What to do - Shower?

I am in my friend's wedding in August. I have emailed the other BMs and MOH at least 5 times re her shower (long emails with links to ideas and photos attached) in the last few weeks and have gotten nothing more than 1 sentence responses or no response at all. I really don't have the time or money to plan this whole shower myself.
What should I do? The MOH is going through a very hard breakup so I am sympathetic to her, but we need to get planning. The other three seem to have no interest at all. I don't want to go complainin to my friend, but I don't know what else to do. Anyone deal with a similar situation?



ETA: There are four BMs and 1 MOH total

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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Posted by JessicaM.

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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I agree. Go through the mom if everyone else is being lax.

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

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Posted by JessicaM.

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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I agree. Go through the mom if everyone else is being lax.

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Totally agree as well...maybe she can help light a fire under their bums.

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Posted by Katie&Chris2006

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Posted by JanuaryBride06

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Posted by JessicaM.

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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I agree. Go through the mom if everyone else is being lax.

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Totally agree as well...maybe she can help light a fire under their bums.

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I agree. Plus if none of the other ladies want to help, you'll be sure to have some help from her mom.

If the mom is available/willing to help, I would definitely go to her for help planning. Two people are more than enough to get a shower going.


As for the other girls, maybe you can start things off by giving them a specific decision to make. For example, you can email them a list of your choices for where to have the shower, and give them a deadline for when they should respond.

But i dont think that you should go to your friend and tell her that the other bm's and moh are being slackers; it might make her feel sad.

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Posted by DrBeLLaRoSe

But i dont think that you should go to your friend and tell her that the other bm's and moh are being slackers; it might make her feel sad.

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yeah that is what I was thinking. I wouldn't want to hear that.

If I don't hear anything in the next week, I'll contact her mom. Maybe I will dumb down my emails a bit, just focus on one topic at a time. It is so frustrating though, cause I want to get it all planned before my wedding (and I told them that when my wedding is closer I won't be able to help much).

I'd go to her mom and if all else fails, do what you can do on your own. You wouldn't want your friend to be disappointed!

I am in the situation where my MOH and my mother along with me cousin played MAJOR roles in my shower and my two bridesmaids are not doing very much...I know this only because I was told...I was told because I asked, My mOH would have never told me to make me feel bad...BUT now that I know that they are not returning her calls or emails or doing anything for that matter it does make me feel badly! I try not to let on that I know though of course.. but I am hurt..

SO,.. my suggestion to you is to talk to her mom and either let the mom pull in the reigns for the girls or plan away with the mom... dont tell the bride...

I aggree that you should go with her mom. She can probably help move things along.

I know that the MOH is going through hard times, but I thought it was historically the MOH's job to get things rolling. She should put her problems aside to make sure your friend has a memorable wedding experience.

I was in the similar situation. I'm the MOH at my best friend's wedding at first the rest of the bridal party didn't seem interested in helping plan the shower.Unlike you, my friend's mother wasn't really helping me out much . All she did was critize evey little detail of the party at a point that was just driving me insane. At a recently get together some of the BM where there and I expressed my concern about it. They actually said they were sorry that they weren't that involded and like myself they have never thrown a bridal shower. This was 2 weeks ago since then we have been are exchanging emails .As the MOH I'm doing most of the work I don't really mind much cause love my friend dearly and want to give her a great shower. Still planning the whole thing alone with my friend's mother critizing everything didn't help. Knowing I can now count on the rest of the bridal party has been a huge relief for me. What I'm basically doing is assigng jobs for each girl that way we can all be part of it.Even the junior BM is doing somehing, she's in charge of making the towel cake.

Just wondering, are the rest of the bridal party young? It can also be that they themself have no idea how to plan a shower. Hopefully they will come around and help you. If not try her mother and see how things go from there.

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Posted by JessicaM.

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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I agree - get the mother involved!

I would definately talk to her mom and leave her out of it. There is enough stress you don't need to hear about the stuff going on.
Regardign the bm's i would say we are meeting at a date and time to discuss the shower. If you don't here back say this is where it will be and tell them to send you a check. Then maybe they will react.

Good Luck

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Posted by Val0321

Just wondering, are the rest of the bridal party young? It can also be that they themself have no idea how to plan a shower. Hopefully they will come around and help you. If not try her mother and see how things go from there.

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The mother is a bit of a micro-manager, so I am hesitent to get her involved, but I can't do it myself. The entire bridal party is 24 or 25 - so old enough that they should be helping. The MOH is going through a bad breakup - 1 of the other BMs is just extremely self involved (the bride said so herself). I don't know the deal of the other two.

I honestly don't even mind planning the whole thing at this point, I just don't have the $$$ to pay for it all.

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Posted by JessicaM.

if she has a good relationship with her mom, and her mom knows her friends well, I would get her involved...a mom will not let her daughters shower go unplanned...

that's the best I could do...sorry.

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Agree