What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

EsquireBride Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:07 AM

What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

FBIL and his fiance are having two weddings, the first in the US and the second in her home country because all of her family is still there. The home country wedding is supposed to happen in 2010, and they called us up recently and told us the dates they were thinking about -- one of the dates they said they liked the best was 2/16/10, which is our one-year wedding anniversary! We told them 'no way' because that is our wedding date and they didn't seem to understand why this was an issue. What would you do????

Edited: Ok, given the below responses, let me add some more info. They are telling us we have to travel to inland China in winter for this wedding. It is already going to cost us thousands of dollars and the event will span several days apparently. Right now we are hoping to tie it into an anniversary trip because we are not spending that money and flying all the way to China for 4 days and then coming home, we figure we can at least go somewhere warm afterwards.

egem523 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:09 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Honestly I wouldn't tell them no way. I would take as compliment and be there for my FBIL. It's not going to take away anything special between you and FH.

Im a Pepper Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:12 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I wouldn't be upset by it. The world still turns and if the date works for them I don't see anything wrong with it. If it were your wedding day, then obviously I could see you being upset. But 2/16 shouldn't be off limits because it's your anniversary. JMO.

alli3131 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:12 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I wouldn't tell them no. that's just my opinion. It doesn't interfere with your wedding. I personally don't think I cold tell anyone that they couldn't have a certain date unless it was interfering with the actual day of my wedding.

pa56 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:13 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I got married October 4, 2009. I don't think October 4th is now off limits to any family members who get married in the future.

I would be a little annoyed that now I would have to 'share' my anniversary with someone else I know but I would keep those feelings to myself.

vicky1125 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:14 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

i understand your feelings but you can't tell people when they can or cant get married. JMO.

EsquireBride Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:19 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

updated with more info.

trophywife Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:21 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

if the US wedding is first, then would they use that as their official wedding date? and then 2/16 would just be the date of the overseas reception? if so, no big deal. i would hate to share my anniversary with a sibling, but it's probably not worth the fight.

vicky1125 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:22 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

so is it the money factor? would the money matter if it wasn't the same day as your anniversary? i would be happy cause then you'd get to visit more places.

MrsList09 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:23 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I would say no way too. Then if there are anniversary parties and all that, they're always competing. Tell them to get their own date.

Ann 52409 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:23 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I would go and support, just look at it as a vacation during your one year anniversary.

littlepixie12 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:29 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

well I personally would wnat to go on a special vacation for our 1 year anniv. so I would be a little upset but that wouldnt be the real day of their wedding .. it would be the one they are having here right? But then again IMO, I dont think a second wedding is necessary at all. My mom's whole family and half of my dads family (basically all my aunts and uncles, cousins) are overseas and can not come to my wedding (even though they want to) because they have no money. But im not having a second wedding lol JMO, no offense

edt: hope this didnt come off as rude

MrsKtoBe Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:30 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Posted by vicky1125

i understand your feelings but you can't tell people when they can or cant get married. JMO.

ITA. Tahiti, China, its his brother and I think you should both definitely be there. While China IS a little weird and crazy, I think its an honor that he invited you to be there and meet her family. IMO you cant own your wedding date. Plus, I'm sure the other wedding is the one they will call their anniversary, so the only day you will have to share 'your date' is in China. Sorry, JMO.

littlepixie12 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:31 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

wow, tickets to china are insane and the flight is long.. thats kind of lot to ask of people.

flairforfashion Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:33 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Dude, I would LOVE to go to China for my one year anniversary! Nothing like celebrating love and marriage on your anniversary IMO.

pa56 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:35 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

China is awesome - words cannot describe seeing the Great Wall up close and personal!

Yes, it's a long and expensive flight. But if you can afford it by saving now, definitely do it!

EsquireBride Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:43 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Posted by littlepixie12

well I personally would wnat to go on a special vacation for our 1 year anniv. so I would be a little upset but that wouldnt be the real day of their wedding .. it would be the one they are having here right? But then again IMO, I dont think a second wedding is necessary at all. My mom's whole family and half of my dads family (basically all my aunts and uncles, cousins) are overseas and can not come to my wedding (even though they want to) because they have no money. But im not having a second wedding lol JMO, no offense

edt: hope this didnt come off as rude

Nope, not rude! It is custom in her culture to do a Chinese wedding as well. I am sure it will be very different from the US wedding. Not having the second wedding is not an option at all for her family.

littlepixie12 Posted: Jan 23, 2009 11:45 AM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Posted by EsquireBride

Posted by littlepixie12

well I personally would wnat to go on a special vacation for our 1 year anniv. so I would be a little upset but that wouldnt be the real day of their wedding .. it would be the one they are having here right? But then again IMO, I dont think a second wedding is necessary at all. My mom's whole family and half of my dads family (basically all my aunts and uncles, cousins) are overseas and can not come to my wedding (even though they want to) because they have no money. But im not having a second wedding lol JMO, no offense

edt: hope this didnt come off as rude

Nope, not rude! It is custom in her culture to do a Chinese wedding as well. I am sure it will be very different from the US wedding. Not having the second wedding is not an option at all for her family.

Wow.. I hope they are helping her pay for it... at least it will be different and you will probably get to see a place that you would otherwise not go to... but I still would be upset if it was on that day. lol. .. maybe just a few days before or after and it would be okay, IMO.

Suzanner Posted: Jan 23, 2009 12:02 PM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

I don't agree with your stance on their getting married on your anniversary. It's not your wedding day, it's your anniversary. There are only 52 weekends in a year. That's how it shakes out, sometimes, you know? I'm sure they didn't mean any offense by it.

Regarding going to China, that's a really big expectation to put on people. If you don't want to go, I'm sure they respect that. If you can't afford it, they HAVE to respect that.

However, after your post of yesterday with your new upped billing rate, I don't think it should be that much of a problem!

EsquireBride Posted: Jan 23, 2009 12:05 PM

Re: What would you think? - Q about FBIL and his fiance

Posted by Suzanner

I don't agree with your stance on their getting married on your anniversary. It's not your wedding day, it's your anniversary. There are only 52 weekends in a year. That's how it shakes out, sometimes, you know? I'm sure they didn't mean any offense by it.

Regarding going to China, that's a really big expectation to put on people. If you don't want to go, I'm sure they respect that. If you can't afford it, they HAVE to respect that.

However, after your post of yesterday with your new upped billing rate, I don't think it should be that much of a problem!

HAHA - that is what I get billed out, not what I actually get! My salary was frozen this year.