What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Boop2704 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 03:54 PM

What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

My mom just got this email sent to me and her from my aunt. (My moms brothers wife). She is asking why, her brother, who lives down by them in Florida was not invited to the wedding. What the heck are we supposed to do. My mom is so mad that she didn't mention this earlier. We don't get it. He is mildly reatarded, but he is independant and lives alone down there. I am upset, because I feel bad, but how were we to remember someone we are not even related too, when we could hardly remember people we were related to. My aunt up here is even confused about this. We feel she should have brought it up sooner.
What the Hell am I supposed to do now???

Here is the email she sent:

Patti and Jamie: I have something to ask you that has been really bothering me. Is there some reason my brother was not invited to the wedding? You all know that he is all alone, and with all of us going that puts me in a precarious position as to whether I can leave him alone or not. I kept telling him that he would be getting an invitation. I really don't want you to send him one now, he saw mine and realizes he won't be getting one but an explanation would be nice. Betty

nrvbrd Posted: Dec 15, 2003 03:58 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Can you it was an oversight on your part and extend your apologies, then say we would be glad to have in join us and ask for his address?

This is if you want him to come.

steph4777 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:00 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

How rude!! Why should they expect that he would be invited?

I would email my aunt and say that it was not intended to hurt anyone. We decided to keep the list to 'our' family and close friends. An email is just to be nice bc I am inclined to just ignore her. But since it's family you want to keep the peace.

neesiepie Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:02 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Hmmm....this is a very touchy situation. She might be assuming that the reason is b/c he is mildly retarded, even if that is not the case. She might have a little bit of a complex about him....Honestly, honesty is the best policy. Explain to her that weddings are a hectic time and with all that is going on, you just plain forgot. If you want him to come, then send an invite. If not, say it is too late to add someone or say something about limiting the amount of people and extended, extended family. Just be honest. You're only human. I wouldn't invite my uncle's wife's sister's husband's nephew's brother.....she needs to relax and be happy SHE was invited.

peeweesgirl Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:02 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

I would apologize for the assumption but say that you didnt want to ask him not knowing his finances. And that you didnt want to put anyone in that position....I dont know I am bad at this......

JZNCK Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:02 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

I don't think it's fair that she wrote you that e-mail. It was rude, and she was making you feel guilty. Do you want him at the wedding? do you know him? etc? No offense, because this may sound snotty, but it's your mom's BROTHERS wife's brother.. I'm not close to my aunts husbands sisters, they aren't invited to the wedding.. ya know.. i

StepherG Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:31 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Wow. I don't blame you for being upset. Looks like lots of girls gave you good advice though. I just can't believe that she would expect you to realize that she is her brother's caretaker. That is something she needs to work out not you. I don't mean to sound unfeeling or mean in any way whatsoever, but she is invited because she's married to your mom's brother. You have no obligation to then invite her brother because of his situation. His care is something that she would need to figure out on her own before RSVPing. It is not your responsibility to invite him so that he is not alone. If she can't find proper care for him while she is away, then she should RSVP 'no.'

I really don't mean to seem like a jerk. I just don't think that he is your responsibility or that she is throwing it on you in a 'make you feel guilty because of his situation' type of way. It's wrong.

Jen_n_Dale Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:38 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

I would never expect for my brother's wife's brother's child to ask me to their wedding. And vice versa. I would only want the closest family and friends to be there.

ChristineC68 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 04:42 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

I think it was wrong of her to assume her brother was invited to the wedding and she spoke out of line by telling him that he was invited.

The big question is - Do you want to invite him?

If so, explain the oversight and send out an invite asap.

If not, tell her that you have to limit the guest list to x number of people for what ever reason and hope that she is still able to attend the wedding.

What-Now Posted: Dec 15, 2003 05:19 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

What, it's your moms brothers wife' brother and she thinks that you were supposed to invite him? Have you even met him? is heclose to you and your family? do you WANT to invite him?

If you didn't send him an invite in the first place, than maby he is not suppose to be getting one! It very strange that that woman asuumed that her brother should be a part of your special day. He is a relative of relative of a relative...

LImom Posted: Dec 15, 2003 05:29 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Wow, what nerve! Try not to be upset when OTHER people are the ones with the problem. I would probably be like you though, LOL!, and feel like I did something awful. Your wedding is about you and your husband, and sharing it with people you feel close to. I would ask your mom to e-mail back (since that's how she handled it), and explain that her daughter has a limit to the number of people she can invite, and it was nothing personal. I would leave it at that. Really no need to apologize, although I probably would throw it in for good measure.
I still can't get over this. I hope this is a very isolated incident and doesn't happen too frequently.
All the best.

Boop2704 Posted: Dec 15, 2003 06:34 PM

Re: What Would You Do About This!!! I am soo Upset!!

Thank you everyone!! I just couldn't believe it either. I don't even know this guy. I think I met him once, when I was about 10 years old. Well, my mom talked to her brother before and he was mad and couldn't understand why the hell she sent that e-mail. He told my mom he had talked to her about it and that he will be fine on his own for 3 DAYS!! My uncle is a pisser, he's was like, who the hell wants that pain in the ass anywhere. He also said if he does come, he is going to have to pay for him. My uncle told my mom it was up to her. He said it is not necessary and he is going to talk to his wife tonight about it. He said he is tired of the 'poor Eddie' crap that she tries to pull. She thinks he is so uncapable of anything and needs to be constantly watched, yet he is fine on his own, he lives alone and works. She is just a way overprotective sister. Well, we'll see where it goes from here. But, my uncle apologized to my mother. He said he had this discussion with his wife and told her it would be like inviting my aunts husbands family, you just don't invite your brother or sister inlaws families. It just doesn't make sense, that is not my family. So, my mom is going to call or e-mail her tonight and tell her if she feels it necessary to bring him that fine, just to cause no problems. She is going to tell her that we were keeping the guest list to close family and friends and that I have only met her brother once in my life and didn't think it would be right to invite him all the way to New York for a wedding for someone he doesn't even know. Boy-O-Boy, wedding planning is just so much fun!!!
Thank you all for your advice!!!