WHY WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN...............
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a
cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat
was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in
its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently. You did WHAT? ! ?' The teacher
exclaimed in surprise.
'You know, 'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went
'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty.
Can you bring drink of water?' 'No, You had your
chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later:
'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have
a drink of water??' I told you NO! If you ask again,
I'll have to spank you!!' Five minutes
later...'Daaaa-aaaad....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in
to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you
expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over
and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For
Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to
turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The
mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't
dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A
long silence was broken at last by his shaky little
voice:'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning
service, for the children's sermon. All the children
were invited to come forward. One little girl was
wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very
pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little
girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to
iron.'
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
my three year old came into the room when I was just
getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
'Mommy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I
know,' she replied, but what's growing in your butt?'
7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine....' His
mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are
you Doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my
math homework, Mom.' 'And this is how your teacher
taught you to do it?' the mother asked. 'Yes,' he
answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The
teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning
addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is
four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she
answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE
SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the
part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn
the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the
sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the
class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One
little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he
said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'' The teacher
was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
reply, 'I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother
told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School,
and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm
not.'
10 . A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go
outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied,
'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments
and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play
with him?'
=====
GOD STILL LOVES YOU
SO DO I.
cat, but it was dead. 'How do you know that the cat
was dead?' she asked her pupil. 'Because I pissed in
its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
innocently. You did WHAT? ! ?' The teacher
exclaimed in surprise.
'You know, 'explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went
'Pssst!' and it didn't move.'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
minutes later.....'Da-ad....' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty.
Can you bring drink of water?' 'No, You had your
chance. Lights out.' Five minutes later:
'Da-aaaad.....' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have
a drink of water??' I told you NO! If you ask again,
I'll have to spank you!!' Five minutes
later...'Daaaa-aaaad....' 'WHAT!' 'When you come in
to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you
expect to get into Heaven?' The boy thought it over
and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For
Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a
mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to
turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
voice, 'Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?' The
mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 'I can't
dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.' A
long silence was broken at last by his shaky little
voice:'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning
service, for the children's sermon. All the children
were invited to come forward. One little girl was
wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, 'That is a very
pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?' The little
girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to
iron.'
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child,
my three year old came into the room when I was just
getting ready to get into the shower. She said,
'Mommy, you are getting fat!' I replied, 'Yes, honey,
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.' 'I
know,' she replied, but what's growing in your butt?'
7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to
himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine....' His
mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are
you Doing?' The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my
math homework, Mom.' 'And this is how your teacher
taught you to do it?' the mother asked. 'Yes,' he
answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day, 'What are you teaching my son in math?' The
teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning
addition.' The mother asked, 'And are you teaching
them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is
four?' After the teacher stopped laughing, she
answered, 'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE
SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the
story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the
part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn
the farmer. She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the
sky is falling!' The teacher paused then asked the
class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?' One
little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he
said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'' The teacher
was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
reply, 'I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.' Her mother
told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.' The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School,
and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm
not.'
10 . A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go
outside and play with the boys?' Her mother replied,
'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments
and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play
with him?'
=====
GOD STILL LOVES YOU
SO DO I.
