Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

Ok.......so since I moved in with my (now) DH, back when we first got engaged, I have been paying dearly for it. I never lived away from home so it was traumatic for my parents. (Hello, i lived in Queens and only moved to Jersey City!)

There are not enough phone calls, emails or visits to satisfy them. So, now we bought a house in central NJ which is about a 2 hr ride to Queens. My sister (who lives at home) got a puppy and they want me to come see it. Never mind the fact that I have seen them almost every weekend for the past 2 months. So, I said 'well it's not as easy for me since I moved but I will see her the weekend of (my sister's) birthday - Sept 18. They are flipping out and all insulted that I am not coming before then. Meanwhile my mom and sister do not work in the summer and don't understand that i work all the time. So i was on the phone now and my mom asks again when i am coming and I said 'I already told you - Sept 18th!!' I couldn't help but snap. They also do not understand that when I am at work I cannot BS on the phone for an hour or that after I get home from work at 8pm I cannot BS on the phone for another hour. Don't get me wrong, I call all the time, it's just that I think they still have not accepted the fact that I am MARRIED and DO NOT live at home anymore!!!!!!!

Why do they do this????

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

Ah parents!!! Gotta love 'em.
Sometimes they just don't understand I'm sorry!!

We go through the same thing w/ his parents! Mind you, they live 15 minutes away from us.... I just feel that they don't respect that we're a married couple now & we are allowed to make our own decisions, however different they would be from theirs, which includes when we visit!!!

All I can say is

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

Next time they ask... why not put it back on them and say... 'Well when is the next time you are coming down HERE (to NJ)'.

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

My DH parents do this to him and we see at least one of them EVERY weekend. It's out of control. If we were to see them both every weekend we would have NO time to ourselves to do our own thing. (they are divorced)

Good luck...I feel your pain!

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

I truly, totally feel your pain!! I wish I had some words of wisdom to tell you how to handle this, but when you are close to your family this is often the case. I don't think they realize how hard they make it for us, do they?

For me this began even before we were married, once we began living together. Presently we live within walking distance of my parents .. and trust me I love them dearly (and so does DH). In some ways, its easier to live closeby because they don't expect as many formal 'visits' as they do when you live far (if that makes any sense ...LOL)

But I find myself wondering how much guilt they will put on me when the time comes where we move away -- I know they won't make it easy! Unfortunately there is no way we will remain living where we are for much longer -- we have already outgrown our apartment already, and anything bigger is far too expensive in Westchester or LI

Its bad enough we try to spend adequate enough time with them and then go out to see my inlaws in Long Island on alternate weekends, which often kills our entire weekend I expect if we move away from my parents they will ALWAYS be expecting weekly visits, and that is just going to be a major thorn in my side, much like it seems to be for you!

If you ever figure out how to reconcile this, can you let me know for future refernece

Sorry and good luck

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

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Posted by DjPiLL

Next time they ask... why not put it back on them and say... 'Well when is the next time you are coming down HERE (to NJ)'.

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I second that motion. I know I will have these problems with my mom, b/c she will not drive on parkwayss and does not take public transportation.. Ah, I can hear the guilt trip already

Sorry the parents are trippin on ya..have a hug or two

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

i'm sorry i feel your pain. my in-laws live in ct, we live in manhattan. we do not have a car so just getting up there is a hassle filled 1.5 hour train ride (which get kind of expensive). she always wants us to come up there even though we do nothing when there. we end up just sitting bs'ing about nothing and all i can think is man i could be home doing xyz right now. plus i feel like she keeps a secret running tally of how many times we visit her vs. my family. it's getting so annoying!!!

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

My in-laws live 2 hours away and always are asking when we're coming to visit next. They have been retired for like 20 years now, but we both work full time (with a commute) and only get to do house stuff, errands, spend time together, etc. on the weekend. Not to mention the fact that sometimes we're TIRED. We could be down there for a visit and as we're ready to say good-bye to leave, the first words out of her mouth are 'don't be a stranger, come back soon'. Arrrghhh, it makes me crazy! We haven't even left yet! And on top of that, they're talking about moving to an area that is 3-4 hours away from us. Gotta love the inlaws.

Hang in there!

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

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Posted by HearzBellz

she will not drive on parkwayss and does not take public transportation..

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My god... how does she get around then? LOL

I always chucke when I hear the 'I don't drive on highways' thing... wondering WHY. Especially when the majority of accidents happen at speeds under 30MPH. The highways are your safest bet usually.

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

Trust me it only gets worst when you have a baby!!! I am so sick and tired of schelping my son all over just to please our families!!! I finally broke down and decided to set limits if they want to see the baby on a regular basis they need to come and see us.

Re: Why, oh, Why Must Parents give their Married Children guilt trips...

My MIL needs her own post with the issues she has. She lives 15 minutes away and everytime she comes, she gets 'lost'. When she finally finds her way to our co-op, she calls us from her cell phone saying 'I don't know how to get in' (We live in a co-op complex) When she finally comes in, she brings all her friends or her cousin's uncle's sister and doesn't leave until 1 or 2 in the morning. When she's ready to leave, she'll call us again on her cell phone saying she's lost and she can't find her way out to the car. And then here it is...'I wouldn't have this problem if you invited me over more.'
I usually just walk away...before I say something mean...