Why discriminate against me because I am getting MARRIED?

I am so angry, sad, and confused...

I went out with the girls tonight from work, just got home...while we were out one who heard about us getting promotions, raised, etc let me in on a little something...


I will be staying in the same position for at least another year because they do not know what I am going to do after my wedding....

I have been living With Dan for the past 5 years, and in Rhode Island. I have put 4 years into this company. My heart, blood and soul, even though they constantly put me down, and seems like they want me to quit...

I supposedly am getting a raise, but the other 3 people involved, will all be moving up in positions, while I will be doing the same thing 'because we don't know what she will do after her wedding'.

I AM GETTING MARRIED FOR CHRIST SAKE, THE HAPPIEST AND BIGGEST STEP IN MY LIFE TO DATE...What do they think I am going to do? I cannot afford NOT to work, and I cannot afford to live back in Long Island.

I still have NY license plates on my car because its one from my dads business. I cannot afford a car or insurance, so I am fortunate enough to have my parents to support me and pay for me. The idiot of a boss asked the girl who I am friends with, after telling her about me not moving up, Why does she still have NY plates?? She told him that my parents help me out because I cannot do it on my own with that job...he shut up fast.

Why nobody bothers to ASK ME ABOUT ME is my other question....

But, he never even said congrats, good luck, NOTHING since I got engaged last year...NOTHING..and teh other BEYOTCH, Kate WHo is some sort of Manager, still thinks I am getting married on Halloween, an idea we threw around at first...she never asks how I am doing, nothing...

I am completely homesick, Dan was laid off from his full time job about 3 weeks ago, and works at Ruby Tuesday for peanuts because he knows I love what I do...and he is trying to get a better job...we both have student loans to pay for, but no jobs to help pay for them...etc..etc...we are making ends meet, we are in love, we are getting married, this is a HAPPY time, not a time to put me down for getting married....

Meanwhile, the email we got about having our meetings on Monday about promotions, said it will reflect how we did LAST year, etc..etc..etc....my wedding THIS YEAR should have NOTHING to do with my pay raise and promotion I have been told about for the past 3+ months


I am having such mixed feelings...I am ANGRY thats their only reason for not moving me up..I cried the whole way home, its not fair...its PERSONAL, not PROFESSIONAL, as it should be based on my JOB, not my LIFE as a WIFE. I am also in a sense happy because I do get a raise and no extra head aches, but I am also Sad because I know what I am doing, doing it well, and I am homesick, have no family out here, but Dan and I taking care of each other...and even sadder they look at Marriage as a PROBLEM area...


WHy can;'t things just be NORMAL?!?!?!

It seems that alot of people feel that once we get married, all of our goals and ambitious will go out the window. FH's family thought I would not apply to Law School or that I would not be able to finish because I would want to have kids right away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont sweat it!!! maybe you might be able to find something else in your area? whatever happens, best of luck to you honey!!!!!!

I am and have been looking for a new job....

But I still think that their position on my life is MY BUSINESS>.if You had a question, ASK ME...why do I still ahve NY plates? because I cannot afford my own insurance in Rhode ISland....I have been with my FH 6 and a half years,a nd marriage is not going to make any difference from how I perform at work...I am still dedicated, loyal employee...whether I am married or single or engaged...

Okay, calm down...

Now a little advice. You need to stop whining (okay, so you needed to vent to get it off your chest - no problem! ) and on Monday when it's time for your meeting, you need to go into it with a very strong conviction that you absolutely DESERVE to be promoted along with the rest of the group!

A pay raise is great - don't get me wrong. But, if you truly LOVE what you are doing, and you want to put this job and the growth you're accomplishing on your resume, then you need to SPEAK UP and let it be known that you will NOT accept this treatment.

You are absolutely 100% correct in saying that your personal life should have NOTHING to do with your career path. That is DISCRIMINATION! They would not legally be permitted to hold a woman back for being pregnant and they shouldn't be able to do that to you, either!

Get MAD and let them know that you will gladly accept the extra work load b/c you are up for the challenge and focused on building your career!

COngrats on your promotion!

First of all
What is the deal with this? My female boss made a comment sort of joking but sort of serious when I first got engaged. It was something like I hope you don't decide to quit on us after you get married. Huh? We need both salaries, FH doesn't make that much money for me to be a housewife. Even if he did I would still work. I don't get it.
Sorry you have to deal with this crap.

Thanks for the Pep-talk Claud! I am going to DEMAND I get my promotion, based on my WORK! But in the meantime, look for a new job anyways! I WILL WIN and DEMAND to WIN....because the girl who I work with, doing the SAME JOB, she is getting a Promotion...we do the same exact work and amount of work, there is no difference in us, except she is married...but when she was pregnant (before she lost her baby) They were ASSUMING she was not going to return after, and were trying to restructure it all then too....

OH Well..I know I am getting a raise, but what it amounts to be, I ahve no idea, nor do I really even care at this point...he alst raise was 12 cents!

grass is always greener...

i recently got the 'well i don't know what your plans are for the future...well, i know you are getting married and...well, i don't know if you are up for taking on the responsibility...'

yeah - 'bite me b#%@^h'...

on the other hand, i found this quite interesting...

one morning i overheard a conversation from a single girl to one of her friends. 'i had to work late...AGAIN...well, so-and-so had to pick up her kid from child care and had to rush home, so i, the single person, who supposedly has no life because i have no kids, has to stay late and pick up the slack...'

NOT FAIR.

the workplace SUCKS and we all have to pick and choose our battles. it's not 'fair' for women in general, being single OR married...

hang in there and make sure to stick up for yourself

Holly,

I hope you find a new job soon. This place has been treating you poorly for too long!! I agree with Claud, no if ands or buts you tell them what you deserve. They are discriminating against you and that is that!!

Make sure you have all your previous reviews with you to prove that you have been doing your job well and that you deserve this!!!

Keep looking and don't loose faith, you will get through this and out of that Hell hole!! You don't need to work under the awful conditions that you have been subjected to!