Where WIll his Mom Sleep?!

my FMIL, and 2 FSIL live OOT and are coming in town for my shower. When ever we visit her , she puts FH and I in seperate rooms.

This will be the first time she is coming to visit us. Um, are FH and I NOT supposed to sleep together?

Do we offer her our room? OR do we offer to get her a hotel? I dont want to disrepect her BUT I also dont want her to feel like she is not welcomed in our home ....


What do I do, I emailed FH and he has not replied anyone elese have this issue?

Do you have a guest room or somewhere else in the house for her to sleep?
If so then I would offer her that (and you and FH go about doing what you normally do). If she feel uncomfortable with you sleeping together in your own home, I feel it would be her responsibility to make other arrangements.

We do have a guest room but his 2 sisters are coming as well. They are all pretty conservative but they have stayed with us before so we were going to put them in the guest room and his mom on the pull out couch/ air bed .... or vice versa.

I agree that if she knows we live together and is coming then she must realize we are going to sleep in the same room right?!

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Posted by alli3131

I would put her on the couch or spare room. WHen you are in her house you go by her rules but this time she is in your house and I don't feel you should even worry about it, she should go by your rules since its your place.

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ITA. If you want to be very nice you can offer her your room and you and FH sleep on the couch, but I don't think this is a requirement.

We faced this exact situation when the FILs visited us in CT a few years ago. Even now that we are engaged, we are not allowed to share a room when we stay at their home. We sleep in separate bedrooms there.

When they came to us in CT, we gave FH's parents our bed. I slept on an airbed in the livingroom, with FH sleeping on the couch next to me. It wasn't ideal, but they were relieved that we weren't sleeping in the same bed right next to where they were sleeping.

We don't really understand it, but we still try to make them happy and comfortable. I always tell FH it's because his nephew was conceived in the room next to theirs and they don't want any more grandchildren conceived in their house!!!! (His sister wasn't supposed to have her fiance staying in there... but it was one week after they'd gotten engaged and they snuck around....)

Since just the women are coming to you, though, I don't know if it would be reasonable to give them your bedroom. See if FH thinks it's his mother or his father who is so strict -- in our case, it's FFIL, not FMIL who really cares. The worst case, you could ask FMIL what she wants to do about the sleeping arrangements and get her input.

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Posted by springsandra

We faced this exact situation when the FILs visited us in CT a few years ago. Even now that we are engaged, we are not allowed to share a room when we stay at their home. We sleep in separate bedrooms there.

When they came to us in CT, we gave FH's parents our bed. I slept on an airbed in the livingroom, with FH sleeping on the couch next to me. It wasn't ideal, but they were relieved that we weren't sleeping in the same bed right next to where they were sleeping.

We don't really understand it, but we still try to make them happy and comfortable. I always tell FH it's because his nephew was conceived in the room next to theirs and they don't want any more grandchildren conceived in their house!!!! (His sister wasn't supposed to have her fiance staying in there... but it was one week after they'd gotten engaged and they snuck around....)

Since just the women are coming to you, though, I don't know if it would be reasonable to give them your bedroom. See if FH thinks it's his mother or his father who is so strict -- in our case, it's FFIL, not FMIL who really cares. The worst case, you could ask FMIL what she wants to do about the sleeping arrangements and get her input.

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FH's dad passed away so it is all his mom. She is not 'strict' just conservative/religious...I just dont want to come off as disrespectful even if it is in my own home ya know? My mom could care less so this is new for me!

I think the idea of giving her our room and FH sleeping on the couch and me on the bed is a good idea.. I mean we only live in a 2 BR apt ..at this point we all have to just fit somewhere LOL! this is why I told FH that we need at least a 4 BR house with a finished basement

My parents live out of state so when FH and I visit them, we sleep in seperate rooms.

When my parents come to my little 1 bedroom apt, they take my bed and FH sleeps on one couch and I sleep on the other.

This will be the way it is until we are married. We can then sleep in the same room when we visit them.

Out of respect for my parents, if we are still in my apartment, I'd still let them sleep in our bed.

I think you have to do what's best for you and FH. Understandably you two live together, but could it hurt to have her stay in your room for a weekend?

Good luck with your decision!

I would find a hotel for her. Under no circumstances do you and FH not sleep in your room together in your own house! Or if you have a guest room and are comfortable having guests sleepover, put her in there. You should not give up your bedroom. I think most people are aware if they are going to visit someone, they are responsible for their own accommodations. It would never cross my mind to change my sleeping arrangements in my own home.

And before anyone attacks, this is totally my opinion.

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Posted by MrsBlueRibbon

I would find a hotel for her. Under no circumstances do you and FH not sleep in your room together in your own house! Or if you have a guest room and are comfortable having guests sleepover, put her in there. You should not give up your bedroom. I think most people are aware if they are going to visit someone, they are responsible for their own accommodations. It would never cross my mind to change my sleeping arrangements in my own home.

And before anyone attacks, this is totally my opinion.

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I agree. In your house it is ok to sleep in the same room. It is another thing when you visit FMIL at her house. Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules.
I would offer to make the hotel reservations for her and explain there is simply not enough room for everyone to stay at your house.

I have to say that I was surprised when FH's parents told him we wouldn't sleep in the same room at their house, because my parents never cared. I really thought once we were engaged it would be different.

We'll be married so soon at this point, it isn't worth standing on any personal principles about it to us. We just follow along with what makes them comfortable.

We mostly gave them our bed when they came to town because the other options weren't nearly as comfortable and we didn't want to put them out.

Hope your FMIL's visit goes well!

First of all - is his mother elderly or unhealthy? If so, offer her your bed, which I'm sure is the most comfortable bed in the house. It's the proper thing to do.

However, if she's not unhealthy or elderly, I would let her either sleep in the guest room or the couch.

In my opinion, I'd go with the 'your house, your rules' principal. You two are adults who are beginning your lives together in your own apartment. I understand the respect thing, but respect has to be mutual.

If it ever came up, in my mother's house, I wouldn't sleep with FH. However, if my mother stayed here with us, you can bet that I'm not altering my sleeping arrangements.

JMO.

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Posted by MrsBlueRibbon

I would find a hotel for her. Under no circumstances do you and FH not sleep in your room together in your own house! Or if you have a guest room and are comfortable having guests sleepover, put her in there. You should not give up your bedroom. I think most people are aware if they are going to visit someone, they are responsible for their own accommodations. It would never cross my mind to change my sleeping arrangements in my own home.

And before anyone attacks, this is totally my opinion.

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hahaha! I love how you anticipate being attacked now before it actually happens!! here's some hugs for you!!!!