What would you do????

I called around and spoke to serveral officiants to find out fees, location, and discuss our ceremony. I narrowed it down to 2, and both said that we could meet with them to discuss further. My FI and I spent a Sunday afternoon a couple of weeks ago visiting with both of them at their homes. I told both of them during our 2 hour visits with each of them that we were still meeting/interviewing officiants and that we would get back to them. So, we ended up choosing one and did not call the other back. The one that we didn't choose left a message this weekend and asked that I let her know if we are going with her or not. I emailed her today and told her thank you for spending time talking to us, but we decided to go with someone else. She emailed me back and said that she would like the $50 deposit for the 2 hour visit of which we were 'speaking and planning'!! Let me tell you that most of this 2 hours was her going on and on about many other couples that she wed, and she didn't seem to care that we were not interested in hearing tons of stories! She also complained about couples who changed their ceremonies so many times, and how she was so bothered by this. Out of the 2 hours, she must have talked for 1 1/2 hours and was putting us to sleep. We decided not to go with her because of her personality and b/c she made it very clear that we have to stick to her standard ceremony (and that if we wanted to change it, we would have to do the work). I admit, maybe I could have given her a courtesy call to tell her I wasn't going to use her, but I never did this with any other vendor. The officiant that we chose, is doing all the work for us, and hasn't even asked for a deposit. She emailed me a draft after a couple of days of meeting her, before she even knew if we were going with her or not. BTW, they both advertise as vendors on this site. So, now I guess I have to email her back and tell her that she never mentioned once before or during our meeting that the initial meeting would cost the $50 deposit, regardless of whether or not we chose to use her. I also feel like telling her that if it was up to us, we would have left after 1/2 hour of meeting her instead of listening to her stories. In the email she sent she is obviously trying to make me feel guilty by stating 'I know that you believe in karma, etc. so I trust that you will treat me fairly when it comes to my work and at least honor my request'. I don't know, but I can't imagine any other vendor asking to be paid before someone decides to use them. I mean maybe for hair and makeup trials, but not for officiants, DJs, halls, etc. I guess the miscommunication was that she thought we were going her b/c we set up an appointment to meet with her. What do you think I should do?

My goodness

I would e-mail or call her to tell her you're not paying. It's like paying a car dealer $50 to have he/she help you look at some new models before you buy. That's UNREAL!!! As a favor to the brides on this site, it might be helpful to mention names. Anyway, best of luck with this. Definitely don't pay her! You don't owe her anything!

Their names......

The one that I did choose is Rev. April from Church of the Ancient Ways. The one that wants $50 and I DID NOT choose is Rev. Joan Schauer. Both advertise here under officiants.

What would you do???? I would not pay NM!!! *NM*

I would not pay

Explain that many vendors, whether they are officiants or otherwise, spend extensive amounts of time with people who may potenially use their services. If she chose to spend that time with you explaining her services, she has no right to charge you. If a Band/DJ spends time showing me tapes, etc. , they can not ask me to pay them for their time. Spending time with potential clients is part of doing business, and even though she is a rev., that is what she is doing - running a business.

I agree with Annie02....I would not pay

Given the situation that you described, I would most definitely not pay. This woman did spend time with you, however talking with potential 'clients' even if you are a reverand is part of the process. I have never paid for an initial appointment with a vendor and would not do business with one who required such payment. In addition, I think it is awful that this has seemingly tried to guilt you into paying. I guess it is a good thing that you did choose the other officiant!!!

I wouldn't pay either and she just got a bad review! NG *NM*

What would you do????

I definatly would NOT pay the $50. If they did not mention a $50 charge for a consultation before meeting then they have some nerve for asking. Just because you are not going to use them, doesn`t mean you should pay a fee. It`s bad enough that these people get paid about $500 for about a half hour. That blows my mind to begin with. I need a priest and rabbi for my ceremony, and i`m getting quoted about $950 for a half hour ceremony. I think that is nutz.

Don't pay! That's not a 'deposit' and she knows it. *NM*

unbelievable...

I cannot believe she had the nerve to ask you for money when it was never mentioned previously. Who is this woman anyway?? I haven't heard her mentioned before. Well, I'm sure you didn't sign anything, so how she thinks that money is a 'deposit' is beyond me. Maybe if she mentioned a 'consultation fee' then things would be different. But apparently she never did that either!! It seems we are all in agreement on this one...no need to pay.

Nina...do not pay one cent!

As long as you and your fiance didn't sign anything, you are not obligated to pay ANYTHING. The other women who replied to your message are spot on - that is her cost of doing business! What a shame...I am sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. I guess that's why you should be thankful that LI provides so many vendor choices! :) Good luck with the rest of your planning!

Don't Pay!!!!

That is not a deposit, that is a fee, one that should have been discussed before your visit. Since she mentioned nothing of it I would not give her one cent.

Don`t Pay!!!!

Actually I would disregard her e-mail and never respond. Why bother? She is crazy to think that you would give her money for a basic meeting. If you really feel that you should e-mail her, I would simple state 'We did not discuss a payment for a meeting before or during our appointment. We will not be sending any money.' That is a TOTAL SCAM!!!!!

Did you sign anything?

If you did not sign anything, then you have no legal obligation to pay her. And don't let her guilt you into paying eather. That's pretty low. Thanks for putting the word out.

Update!!!

My FI and I emailed her back a long letter (about how she is unprofessional, should handle her business differenlty, and should not have brought up 'karma') and she emailed me back a BS letter last night. She said she just wants to be treated fairly and that people have told her she is 'too nice'. Since she handed us some of her ceremonies, she is concerned that I will use it. She said she is sorry that she wasted her time and ours!! And, that this was a learning experience for her!! Thank God we did not choose her, I am so relieved. Thank you all for the support, I'm so happy to have this board to come to.

Well...

This was a 'learning experience' for many of us too - don't use her!! Thanks for the warning!! Glad it all worked out...