It seems that my FMIL has something to say about everything...We told her she could invite a certain number of people to the wedding...FH has a VERY small family, which doesn't even make up half the number of people she has been given...Well, thats not good enough for her...She wants everyone she has ever met to be invited to this wedding...FH has spoken to her many times about this...We want everyone that we are close to at this wedding...Even though our hall can accomodate alot more people than we are having, that's not the point...I am so upset right now...My parents are paying for the reception and FIL's have not offered any help but they want to invite twice as many people as my parents...I don't know what to do! Please help me girls!!! Even if they offered to pay for the guests that go over their number, thats not the point either...We don't want complete strangers at our wedding and we decided that from the beginning.
DAVALJO2
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
You should sit and have a talk with her. The other option is to give a minimum amount of people to invite. You could tell her that she is only allowed to invite 5 people or something. If she wants to invite more then she has to pay for them.
JPC1125
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
to be completely honest Kara, My fh and i decided in the beginning 'no strangers' b/c his father knows alot of people.
well eventually we realized we woudlnt even see many of these people after the receiving line plus they give very generous gifts
I know some people would call it giving in but we are just choosing our battles wisely.
If you still feel like you would be uncomfortable with people you dont know, then stick to your guns but reconsidering never hurts
steelersforlife
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
I agree with JPC1125. I don't think you will even notice these people. But I do think there are times when parents should get involved. It may be a good idea to ask your mom or dad, who are paying for this, to intercede on your behalf and explain how things are going to go down. I think you being constantly in the middle is not a good idea. Try to let other people shoulder some of the drama, if you can.
mendara
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
Same with my FH's family - I have 60 people on my list and he has 150!!! People I don't even know - but my father and my father in law have said they will both chip in and help and I know that sometimes parent's feel proud of their children and they want to invite their friends to witness the wedding of their children - and so we gave in and I think it will be a good thing.
As long as they help you pay.
jennmarty
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
This is how I handled this horribly stressful situation. I took my engagement list, typed up FH side, gave it to FMIL and told her how many more people she could add. There were few complaints, but FH just told her that they are not paying for anything, so she has no say......love victory!!! Good luck!
LIBrideinBWI
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
My FI's family is very small compared to my huge group of Irish Catholic breeders .
The list from my side was about 90 total, we expected no more than 30 from his mom's list. Imagine my surprise when we got her list and there were 98 people on it . 75% of them were people that FMIL hadn't even spoken to in years. 1 address was for a NURSING HOME in Cleveland and 3 people had PASSED AWAY years ago
FI was awesome. He handled it. He called his mom and sat down and went tthrough the list one by one with her and got it narrowed down to about 30. What a champ.
You MUST have FI deal with this - his mom, his problem.
Good luck!
ladybug78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
Thanks for all your advice girls...FH and I have been talking about this situation for a couple days now and its finally resolved..FMIL will invite only the number of people she has been given...From the day we got engaged, we knew how we wanted our day to be...He spoke with his Mom yesterday and explained that its OUR wedding day and we want to be surrounded by our family and close friends...My parents are paying and they have respected our wishes with their guest list...FMIL will have more friends than family members at our wedding and she still wants to invite more people...I honestly think its rude and unreasonable on her part considering she has not offered to pay for a thing!!!! I am just glad that it has been resolved now.
lishbone
Posted:
Member since
Re: Why is planning not fun anymore
Posted by ladybug78
It seems that my FMIL has something to say about everything...We told her she could invite a certain number of people to the wedding...FH has a VERY small family, which doesn't even make up half the number of people she has been given...Well, thats not good enough for her...She wants everyone she has ever met to be invited to this wedding...FH has spoken to her many times about this...We want everyone that we are close to at this wedding...Even though our hall can accomodate alot more people than we are having, that's not the point...I am so upset right now...My parents are paying for the reception and FIL's have not offered any help but they want to invite twice as many people as my parents...I don't know what to do! Please help me girls!!! Even if they offered to pay for the guests that go over their number, thats not the point either...We don't want complete strangers at our wedding and we decided that from the beginning.
oh girl i feel so bad for you..i dont understand why when you are trying to plan a wedding it all of a sudden becomes 'everyone elses' wedding..anyway honestly if they want to pay for the extra people ..let them..its not right but if it will stop an argument then go with it..but it is rude and nothing will change how they are being..but good luck!!
