Why NOW???

Noonie Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:38 PM

Why NOW???

OK, My FH & I are best friends, & we've always gotten along for the most part. We'd have little quarrels here & there (usually when I had PMS), but we've fought more in the last month than we have in the past year!!! Generally about $$$ & the wedding stuff.

I've been with him for almost 3 1/2 years, and we were always so happy. Now I feel like we can't stand each other. I hate this.
Does anyone else have this problem, or is there something wrong here??? Please give me some support here. I'm so depressed.

kittythestray Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:40 PM

Re: Why so FH & me fight NOW??? So sad now.

I'm sure it's just stress - Are you fighting about money in the sense that one of you thinks the other is spending too much on the wedding, or spending too much day to day...? Maybe just take a breather day and plan an activity that you both love doing together to re-connect...

waterspout4 Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:41 PM

Re: Why so FH & me fight NOW??? So sad now.

When you say you can't stand each other do you mean it? I think fighting is normal, but if you're beginning to hate him, then step back and think. FH and I are going through a stressful time right now too. We are at the point where we just want to get it done. Enough of the planning! We want to be husband and wife NOW!

Noonie Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:41 PM

Re: Why NOW???

No. We're not even paying for the wedding. MY PARENTS ARE!!!!! He's stressing out because he wants to save the money for a down payment on a house.

EJSD2006 Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:42 PM

Re: Why so FH & me fight NOW??? So sad now.

don't be sad, it's just the stress. My FH and I went thru it when we first started planning and figuring out $. But now everything is cool again. I actually think we're getting more connected as the wedding gets closer. It's just a phase and believe me it will pass.

curliegirl Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:42 PM

Re: Why NOW???

Yes, DH and I fought about everything concerning our wedding. Men don't get into it )usually as much as we do, so everything was 'no big deal' and I would get upset and he would get upset because of all the $$$$. But he had no concept because he was never involved, all he heard was the price tag.

Hopefully it will pass, and you should tell him hoe much your arguing upsets you and try to figure out the root of it. It's probably just stress, ya know planning a wedding isn't easy!

lauren09 Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:44 PM

Re: Why NOW???

i wouldn't worry too much. this can be such a stressful time and i don't think arguments about $ are that uncommon. i think what's more important is how you guys work out the fights. good luck with everything!!

mushsgrl Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:45 PM

Re: Why NOW???

we defenitly went through that and still do sometimes. we paid for a very big chunk of the wedding, but so did my parents.There is a lot of stress when planning a wedding, even if you are not paying for it, i think fighting comes with the territory, but sometimes you need to sit back and ask yourself if the fighting is workth it(it really shouldnt be) Take time to talk about it and remember that this is suppossed to be the happiest day of your life

Dina Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:45 PM

Re: Why NOW???

I'm sure it's just the stress of all the planning, and the money involved! We're going through it too, so dont worry, you're not alone....we hardly ever got into any arguments in 4 1/2 yrs, and the other day (the same day we found out how much our photographer was going to cost) we ended up almost brawling over the amount of money he spent at Burger King, of all things!!! I'm sure it'll get better once all the stress of wedding planning is gone!

Noonie Posted: Jan 24, 2006 09:49 PM

Re: Why NOW???

I just can't stand it when he keeps saying, 'We could've used that money for a mortgage payment.'

Hello....We were paying for our HONEYMOON AIRFARE--- Not 8 karat diamond encrusted shoes for God's sake!!!!

He feels Everything should go to a down payment on the house!!!! What house!? We haven't even began LOOKING at homes!!!

Why can't we just move into a smaller place for a year or two???

Damn! Where's the Peanut Butter Ice Cream when ya need it!

nygirl77 Posted: Jan 24, 2006 11:30 PM

Re: Why NOW???

Stress, stress, stress. We fight about money and then we fight because he makes suggestions I don't like.

Sounds like you guys need to go out on a date and not talk about anything wedding related!

nygirl77 Posted: Jan 24, 2006 11:31 PM

Re: Why NOW???

Posted by Noonie

I just can't stand it when he keeps saying, 'We could've used that money for a mortgage payment.'

Hello....We were paying for our HONEYMOON AIRFARE--- Not 8 karat diamond encrusted shoes for God's sake!!!!

He feels Everything should go to a down payment on the house!!!! What house!? We haven't even began LOOKING at homes!!!

Why can't we just move into a smaller place for a year or two???

Damn! Where's the Peanut Butter Ice Cream when ya need it!

I hear you on the mortgage comments - FH ALWAYS says things like that. I don't know what the heck he's complaining about - my parents are paying for the wedding.

Shorty McBride Posted: Jan 24, 2006 11:35 PM

Re: Why NOW???

nicolehojo Posted: Jan 24, 2006 11:36 PM

Re: Why NOW???

aww just take a breather! you guys need some time not talking about wedding suff

lovetolove Posted: Jan 24, 2006 11:37 PM

Re: Why NOW???

Don't worry, its just the stress of the wedding, It effected FH and I alot,

The best thing you guys can do is spend a whole day, without talking about money or the wedding, you can plan it, do somethign you love, and talk about other things (plenty going on in this world right now to talk about) and remember why you love each other so much.

I think having a day like that will key when you start fighting, you dont want to fight and fight and not remember the last time you did not fight.

hope you feel better...

Noonie Posted: Jan 25, 2006 12:05 AM

Re: Why NOW???

Thanks everyone! I just spoke to him on the phone & we both agreed that we just need a day to be 'us' again... NOT BRIDE & GROOM

Just Dawnie & Jay

This reminds me of why I became addicted to this site in the first place! Thanks again!

lipglossjunky73 Posted: Jan 25, 2006 07:07 AM

Re: Why NOW???

Don't worry - I think that this is the time when our relationship gets tested - its the first real life stressor (well - not always - we had problems with money and little issues with his kids even before we got engaged)

Think of it this way - now is the easy part. We are going to look back and say - what the HELL were we fighting about??? Center peices? Come ON.... But we need to be tested when it comes to the dynamics of how we handle stress and compromises together.

I work with kids with autism, and that tests families to the limit. The ones who last are the ones who may argue, but also understand the importance of figuring out how to handle stress and crisis together. My FH and I argue to, but we know it is so crucial when it comes to planning our lives together - you have to take the good and the bad.

If it were just good all the time, we wouldn't know what to do when faced with any type of less-than-good issue!!!

Talk to him. Talk talk talk - thats what we do - even if it keeps us up all night.... You will be just fine!!!

IslandPrincess Posted: Jan 25, 2006 08:24 AM

Re: Why NOW???

We're not fighting really, but I get so annoyed with the fact that FH wants to go on our annual trip to Vegas (which costs $2000) and he wants new golf clubs (which costs $1000)... He claims we have plenty of time to save, but October is coming fast...