Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

WedHead Posted: Sep 18, 2005 01:01 PM

Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

FH & I have been disagreeing over this topic. We both are having our bachelor/ette parties the Saturday night before the wedding to include everyone (his bro lives in FL and I have 2 BMs who live in London, one of which is his sister).
Anyway, we were originally planning on a night away - me in AC at a spa casino, him at Mohegan with golf first. But since it's the weekend before the wedding, I want to keep costs to a minimum. I don't feel people should have to put out that kind of $ so close to the wedding. He thinks it shouldn't make a difference. But I know, if I had the expensive of a wedding coming up, it would be difficult for me to spend $500 on a day/night out. With the wedding around the corner, we don't really have an extra grand to spend on it either. FH thinks the guys going to his bachelor party will pick up the tab for him. I think this is too much to ask. I can see everyone chipping in for dinner, but to allow them to split the cost of his room, golf, etc. I think is a lot to ask (or of his best man to ask of the group on top of their own spending). We've both since decided to keep the festivities local but now FH seems like he's resenting the fact that I made a point of saying I thought it would be rude to ask these guys to do this and he is throwing it back to me that his BP is now local b/c of me (I never insisted he change it, I just suggested he pay for him for the bulk of the activities). Should i have kept my mouth shut? Do the people attend your BP usually pick up the entire tab?
Sorry so long...

JacnRob729 Posted: Sep 18, 2005 01:11 PM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

my bp picked up the tab for both my husband and myself...also, all of the bachelorette parties that i have been to, the bp pays for the bride....and the guys pay for the groom....

Backinneyork Posted: Sep 18, 2005 06:32 PM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Neither of us paid for a thing! It was great And unexpected! I went armed with cash just in case!

kbeana24 Posted: Sep 18, 2005 06:56 PM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Posted by JacnRob729

my bp picked up the tab for both my husband and myself...also, all of the bachelorette parties that i have been to, the bp pays for the bride....and the guys pay for the groom....

my MOH put up most of the money. Everyone split dinner (and paid for me). We went to a club, where she had reserved a table. She paid for my cover. I really hope people paid her back, but a lot of my bp only went to dinner, not the club.

hmpena Posted: Sep 19, 2005 08:44 AM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

I've been to bachelorette parties where I haven't been in the bp and chipped in for everything, limo, dinner, drinks, etc.

jimmysgrl Posted: Sep 19, 2005 09:02 AM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Hmmmm.....this is a tricky one. The bridal parties I've been in have mostly been local (with one going into NYC) and the bridal party has footed the bill, HOWEVER, (and this is a big however) I really think you are right and extremely kind to recognize how your bridal party may be strapped for cash. My FH and I are actually throwing our own bachelor/bachelorette party for the same reason, so that our BP doesn't have to spend a dime (except gas). I'm sorry that he's resentful that he is having a local bachelor party and if he feels really bad about it then maybe he can go out with his friends after the wedding and do some big weekend getaway. But I know for my bridal party, if they are already spending the money on travel, hotel arrangements and then if they feel they need to give me a gift, that really adds up. I think you are very sweet for thinking of them

Mrs.Z Posted: Sep 19, 2005 09:03 AM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Posted by JacnRob729

my bp picked up the tab for both my husband and myself...also, all of the bachelorette parties that i have been to, the bp pays for the bride....and the guys pay for the groom....

Thats how it went for us too.

Laura&Phil Posted: Sep 19, 2005 11:35 PM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

For the 2 Bachelorette parties I've been to I chipped in equally with the other girls and I wasn't in the BP for one of them- I was going to be but the bride had to have her sis-in-law instead. Her sis-in-law didn't even attend the dinner!! That BP was in Philly (the girls are from NJ) and I chipped in extra for the hotel when the MOH came up short- I didn't chip in for the shower so it worked out for me and I wasn't angry that I wasn't a BM-that was my gesture for the bride. My FH and I also gave a generous wedding gift after spending 300 for the hotel for their wedding. For the other party I was MOH and I expected the BP at least to chip in for dinner for the bride. I was going to mainly cover the bride for the club but we got in free anyway. Everyone chipped in and one BM flew in from Minnesota 3 times for all of the parties.

For my and FH BP I will bring money but everyone we speak with seems cool with paying for us. (and actually insists on it whenever I start to say that I don't want them paying so much for me) but we have a large BP and it's local. For weekend trips you can't expect it but don't turn it down! Personally, it isn't fair that he's blaming you and I'd talk to him about it. You are considerate and correct and that way of thinking will help you keep your BP as friends afterward. I have seen BP that were very angry with the bride and they aren't really speaking to her afterward....good luck.

csorisi Posted: Sep 20, 2005 09:46 AM

Re: Who pays for the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

My FH has been to bachelor parties in vegas & whoever went picked up the tab for the groom even though they weren't in teh bridal party. They did pay for one of the dinners on one of the nights but didn't go crazy when it came to every meal & everytime they went out. They made one night the bachelor party & that is when everyone chipped in again. Mine is in the city & everyone is chipping in for dinner & we will see how the night goes...I don't expect everyone to pay for me...I will try my hardest to try & buy myself a drink or two.