WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH:
1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS.
2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD
AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING 'WOO-HOO!' IS
TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK
SOMEONE'S *** AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO
IT, TOO.
4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK
MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I
WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
5. I DROP MY 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE
FLOOR (WHICH I'M
EATING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT
HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT.
6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE
THAT I LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
7. I GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN
EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE 'OH MY GOD!
I LOVE THIS SONG!'
8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE
GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME.
9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH
GRADE TEACHER.
10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING,
STAND ON A TABLE AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES
STRANGELY OVERWHELMING.
11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN
ON THEIR OWN SO I KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND
THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.
12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME
REALLY GOOD AT IT.
13. I YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO (I THINK)
CHEATED ME BY GIVING ME JUST LEMONADE, BUT
THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE
GIN.
14. I THINK I'M IN BED, BUT MY PILLOW FEELS
STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR
15. I START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING,
'DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT...'
16. I FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN
WHEN I SIT ON IT.
17. MY HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING
TAKE-DOWN MOVES.
18. I'M TIRED SO I JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR
(WHEREVER I HAPPEN TO BE
STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.
19. I BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON MY
BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUTDOWN ON THE TIME I'M IN
THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM MY DRINK.
20. I TAKE MY SHOES OFF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S
THEIR FAULT THAT I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING
STRAIGHT.
