Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

nrvbrd Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:18 PM

Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I was very hesitant about posting this because I did not know how it would be taken.

I hear so many stories of the trouble people have with them. I did not have any- just a MOH, 6GM, fg and rb. I had a perfect, unique, and creative wedding. It was a King's wedding.

Do you think a part of the reason people feel compelled to have a full bridal party is for appearance sake ? I know planning a wedding you get so excited that you want to put all your friends in it, but what I have found is so many of these so called friends sometimes do not have your best interest at heart?

Have any of you ever thought of not having one?

Just curious.

jennbaby Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:20 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

Kiesha you are VERY right, thats why I had a small intimate BP with those who are VERY close and who, as you said, had my best interest at heart!

Crisco718 Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:23 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

If I did not have very close friends I would lean towards not having bridesmaids. We were very tempted to not have groomsmen because some of my DH friends are not very reliable. I had absolutely no complaints about all but on of my BM's and I am glad that I had them. I could not imagine my day without these ladies. If I had friends that I thought were questionable, I left them out.

Back to you question, I think that sometimes these decisions are made for appearance sake and that can lead to disappointment.

EvenEdan Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:27 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I agree. People do get caught up in the need to have BMs because tradition makes you feel like you must have them. I don't think they are necessary and I think a wedding looks just as beautiful without any. A friend of mine had no BP except for all the little kids in her family, it looked adorable. I think people often don't see the headache that some BMs can cause until after its already a done deal and then you're kind of stuck. I am blessed with nine BMs that I wouldn't even think about not having, but everyone's situation is different. I love when people do unconvential things with their wedding, so having no BMs is okay in my book.

PS I have a BM who is insisting she wants to wear a tiara and add a broach to the dress. LOL. She's been fun to deal with.

deedee007 Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:29 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

So True. I am having my MOH and my Very good true friend. The bridal party is a little off because, my fiance is having his best man and 3 groomsmen. I don't care how it looks because the two girls on my side are the only friends in my life that have never done me wrong. I've known them both for over 10 years and they feel special that it is only them..

nrvbrd Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:32 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

Dee, it will like fine.

I had my sister, FG, RB and my male cousin stand on my side, while , DH had his Bm and 4 gm on his side.

The guys walked by themselves up the aisle. People thought it was very cool

Red30NY Posted: Sep 29, 2003 12:36 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I had a fairly large bridal party - 1 MOH and 6 bms. I didn't regret having a big party, but there were two people I could have not asked and been perfectly happy. Everyone I know who's any sort of bridal party has had at least one problem bm. That sort of thing can be eliminated if you only have a MOH, but I really wanted my friends to be included. My SIL was a pain in the a** from the get go, and one other friend, whom I've known since I was a year old, decides to blow off my bachelorette party and not ever call me, then finally call me two days before the wedding to ask when my mom was going to treat everyone to manicures (I had told everyone about that far ahead of time). Even despite those problems, I still don't regret having a big bridal party. I had a couple of bms who went above and beyond the call of duty, which more than made up for the delinquent ones.

nrvbrd Posted: Sep 29, 2003 01:30 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

good responses.

2bewedin04 Posted: Sep 29, 2003 01:45 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I think the key is expectations. I have few ... I'm not very close with my sister but am pretty close with my SIL, who has three kids. I am not having a MOH bc I don't think my sister would do MOH type things (she doesn't live here), nor do I think it's fair to shoulder it all on my SIL.

I asked two friends to be my other BM's because I'd feel sad w/o people who know me best standing up there with me. However, they don't live here either so if I have a shower at all my mom will probably have to do it. My friends will probably throw a bachelorette right around the wedding. But, if neither of these things happen, I am still marrying the best man in the world so I'm happy.

I know who I picked. I know their constraints. I have expectations based on that.

Stinker Posted: Sep 29, 2003 01:46 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I myself have been guilty of Bad BM behaviour - if you have never been in the position of the bride you someitmes you dont even know you are doing it.

I really just wanted to have MOH and a 1 BM & Jr. Brides Maid - FH 'needs' his 7 closest friends as GM including his BM.

Dont get me started on a vent please this is a touchy situation with me.

nrvbrd Posted: Sep 29, 2003 01:48 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

Stinker you can still have your MOH, BM an JBM. It is totally ok if it is uneven. mine was and it looked great!

Stinker Posted: Sep 29, 2003 01:50 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I have the option of asking my Step Brother to stand on my side - but he can be kind of flaky. So I am afraid to ask him, one of my friends lives far away and she will be a new mommy by then I love her to death and I want her to be a BM but I am going to give her the option ...if she feels like it is too much I wont be hurt in the least.

ThreeTwenty Posted: Sep 29, 2003 02:16 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I wanted a king's wedding, only bc I didn't want his pain in the ass sisters in the BP. They started bothering me about the dress, etc as soon as I got engaged and I hadn't even asked anyone yet. My 'best friend' was rude to me and didn't even congratulate me when I got engaged so I didn't want her either.
FH INSISTED on having his ugly b*tch sisters (who by the way SHOWED him my dress) bc I wanted my brothers in the BP.
The best thing I did, though, was wait until 6 months before the wedding to pick my BMs. I picked only those friends who were genuinely happy for me and helped me with everything. I can honestly say that I am very happy with my BM's (except his sisters) and they have been a pleasure. They were all SO excited when I asked them, I couldn't believe their reactions!

Stinker Posted: Sep 29, 2003 02:23 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

NVR -
did you post your pics I dont remember ?

I would love to see for inspiration!

jenny2penny Posted: Sep 29, 2003 02:33 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I know what you mean. We decied that our BP (& infact who we are inviting to the wedding) are our closest people in our lives (except for a Gm I want out) our BP are those we care most about (grooms best friend since boyscouts, and our sisters & BILs). I don't want to look back at pictures and see faces we no longer talk to. Wedding is a moment in time signifying the start of your lives together, I see it as inintimate and memorable time. Do what feels right for you 2!

nrvbrd Posted: Sep 29, 2003 03:07 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

Stinker- I have not posted proofs yet, but I will soon.

It looked really cool- my sister surrounded by all the guys.

Jenny- well said- bravo!!!!!

shelzyp Posted: Sep 29, 2003 04:50 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

I picked the 3 girls that I am closest with, and I couldnt' get marreid with out them by my side. I ahve been friedns with them since kindergarden, 7th grade and 9th grade. THen I asked my SIL and my FSIL. I was really unhappy about FSIL< but felt this was a good gesture on my part, since we don't always got along. We she was an ASS adn since dropped out, so I was able to ask another friend that I was friends with since 1st grade. I had others that I was thiking of including, but I thougth they might be a bit flaky, so I left them out, ad FH only had 4 GM anyway.

juju Posted: Sep 29, 2003 10:53 PM

Re: Why- Bridesmaids???- this is for those who have issues with theirs

Yes and Yes.

I think it looks nice for the appearance but for me, I am really close to all my bm's. In the beginning I did have problems with my MOH, (not really being there for me....but, she finally snapped out of it and has been great since!) And my other 6 BM's, they are all so special to me and have been wonderful. They are my sisters I never had!!!

But, I have heard of brides having a bm's in their bridal party and they are not even close to them. I guess I am lucky!