Who helped you the first few weeks?

I've been down lately b/c my mom died 1 year and 1/2 ago and I don't know what I'm going to do when the baby comes. DH will take off from work for 1 week, but if things are as usual, he won't cook dinner or do many things that I normally would like laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. I don't mean to sound ungrateful about him, and maybe he will do ALOT more than usual, but I'm not so sure.

My stepmother is in India b/c my step-sister is due with twins on the same date as me! My dad is here and has a lot of free time, but when we were young, he was not around, and I guess my family was the type where the man earns money and the woman raises children. I'm not even sure if my dad ever changed our diapers. So, not sure how much help he will be either. I have my sister who works full time, she lives close to us but no car. Peter's sister lives in Queens too, but she has 3 kids and works part time.

My aunt and cousin offered to come stay with us, but I'm not close with them and they only spoke to my father, so it's kind of awkward. It's so hard to predict how I will feel and what kind of help I will need.
Was anyone else in this situation, or sort of alone?

FH took 3 MONTHS off of work when Emma was born. (he owns his own business). So it was great to have him for help. My mom was over a lot!

If I didnt have to have a c-section I probably could have handled things just fine after the first week or 2.

Make meals in advance and freeze them. that way DH wont have to cook all he has to do is micro or oven them... and being a new daddy he is going to have to realize that your attention is going to the new baby and he is going to have to pick up the slack. Sure the first few times you may have a load of laundry that went in whites and came out pinks but he'll learn.

If you can get through the first week with your DH I think you will be fine. And remember we are always here for support

I'm sory you are sad about your mom. This must be a bitter sweet time for you.

Our plan (and who knows if we will follow it) is to have just us in the house, so Patrick and I can get used to the baby and vice-versa. My mom will probably stop by every day.
Pat's mom offered to come stay with us for a week, but I'd rather spend the time getting to know my family alone.

Niha,

I dont think you'll want anyone besides the three of you in the house. You will be extremely exhausted, falling asleep as you sip coffee (not joking either ! ) and like Jenn said, you will want to adjust as a little family.
John stayed home for a week. To be honest, like Karen said, if you can get by with the first week with your hubby, you should be fine after that.
You are a strong gal, and your hubby will be there for you.
Our little agreement was on the nights that hubby didnt have to wake up for work (Fri and Sat) he did the night feedings. He also was (notice I said WAS) in charge of keeping a stock of formula made.

For the time that he was home, he helped TREMENDOUSLY (I wish it was for good! ) He cooked, cleaned, and just did EVERY SINGLE thing imaginable, it was like living a dream, LOL. (BOY was that short-lived! )
He still is very helpful, but unfortunately for me, Im a LOW MAINTENANCE kinda wife, and even after a c-section I was very up and about and getting things done in NO time.. even after the Dr. said to rest alot...

Niha, just come on here for support, we're here for you. and call on everyone who offered support in your family, theres nothing wrong with that. and if you have company and youre really tired, just say 'if you dont mind, im going to lay down' and they will either watch the baby for you, or leave at that time...
Play it by ear, you'll be fine !

FH went to work after 3 days & it was just me & Patrick. He called alot though. I had a c-section & I managed. You will be amazed what you can do when you have no choice! I kind of liked my alone time. When they are first born babies mainly sleep. (& so do Mommies)

Dandj-Men might amaze you. John never held a baby nor changed a diaper until in the hospital. And he was a pro after the first day. I have a friend who's husband has the same thoughts as in olden times. NIP THAT IN THE BUD!!! I'm telling you this because she has a difficult time because he NEVER spends alone time with the kids. I didn't give John the oppurtunity. I handed him the baby saying I'm going to the store/shower/ I want to get dressed...ect!!! Luckily John loved his alone time as well & after 21 months he STILL loves his 'boys time'.

First, I think it is very normal to miss your mother more and more as your due date is approaching. It is very difficult to think of having a child without her help- I can only imagine.
In all honestly Niha please speak with your husband about this. I am sure he will help you if he knows that you need the help. I think making some meals and freezing them is a great idea and will really pay off in the end. Red sauce, meatloaf, eggplant, soups, chicken cutlets all freeze really well. Make double batches and put them in single serve gladware- label everything too. Also, show DH how to use the washer/dryer. Explain to him that you cannot carry heavy loads after giving birth and that you need his help. Would he really refuse you? Now, if your Aunt does offer to come and help you say thankyou to her and let her help you. Maybe this will be a nice time to start a relationship with her. Let people help you. When you move into the new condo, ask around if people know of any good cleaning people. And then see if you and DH can swing having someone clean for a week or three. The money may be well worth it for you both. If not, then let your Dad come over. He can surely watch a baby while you shower and I bet if you asked, he would run the vacumn on the rugs. You might say 'he would never' but I bet he would if you asked. Maybe nobody ever asked him before.

I guess I am a bit different than some of the other girls- I don't mind people coming over when I am home with the baby. I know how much work it is going to be and if the people who love me offer to help I don't plan on saying No to them. I don't believe that I need the house all to myself to adjust in those first few weeks. I think having people help me will allow me to get some rest and enjoy just being a Mom and not worrying about the rest of the house for a while.

Steve will be home 1 week w/ me & Peanut. I'm not at all nervous about being alone w/ the baby, but, with that said, I KNOW my huge family will want to come over ASAP and, like Michele, I won't refuse any help...except for the first 2 or 3 days - I really want to be alone w/ Steve and the baby then, especially since I'll be *learning* how to breastfeed!

I think it's important to have a little 'alone' time w/ you, DH and your new arrival!! It's a big adjustment, to say the least!!

I'm sure your DH will be wonderful!! I'll be home from work the last 2 weeks of June and if I don't deliver by then , I'll be happy to help you!!

Thanks everyone. I have heard both sides from other people, that we might want to have the time alone, just the 3 of us during the first week or so, OR that we might need all the help possible. It's just so hard to tell what I will feel and what my needs will be. The other day Peter's sister was over and was explaining to him that he has to do a lot more than he thinks because I will be nursing all day long. It must be true that you really don't know what it's like until you become a parent yourself, because he didn't seem to take her seriously.

About my mom, I guess I'm being a big baby by thinking 'if only my mom were here it would be fine' but she's not and I have to accept that and utilize others who want to help. I'm sure it will work out!

You are NOT being a big baby Niha. Missing your mother is so natural and honestly, I would be shocked if you said anything other than that.
I already miss both of my grandmothers being here for the birth, and I have big family. But when you love someone you want to share these special times with them. That doesn't make you a big baby, it makes you human.

Niha, I'm sorry about your mom, but she'll be with you throughout everything, I know not in body, but in spirit. She'll be more of a help to you then you'll realize!!

As for who will be helping me when I get home, that's a 'debate' Joe and I have been having. He keeps telling me how 'great it is we're going to have all this help' and I keep telling him 'what help and why is it so great?' Not for nothing, but I'm not the type that likes a bizzillion people hoovering over me when I'm not at my best -- as a matter of fact, I don't want ANYBODY near me at that time! I want to be left alone and don't like all this fussing over me. I know my mother will come and help and so will his mother, but in all honesty, when it comes to the night, BYE BYE EVERYBODY!!! I keep telling him that I know everybody wants to come over and blah blah blah blah, but everybody better realize they have a house to go home to and they better do so!!

I'm sorry if that sounds real b*tchy, but like Anna and JennRenee said, I want time to bond with my new family and don't need to hear 'oh that's not how you do it' or whatever -- you know how everybody is an expert and you are now the moron and don't know crap!!! I know exactly what to expect, I've been around babies all my life and am not the slightest bit nervous about my abilities as a mother.

I'm getting off my soapbox now -- but you can see that's been bothering me! I know I'll be on here (if I have that laptop set up -- don't yell Jen ) venting away about this my house is full of people THAT WON'T LEAVE!!!!

Hugs to you Niha . I think your DH will help out a lot more when the baby comes along. I would also do the frozen dinners. Everything will work. Talk to your DH about your feeling, so that he will know what is expected of him. I am sure evrything will work out.

If you need to talk, FM me.

Niha,
Maybe you can write your mom a letter. Tell her about what youre feeling. How you wish she were here. What she taught you about being a mom. How special being a mommy will be to you, because of her... and put the letter in a special place on Mothers Day, from you to your mom, and she is in a special place now, looking down on you, and OHHHH how proud she is of you..

Debbie,
Youre too funny. There will be times that you WILL want company or someone to talk to, and there will be times that you will want to sleep ALLLL DAYYYY.

Youre not a b#tch for saying that, and you wont be a b#tch for feeling that way!

Just call me anytime you need to vent