What to Do..FMIL

I can't stand my future mother in law!!
I've taken a lot of Sh#$@ from her!!
I'm about to tell her what I think about her!!

I've been with her son for 4 years. Engaged for almost 2 years and the only thing she probably knows about me is my first name!
I had to spend Holidays with her and still she made no effort to get to know me.

She disapproves of Inter-racial marriages and would rather have her son marry any girl even if she's a low class skank...'just as long as she's white' she says. She's english and would prefer to keep her family pure blood.
When her husband is Spain. That doesn't make sense to me!!

She thinks engagment parties are for snotty people who lives in NYC....and thinks there's no such thing as engagment parties. She thinks it's just a way to get people to give you gifts. And can't believe my family would throw such a party.

She thinks a wedding should only cost no more then $800 dollars total (that's includ, food, flowers. EVERYTHING)!! Could someone tell her that's just not possible!
Good thing I never told her how much my dress costs!!

She cries everytime my FH talks about me to her. There's this one time she says ' I don't know what I would do if I see her...I'd probably throw her down the stairs'
Can you believe that comment!!

Through all this crap, she's actually gotten better when my name is brought up. I actually stay at the house when I come over, instead of her wanting to put me in a hotel nearby.
But her comment was 'I'm used to being uncomfortable in life' What ever that means!

She's afraid of one day having to hang pics of her grandchildren up, because they'll look too asian instead of 'white.'
That's he worst fear she says!!

She smiles and hugs and pretends like things are great...but it's sickening when you know the truth.

My FH has stuck up for me everytime and have yelled at her and her behavior, but now we just ignore her. You might think she sounds old school, but she's only 43 years old with 3 kids out of college and working. She's young....not an old traditional mom!

She hates Long Island, because she grew up there and are sick of the 'snotty' people.

The funny thing is that...our wedding is
in LI!!

Our wedding day is approaching and still she has said nothing about it or asked about it!

What to do with her?? I thought it's enough stress planning a wedding....try having a FMIL like her!

Should I just ignore she ever existed and not invite her to my bridal shower or anything??

Just send her an invite like every other guests and that's it??

Oh my....
Sounds like you have your hands ful with the MIL. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that.

But, I would send her an invite to the bridal shower. Nice her to death...she will look like the foolish one if she is putting you down and you are going out of your way to include her. You are soon going to be family.

I don't know what to say except

I've done my share of being nice to her. I guess I'm sick of being the 'better one.'

I wasn't invited to my FH sister's baby shower. Even though I was the one that thought of the idea to do it. I asked his mom if she was throwing one, and she said that was a good idea, she didn't get a chance to think about it yet.

Turns out a month later, she threw a baby shower and 'forgot' to invite us.

We are far away!! She was in Vermont and now they live in Boston.

It's amazing what she can do being miles away!!

Wow, I am so sorry you have to go through this how frustrating. As much as I would be tempted to tell her to go screw herself; I think killing her with kindness would probably piss her off even more.. Miserable people hate it when you are really nice to them.

My problem is I am a very blunt and honest person. I know if I did not try and say something in a constructive way I would probably blow up at some point. I would speak to FI and see if there is a way to make her realize how much the two of you love and respect each other.

Wow, I am sorry you are going through all this!

This may sound horrible but does she realize that with the attitude she is displaying towards you she is going to make her son choose and ultimately she will probably lose out on a huge part of his life? Thinking down the road, say you do have children would you allow them to go over if she is bad mouthing you? I know I wouldn’t.

I know you said your FH sticks up for you but maybe its time he points out to her that you are going to be his WIFE and HE is going to be by YOU through thick and thin and if her attitude doenst change and if she doesn’t make an effort to get to know his FW, the future mother of his children then she is going to be seeing less of him because he doesn’t appreciate the additional stress she is adding to HIS life. He loves you and if she cant accept that then unfortunately their relationship is at stake.

Maybe if she sees that she is pushing her son away, she will open up alittle more.

Has anyone else, not you or FH, said anything to her about hwo she is being a complete a$$???

Good Luck and try to enjoy the last few months of your Engagement regardless of your FMIL.

I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way. There is nothing uglier than a bigot.

You could always send her a chocolate ex-lax lolipop under the guize of a sample favor. As a token of your esteem for her support

Thank God you dont think 43 is Old! (Im 42), I would invite her like everyone else because unfortunately its 'proper', but ignore her and her comments. You dont need it. As long as FI is on your side thats all that matters. Its really HER problem.

There is NO WAY I would put up with that CRAP!!!! I would tell my FI - Me or her, that's IT!

I'm sorry, my FPIL were bad, but they were never this bad. They were afraid for us, but it was never that blatant and hate-filled.

I fear for your health and well-being, and I fear for your future children.

THIS WOMAN DOES NOT, SHOULD NOT BE IN YOUR LIFE!!!!

If your kids pick up on this racist a$$hole's attitudes, what does that say to them?! What does it say about your FI that he doesn't make her stop this sh*t?! my FI stopped talking to his parents for 6 months - not only over me, but me and other things. Still, there are things he wouldn't tolerate.

She wouldn't be coming to my WEDDING, forget about my bridal shower! She wouldn't be at any of my children's anythings, she would not be a part of my or my family's life.

My FMIL says nothing just smiles and lets it all go.. I don't know what to think.. sorry you're going through all this.


The only person who's come close to asking about our children was the priest. Jim is Chinese and I am hispanic.. What will your children be....? 'OURS'

Tons of Hugs.. good for you for ignorning her as much as possible.

I think through it all. ' Yes' I hate it all and I hate her with a passion! No matter how nice she is or if she ever change, I don't think I can forget her intentional comments the day I met her.

I can't deny the fact that she is and was an excellent mother to her kids. My FH was raised so incredibly well by his parents, that I can't deny it even if I want to. Her biggest flaw in life is this whole situation!

My friend who is going through the same thing says to me 'she will accept your children (her grandchildren), but that doesn't mean she'll ever accept you.'

I think through all this..I'm extremely sad when I think of my own parents and how wonderful, loving and accepting they are towards my FH. And the fact that they don't know any of this, b/c it would break their heart to know their daughter is marrying into a family like that!

My children will be asian mixed with english and spain.

This is going to make your marriage really really hard. She sounds like a complete idiot, and she is obviously not attempting to be human to you. I'm just saying unless your FH doesn't really care to be near his family, it's going to be tough.

My mother disliked my grandmother(her MIL) so much for so so long. But one day, they got along. Now my mother says she'd be devistated the day my Grandma dies.

Anyway, things might change, just be open to it, and don't close it out altogether. Don't be nice though, if she is being a biatch to you.

$800 for a wedding...you couldn't buy Taco Bell for that much for 150 people.

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Posted by ddunne23

Get married and move far away.

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yup--exactly.

Tell her if she is so afraid of her grandchildren looking Asian, she doesn't ever have to see them, b/c you wouldn't want to raise your children around such a racist anyway.

Ok- good in theory, but I know it takes a lot of nerve to say that.

I just have to add... I don't really agree with the whole kill her with kindness thing, I think it's beyond that. I think you should show her respect, whether you like her or not she is still your FH's mother, but that's it. Don't go out of your way for her, don't make things easier for her, but don't be a b*tch and make yourself look bad in the process. It's a woman's job to keep the family together and this woman is going to loose her son if she keeps this attitude up.
Like I said earlier, I have a similar thing with FBIL's fiance and she's going to be my SIL at some point so I can relate to you.

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Posted by ddunne23

Get married and move far away.

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i agree with her big time

get married and move away.. it seems like this lady will always give you grieve, and you just have to realize that you are better than her, because you treat people equally and the way they deserve to be treated....its also important to have a fh that stands behind you through all of it.... and if you have children, i probably wouldnt leave her in a room alone with them..

im so sorry you have to go through that....

you said your fmil didnt invite you to your fsil's shower... how do you get along with your fsil?....
if it were me i probably wouldnt send a shower invite to the fmil and if she calls asking what happened, say 'oh i must have forgotten' then tell her the information..