Why we love children (jokes)
WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN A kindergarten pupil told his
> teacher
> he'd found a cat.
> She asked him if it was dead or alive.
> 'Dead.' She was informed.
> 'How do you know?' she asked her pupil.
> 'Because I pi ssed in its ear and it didn't move,'
> answered the child innocently.
> 'You did WHAT?!?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
> didn't
> move.'
>
>
>
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later....
> 'Da-ad....'
> 'What?
> 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
> 'No. You had your chance. Lights out.....'
> Five minutes later:
> 'Da-aaaad.....'
> 'WHAT?'
> 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
> 'I told you NO!' If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!'
> Five minutes later......
> 'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
> 'WHAT!'
> 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'
>
>
>
>
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
> into mischief, finally asked him, 'How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?'
> The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
> and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
> sake,
> Johnnie, come in or stay out!''
>
>
> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
> son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
> tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said.
> 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big
> sissy.'
>
>
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
> wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned
> over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
> 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a bit ch to iron.'
>
>
> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
> into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
> She said,'Mommy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember
> Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy ..'
> 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your butt?'
>
>
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus
> five, that son of a bit ch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bit ch is
> nine....'His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you
> doing?'The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.''And
this
>
> is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.'Yes,' he
> answered.Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are
> you teaching my son in math?'
> The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
> The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
> of a bit ch is four?'
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was,
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
> ________________________________________________
>
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
> her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to
> warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the
> farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
> The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
> farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
> 'Holy sh it! A talking chicken!''
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
> teacher
> he'd found a cat.
> She asked him if it was dead or alive.
> 'Dead.' She was informed.
> 'How do you know?' she asked her pupil.
> 'Because I pi ssed in its ear and it didn't move,'
> answered the child innocently.
> 'You did WHAT?!?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> 'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
> didn't
> move.'
>
>
>
> A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> Five minutes later....
> 'Da-ad....'
> 'What?
> 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?'
> 'No. You had your chance. Lights out.....'
> Five minutes later:
> 'Da-aaaad.....'
> 'WHAT?'
> 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
> 'I told you NO!' If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!'
> Five minutes later......
> 'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
> 'WHAT!'
> 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'
>
>
>
>
> An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
> into mischief, finally asked him, 'How do you expect to get into
> Heaven?'
> The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
> and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
> sake,
> Johnnie, come in or stay out!''
>
>
> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
> son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a
> tremor in his voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't dear,' she said.
> 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 'The big
> sissy.'
>
>
> It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
> wearing a particularly pretty dress and,as she sat down, the pastor leaned
> over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
> 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a bit ch to iron.'
>
>
> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
> into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
> She said,'Mommy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember
> Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy ..'
> 'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your butt?'
>
>
> A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, 'Two plus
> five, that son of a bit ch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bit ch is
> nine....'His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you
> doing?'The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mom.''And
this
>
> is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.'Yes,' he
> answered.Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are
> you teaching my son in math?'
> The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
> The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
> of a bit ch is four?'
> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them was,
> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
> ________________________________________________
>
> One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
> her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to
> warn the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the
> farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'
> The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
> farmer said?' One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
> 'Holy sh it! A talking chicken!''
> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
