Why do they do it? (vent)

I don't understand. A few months ago, I posted something about FH's aunt in Pennsylvania wanting to throw us a 'shower,' ostentibly because no one from that side of the family (except her) plans to come to our wedding (at least that's how it seems).

FH and I talked about it and I expressed my opinion on how I really didn't think it was something we should do, although it's a nice gesture which I totally appreciate. We are already making a bunch of trips up to NY from where we live in DC for wedding planning, and, frankly, we need all the other weekends we can get to do all the other stuff which is piling up here at home (invites, rings, tuxes, etc, etc). He kept going on about how he felt like his family was being 'dissed' (this from the man whose own mother -- who, btw, lives less than an hour from us -- couldn't care less about our wedding!!) So, finally, in sheer frustration, I caved a little and we ended up coming up with a few weekends we could go to PA as a compromise and, turns out, his aunt was busy both those weekends anyway! So, case closed, right??

WRONG!! Last night I am talking about when my matron of honor can come to town to do wedding stuff with me and he starts giving me the 'well, if we can do THAT, why can't we go to PA for my aunt's party?' routine. I couldn't believe it!! I thought we had already been through this. So we ended up spending ANOTHER hour on it this morning. He just doesn't seem to understand how much there is to still be done and how much I need his help and his support and that some weekends I will just need to be HOME to catch my breath!!

ARGHH! This is making me crazy. How do you all cope? This is really the first time something like this has happened with us, and I don't want to be like this for the next 3-1/2 months!!!

oh Alison, i am so sorry you have to go through this now. just know you are not alone. never ever in our relationship have i second guessed that FH was THE ONE. But yesterday, i was ready to tell him to go to hell. Different subject but same F***ing thing you are going through. And then he writes me this long email about how he is feeling like i take him forgranted because he does so much in the house (like working on the landscaping and feeding the dogs).
as my mom would say, i was ready to SMASH him!

honestly, i have no advice for you, just wanted to let you know: I do NOT know why they do it, BUt they ALL do it!!!!

it will be okay, you will get through it. (I bought myself a bean burrito and had a couple of beers before I saw him!!! - that seemed to help a little!)

Thanks, Jo. It was really the LAST thing I needed this morning, too. It's good to hear I am not alone. If anyone else has stories to share, I'm happy to commiserate.

Now I think I am going to go blow my diet and grab some pizza that was leftover from an event last night (yeah, I know it's not even 11 am but I'm sort of beyond caring at this point...)

You are not alone. I've definitely been arguing a lot with my FH and at times have had the same sentiments as JoRo. I created a to-do list which included things that I've delegated to FH to take care of and it helps keep things in perspective and lets FH know what is on the agenda with the time left to do things in. It has helped me.

I'll share a recent argument with you. I started calligraphy on the envelopes and worked off of a list (with addresses) we had used to send out our save-the-date letter. FH could see that I'm doing the addressing and I'm starting on his list of people and had asked him about some addresses off of his list. Then I find out later that he has a different list where he has updated address information - unbeknownst to me. I got so angry with him that he had this other list and didn't tell me about it and I wasted envelopes and my effort. And he tells me it was my fault that I did not ask him for his updated list, even though he saw me addressing envelopes and even though he wasn't sure what list I was using and didn't offer to tell me he had another list. Luckily I had not progressed too far with his list when I found out.

Hang in there. At least we have a forum here where we can share our problems and people understand.

Aw man, SORRY Alison, our FH's just don't understand how much goes into this. They take so much for granted. You are NOT alone

Alison - hang in there girl! When these things happen, just take a deep breath, stay calm, and explain to him how you feel. Sweetness works wonders....

Allison - you must be my twin! I am planning my NY wedding from Arlington (having it at the Land's End no less!) My FH's mother lives in PA (only about 1-1/2 hours from us) and has made it clear from the beginning that she and FH's father will handle the reheursal dinner and that's all. Fortunately, since my wedding is still over a year away, there have been no issues with showers, etc. But I can completely relate to all your frustrations and fear that they are in my future. Best of luck and remember, you can't make everyone happy....

smiles and happy thoughts,
sandy

I too know what you are going through, Every weekend that I have between now and the wedding is booked with something to do, be it work, the wedding, the shower, the bachelorette party...him on the other hand. He only has something planned for one freaking weekend...then he has the nerve to tell me that he can not understand why I am so stressed out all the time!

Argh!! Argh!! Men!! FHs!! I totally hear you and feel your pain. Mine was making me so crazy that I was ready to call off the wedding a few weeks ago. Seriously ready, not like in the heat of the moment crazy. We've compromised in that he's promised to be more involved and sensitive to my needs and I'm going to therapy! I love him and I know he's the right guy for me and everything but sometimes I just can't stand him!

kay, long way to say I feel your pain. I hope things get better! And definitely stick to your guns and take some of those weekends for yourself so you can relax! Good luck!

Thanks all!!!