for things to work out on their own. enjoy the engagement!!

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Well said!!!!

Imo it's a little different when we're talking about 18 and 16 year olds. If i were in your situation i might make the cut off 15. Anyone w/kids above 15 can come, anyone w/kids below 15.. sorry.

Personally i am having kids at my wedding. There will be about 14 kids under the age of 14 at my wedding. The youngest will be my ring bearer. On the invites I am addressing it to the family. If the parents want to bring them or not that's their decision.

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Posted by DnT2010

i would speak to your cousin and tell her its not a matter of paying for HER kids, its then having to invite ALL the kids, and im sure not everyone is willing to pay for their children nor should they.

kindly explain that even though you would love for them to be there it unfortunately opens a whole other can of worms and you have to do what is fair for both families making the guest list wayyyy to big. hopefully she understands. if she doesnt.. guess you can cross her off the list too.

try not to stress these things yet, you still have so much time for things to work out on their own. enjoy the engagement!!

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ITA Maybe your mom can talk to her too being she is in on the decision.

Our families aren't as large as yours seem to be... but in our case... his family is from out of town and I want all of my immediate family (and their kids) at my wedding for the pictures. I am however, only allowing imemdiate family to bring their kids. On my invite, it will read 'Adult Reception Immediately Following'.'... On my RSVP card, I am indicating '2 seats have been reserved in your honor'... Hoping people will get the message...