What would you make of this?

DnJ0809 Posted: May 26, 2009 08:20 PM

What would you make of this?

So, I work with a very nice woman and we get along great. Always chatting at work and have also gotten together for dinner outside of work. Today I asked for her mailing address and she asked 'Why?' and I said because the wedding invitations need to be out soon. Her response was 'Nooo! I said not to worry about me. You have a lot of people that need to come first.' I explained that I was inviting about 5 people from work and she just brushed it off. So I never got her address.

I know she has a crazy life so I don't know if she said that because she knows she couldn't afford a gift (which isn't the reason I want her there. I want her there because she has been a good friend to me). She has also expressed in the past how she hates getting dressed up so maybe she knows she'll have to buy something new if she doesn't have something already. Another thing that came to mind is she might have a feeling of who else I am inviting. Two co-workers of which she knows aren't very fond of her and she isn't very fond of them.

So... what do I do? Do I give her an invitation hand delivered and leave it up to her to decline? Do I just not give her one and then maybe when it gets closer ask her again by word of mouth?

TIA

MrsGRod09 Posted: May 26, 2009 08:23 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

I would ask her again when the time gets closer. I have a very good friend of mine at work, i invited her and she said no because her husband doesn't like to get dressed up. So i invited her again a few months later and she said the same and also said i have other ppl that should be coming instead of her(she knows i'm on a budget). If your friend says no again then theres really nothing you can do

coldasice217 Posted: May 26, 2009 08:25 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

I would personally go with option 1 in this scenario, and hand deliver the invitation, and if she truly feels uncomfortable, she can decline. I think based on the level of friendship you have with her, it would be inappropriate to just not invite her based on speculation. You have to consider her feelings, but you also have to consider yours, and if you want to invite her, you shouldn't not do so because of x, y, and z, you know?

MrsCM Posted: May 26, 2009 10:39 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

That's tough. It could be because she doesn't want to go or maybe she's trying to be nice. My mom's the type of person that says those things and never means them!

B2B 2009 Posted: May 26, 2009 11:11 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

I guess i would go with hand delivery and just say if she'd like to come the invite is there for her and if not you understand

DnJ0809 Posted: May 26, 2009 11:20 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

Thanks. I think I will hand deliver and say that I wanted her to get an invite and leave it up to her. The RSVP date isn't until July 18 so she'll have a while to think about it. And if in the end she decides not to come, that's fine.

lee29lee Posted: May 26, 2009 11:40 PM

Re: What would you make of this?

I agree and think oyu should hand deliver it. if she doesn't reply, then at least you tried and she knows that you wanted her there.

springsandra Posted: May 27, 2009 12:43 AM

Re: What would you make of this?

Posted by DnJ0809

Thanks. I think I will hand deliver and say that I wanted her to get an invite and leave it up to her. The RSVP date isn't until July 18 so she'll have a while to think about it. And if in the end she decides not to come, that's fine.

Your RSVP date is our wedding date!!!

As far as what I would do... I would hand-deliver the invite and inside include a small handwritten note (on a post-it, even) explaining very briefly that she is an important person to you and that you would love if she could attend and not to feel obligated to bring a present at all. That's what I did for my trainer who has been a wonderful resource and friend for 3+ years. I almost didn't invite her because I was so worried about putting her out for a gift but decided to go this route. I don't know if she'll bring us something as a gift anyway, but I hope she's going to come even if she can't bring a gift! I would never want someone not to attend based on the gift factor.