I'm having a very small bridal party....just a Maid of Honor, Best Man, Bridesmaid, 2 Flowergirls, and 2 Jr. Groomsmen. My brother will be walking my mother down the aisle. My FH has one sister and he wants to put her and her husband in the bridal party. I'm not close to her at all....she's not that very nice. We talked about this once and agreed on the bridal party we had selected. Now, I have my mother-in-law putting me on the spot, asking me to put her daughter and son-in-law in the wedding party!! I don't think this is fair....I think I should have control over who I choose as my bridesmaids and FH should choose his groomsmen. Am I being unreasonable?? Shouldn't I be able to choose my own bridesmaids without my IL's butting in???
AlliCatB
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
That is annoying, but FH should fight your FMIL for you. If he's unwilling, I would just have her in it to avoid an argument. Maybe you shouldn't ask me though, I've been aloowing people to push me into decisions all along and now I'm getting frustrated with how much of this weddnig was NOT decided by me.
tricia3381
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
u choose the BM's and fh's chooses the GM's.
blu6385
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you can choose your BM and i would not put your FSIL in it ... have you FH tell his mom that the bridal party has already been decided and sorry she cant be in it.
sunflower13
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You should pick your BM. Although I have a brother who I am very close with and it was important for me to have him be a GM. So FH asked him andit has actually made them closer. FH has a sister who he isn't as close with and who hasnt been the nicest person to me.I offered to have her by my BM if it meant that much to FI but it didnt so she is either doing a reading or lighting the memorial candle. If it means that much to FI than it deserves a discussion between the both of you. Mothers and MIL should stay out of it. JMO
nifheim
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
You choose no if and or but's about it. FH choose his groomsmen. If you allow other people to choose for you then you become this HUGE BP of people who probably will make you life a living hell if you don't get along with them. Many of a bride has told me horror stories of bp gone wrong. People not going to dress fittings, agruments over colors, etc. Tell anyone outside of your fh that the final descision rests with the you and fh and its final. Sorry that you can't have everyone apart of the bp but you feel its best to be small and to have the CLOSEST people to you.
shopaholic07
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
Posted by sunflower13
You should pick your BM. Although I have a brother who I am very close with and it was important for me to have him be a GM. So FH asked him andit has actually made them closer. FH has a sister who he isn't as close with and who hasnt been the nicest person to me.I offered to have her by my BM if it meant that much to FI but it didnt so she is either doing a reading or lighting the memorial candle. If it means that much to FI than it deserves a discussion between the both of you. Mothers and MIL should stay out of it. JMO
I agree with what you said--Mother/MIL should stay out of it. That's what upsets me the most....FH and I agree and get along so well, but his mother's meddling caused us to have an argument (and it absolutely kills me when I argue with FH). If I give in to her now and does what she wants, I can only imagine how much more meddling this will lead to.
natseven
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
that is a hard one. I have two brothers and its very important to me that they are in my bridal party. Lucky for me, FH has no problem with this. I do think you should be able to pick your own bridal party and if FH agrees with you that its best to leave them out..then stick to it otherwise I would ask them to be in the bridal party to make FMIL happy..they soon will be your family too after all.
DandS
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DH & I picked our BP. Although we only had family in it (brother and sisters), so the decision was not difficult. I wanted his sister and my sil in it and he wanted my brother and his bil in it, so their was no fight over that.
My opinion is for you both to pick your BP and not listent o anyone else!
cherish83
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Posted by tricia3381
u choose the BM's and fh's chooses the GM's.
Thats how we did it
shopaholic07
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Posted by natseven
that is a hard one. I have two brothers and its very important to me that they are in my bridal party. Lucky for me, FH has no problem with this. I do think you should be able to pick your own bridal party and if FH agrees with you that its best to leave them out..then stick to it otherwise I would ask them to be in the bridal party to make FMIL happy..they soon will be your family too after all.
Thanks for your advice.....I just think if I do stuff to 'make FMIL happy', then eventually she's going to start pushing me around. She can pushy and overbearing and I don't want her to start walking all over me.
shopaholic07
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
Posted by AlliCatB
That is annoying, but FH should fight your FMIL for you. If he's unwilling, I would just have her in it to avoid an argument. Maybe you shouldn't ask me though, I've been aloowing people to push me into decisions all along and now I'm getting frustrated with how much of this weddnig was NOT decided by me.
This is exactly how I feel.....this is my wedding and I feel I should be making the decisions. I don't need anyone butting in, mother or MIL, telling me what to do or how to do things. If i let MIL have her own way now, she's going to walk all over me.
shopaholic07
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
Bump......
kateretak2
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
I chose my BMs and FH chose his GMs but my brother is a GM and his two sisters are BMs. It meant a lot for us to have our family members in it regardless of who's side they'd be standing on. I think if your FH wants his sister to be a part of the wedding maybe give in on this one... but not because FMIL does.
shopaholic07
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
Posted by kateretak2
I chose my BMs and FH chose his GMs but my brother is a GM and his two sisters are BMs. It meant a lot for us to have our family members in it regardless of who's side they'd be standing on. I think if your FH wants his sister to be a part of the wedding maybe give in on this one... but not because FMIL does.
Exactly.....I feel that FMIL is putting her two cents in where it shouldn't be. If FH and I can agree on who we want in the wedding party, then who is she to come in and make additions?
Honestly....I would rather not have her in the wedding party. I think I should be the one to choose my BM just like he chose his GM and I didn't impose anyonee on him. I think he's more concerned with pleasing his precious baby sister and making her feel included (she's spoiled beyond belief).
acutemark
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
I chose my BM and my FH chose his GM. I had a similar situation where people came up to me and asked, why isn't so and so in the Bridal Party? and I keep saying that I chose my people I want up there for me and my FH chose his people that he wants there for him. Some people may not like it but you are the one getting married and you have every right to have the people you want stand up for you and do not let anyone tell you different.
GinaZ
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Re: Who chooses BM's?
U are not being unreasonable. if they want her in, have her be on the grooms side. I have seen weddings where they do this. Your side should be for who you want in it and who you are close with.
BTW, if they don't like that you don't put her in, tell them they can help pay for it and then you will consider it. :) Why do people think its okay to tell brides what to do. Its OUR wedding!!!!
Julybride08
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You choose!!! Don't let your MIL tell you who to pick. Stand up to her or have FH explain to her this is who you picked and thats it!
MrsBrags7706
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I know its sounds annoying, but you usually ask your FSIL and FBIL to be in the wedding. I didn't want to either, cause I don't get along with DH's sisters that well and they b___tched about everything!!!!! I hated it, and it was a pain, but everything was fine the day of and thats whats important.
I would really just have them in it. Its kinda rude not to. I know you may not be wild about it, but its proper etiquette. . . JMO
shopaholic07
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Posted by GinaZ
U are not being unreasonable. if they want her in, have her be on the grooms side. I have seen weddings where they do this. Your side should be for who you want in it and who you are close with.
BTW, if they don't like that you don't put her in, tell them they can help pay for it and then you will consider it. :) Why do people think its okay to tell brides what to do. Its OUR wedding!!!!
OMG---my mom said the exact same thing!! FH's family is farily wealthy whereas my family is not and they have not offered to pay for ANYTHING. If they want to have their say, then they should contribute money to the wedding. Case closed.
And it is MY wedding!!! FMIL had her say when her daughter got married--my wedding is none of her concern.
