What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Becca2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:26 AM

What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

I have 6 definites, like 6 girls I had no doubts about asking and they all unofficially know because I told them.

Now, it's a little less than a year before the wedding and I have 2 girls that I'm not sure about asking. I might need them both, but that's if FH decides to add one of his cousins.

1 girl I got close with about a year ago and her parents are BFFs with FH's parents. The only thing is, she's been 'Missing in Action' with me for a couple months now. She makes plans with my roommate (a definite BM btw) and I feel like I just so happen to be there when she comes by the apartment. We talk and we're cool when she's there, but it's still a weird feeling.

The other girl is an old high school chum and we were always awesome together no matter how much time went without us seeing each other.

How long can i wait before I decide to ask one (or both) of them?

ETA: 'Missing in Action' because 'M_I_A' gets blocked out

AdriandSteve Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:28 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Once you offically ask your other def BM's imo that's the cut off. Asking anyone after the fact imo makes it feel like an after-thought. I wouldn't ask or mention anything to anyone about being in the bridal party until you and FH are 100% def about your decisions.

Becca2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:29 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Posted by AdriandSteve

Once you offically ask your other def BM's imo that's the cut off. Asking anyone after the fact imo makes it feel like an after-thought. I wouldn't ask or mention anything to anyone about being in the bridal party until you and FH are 100% def about your decisions.

I see your point and I def shouldn't have jumped the gun w/ telling the other girls, but I wanted to send out those 'will you be my bridesmaid' cookies to make everything official. I'd send them all at the same time so no one feels left out.

Iluvpoodles Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:37 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

I asked a BM a few months after I asked my MOH. I think it's better if you wait a while until you are sure. I waited and even now I regret a choice I made but oh well. I would say even a few months before the wedding as long as she can order the dress in time if ok. I wouldn't be offended. FH was asked to be in a BP 2 months before lol.

GiannisWifey Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:41 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

this happened to me during our eparty...

my 2 cousins, my FSIL and my sis KNEW they were in the BP from the second I got engaged....I am sure my other 2 friends 'knew' but I hadn't mentioned it to them or anything.....at the end of the party, I gave out all the 'bridesmaid cookies' and they knew officially at that point.....

I think once the cookies (or any other type of way you are planning on asking/telling them) are out, thats the official cutoff??

little j Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:50 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

i think the cut-off time is BM dress ordering time

Lsorrent Posted: Nov 09, 2009 11:54 AM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Posted by little j

i think the cut-off time is BM dress ordering time

I agree with this. I haven't had this with any BM's, but FH is considering asking another GM.

FH officially asked all of his GM's at our e-party in February. But an old friend of his who he had lost contact with is now reappearing over the past year and a half. He lives upstate, but every time he comes back to LI, he calls FH to hang out. He's sincerely changed his ways and has definitely grown up from a few years ago. He came over for dinner last night, and then after, FH and I were talking and FH is now considering asking him to be a GM as well. And I think he'll totally understand why FH waited.

StellaStar13 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 12:03 PM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Posted by little j

i think the cut-off time is BM dress ordering time

I agree w/this too. But listen my 1 piece of advice is that if there is ANYONE you are 'on the fence' about asking for whatever reason, don't ask them!!! If she isn't being nice to right now, do want to deal w/that & awkwardness while planning the wedding???

Becca2010 Posted: Nov 09, 2009 01:33 PM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Posted by StellaStar13

Posted by little j

i think the cut-off time is BM dress ordering time

I agree w/this too. But listen my 1 piece of advice is that if there is ANYONE you are 'on the fence' about asking for whatever reason, don't ask them!!! If she isn't being nice to right now, do want to deal w/that & awkwardness while planning the wedding???

You're so right and FH agrees too, but her boyfriend is a GM and I think he's going to be pretty offended. I know I shouldn't base it on him and that it's about me and MY friends and the people closest to me, but I just don't want drama! UGH! At least I have to some time to gauge her and see how she is over the next 2 months or so.

MikesBride2B Posted: Nov 09, 2009 01:47 PM

Re: What's the cutoff for asking your friends to be a BM?

Posted by Becca2010

Posted by StellaStar13

Posted by little j

i think the cut-off time is BM dress ordering time

I agree w/this too. But listen my 1 piece of advice is that if there is ANYONE you are 'on the fence' about asking for whatever reason, don't ask them!!! If she isn't being nice to right now, do want to deal w/that & awkwardness while planning the wedding???

You're so right and FH agrees too, but her boyfriend is a GM and I think he's going to be pretty offended. I know I shouldn't base it on him and that it's about me and MY friends and the people closest to me, but I just don't want drama! UGH! At least I have to some time to gauge her and see how she is over the next 2 months or so.

He'd be offended because he was in it and she wasn't??? If he's really going to be offended by that, maybe he shouldn't be a GM....

Regardless, you shouldn't ask her if you aren't that close with her. I was not at all offended when my ex (then boyfriend) was asked to be in his bro's wedding party and I wasn't. I wasn't close to the bride, so why should I have been asked??