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Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

LilinBobby Posted:

Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

OH MY GOD!!!! Sooooooo, it has always been FH's dream to be a cop and of course when he was 21 he got into the NYPD and then at the last minute when they told him to tuck in his shirt ad take out his earring he said FU and walked out. (what a butthead!)

Soooo, now he took the test again 2 years ago and guess what?? He received a letter yesterday saying that the process will begin to get him into the July 2012 class!

Ummmmm....on a base pay of $41,000 I KNOW we cannot pull off this wedding. I didn't say that of course but he freaked out. I told him that if he really wants to do it then to do it because I don't want any regrets later. I told him we could have a smaller wedding and he just looked at me like I was crazy but I really meant it. Then he says how its more than half his salary how will he pay bills! I told him we will struggle but for a few years we can do it ya know?

I told him to call the recruitment office and to be honest with them and ask questions. I told him to ask if he could take the test again and maybe he will be called in again in a year and a half or two years. I know its the NYPD and they probably dont care we are planning a wedding but the recruiters are cool I am sure and asking question never hurt anyone. Its a weird situation and if he's under 35 he can take the test again I think. I dunno...it's not freakin me out as much as it is him. I feel bad that because of a one day party (the wedding) he would give up his dream and thats so not cool to me. One day wedding and you give up the option to retire when your 45? Know what I mean? Pension, great insurance..I dunno this is what he always talks about and I feel like if he didn't have this wedding on his mind he would just do it.

Sorry just wanted you ladies thoughts on this situation because we don't want to tell family until anything is decided or not decided...thanks!
torresm Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Holy Moly! That is a lot to take in within a short period of time. Good luck on your decision making, I have my fingers crossed for you and bobby
2013Bride Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Wow, well first off, it's awesome how supportive you are being! And I completely agree about not wanting any regrets later on in life.... good luck with whatever you both choose to do!
fintababyetc Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Your wedding is about STARTING your lives together...it shouldn't be a be-all-end-all unto itself. I think you're looking at it exactly the right way - it's just one day, but this has always been his life’s dream.

He lost the opportunity once, and now he’s lucky enough to have a second chance - if this is what he truly wants, it is absolutely worth sacrificing for. Don’t plan on there being a third chance…

You can still have a lovely wedding, even if it is scaled-down from your original ideas.

He’s a lucky guy to have a future wife who supports him and is thinking about what is best for him and your future together. Best of luck and congratulations!

LilinBobby Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Thank you all...I found out they do offer defferment sort of so I told him to call and speak to someone there about this. Hopefully it all works out. I am not Jewish but Oy Vey!!

teacherteacher Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

You're being great about everything. I hope whoever he gets in touch with can ease some of your stress, I feel like there has to be a way to defer in case of different scenarios but idk anything about the NYPD - good luck, I'm so impressed by how calm you seem!

mattandjess2013 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

I can appreciate this. My father was on the NYPD for 20 years. They make a horrible salary (especially compared to Nassau/Suffolk cops). But if you feel any better, his base salary is still more than my salary (Come on, I'm trying to get you to laugh - HUMOR ME!) Everything will work out, and he has to realize how lucky his is - not only to get a second chance at his dream job, but to have a wonderful partner who supports him!

Good luck!
Karrie D Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Is maybe postponing your wedding until 2014 an option? Just so you two have the extra year to pay for eveyrthing. Or maybe have a small intimate wedding in 2013 and then have a big one for your 5 year anniversary. That's what we did. We had a small wedding on 12/8/07 and we are having our BIG wedding this year on 12/8/12.

I personally think he was fortunate enough to get a second opportunity to become a NYPD that he should definitley not pass it up bc there may not be a third.

You are being so supportive to him and that in itself is so great. I am sure together you and your FH will figure things out.

Best of luck to you both!!
SMDC2012 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Just keep in mind that they haven't taken in a new class in awhile and recent ones have been very very small as compared to prior classes. He may not want to defer because who knows when the next class will be.

Decbride2010 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

My personal opinion is that you should NO go into debt for a wedding.

Period.

Too many women have this idea of what their wedding MUST be like, and they will spare no expense EVEN if they dont have the money.

Its NOT worth going into debt for.

its NOT worth giving up a great job for FH.

Its one day. Yes, it can be special, and amazing. But it CAN be done on a budget, and it CAN be done even if he takes his dream job.

Dont let him give up this opportunity for ONE day.
halfbaked Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Posted by Decbride2010

Dont let him give up this opportunity for ONE day.


This exactly. You can even push back the wedding if you really feel it's necessary.
Bride2012 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Wow, go Bobby! Sometimes we have to take a step back to get several steps forward. The girls here have great ideas. Maybe postponed your wedding a year that will give you time to save some more or have a small wedding and on your 5 year anniversary have the big one. I think how you are being supportable is admirable. Just communicate your feelings about all your options and together I am sure you guys will work out. This is a great opportunity and blessing for you and your fh. Its not always about money and how much money someone makes. Its really about doing what you love to do. Because if you love what you do you won't have to work a day in your life. Corny I know. But true! Good Luck!!!

LilinBobby Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Oh it's not me...for all I care I can get married at town hall. Do I love the planning yes! But originally I wanted a destinationw edding that was really tiny! He has this grandiose idea and for what? To impress who? Its not even the wedding I think hes worried about. The first few years he would be taking like a $50,000 pay cut..I'm not even joking so you know I understand where hes coming from. BUT the job he is at now has no pension and white it has bonuses and benefits its not like the NYPD. Its like so far opposite from his nerdy computer job. LOL It's definately all up to him and he knows I will support him no matter what. I feel bad for him you know because he keeps thinking about strggling with the bills and stuff and I tell him it's only 5 years and he says we aren't 20 anymore! True...but I just dont want those thoughts of regret in his head you know? Tonight should make for an interesting dinner convo. LOL Thanks girls!! xoxoxoxo

mara1017 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Like I said on the 2013 board. THe NYPD cancels classes all the time. If it is his dream he should not defer because you never know when they will have another class.

Moonmist09 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

I don't think that your FH is only worried about the wedding alone.

If he is making upwards of $80K a year, and he has beenmaking that much for quite some time now, taking a $50K paycut is a huge adjustment. It could be that he is used to making what he does (who wouldn't be)and will find it hard if not impossible to live day to day with whatever expenses he has to pay every month with the much smaller salary.

I know you could make it work between the both of you and if he really wants the job, he will take it, especially with you being so supportive, but this dream of his could have been more of a dream he had when he was young and did not have to think about the financial side of being a responsible adult financially. It could be that he realizes that although this is a career he might have liked to pursue, he realizes that it does not pay enough to survive on. We all know he will obviously make more in the long run, but the first few years are rough.

Good Luck to you both!
SMDC2012 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Fh heard most of the incoming classes are filled with professionals that are having a hard time finding work even with masters degrees so your Fh won't be alone. There is overtime with arrests and there are things called paid details which is more overtime but not through the dept, not sure how long you have to be on the job before you can start doing them though, so there is opportunity for more $ but you can't bank on it. Good luck!

Bride2Be78 Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

I say do not defer the class. The opportunity may not present itself again. Can you push the wedding out or have something more intimate?

Soon2BMIL Posted:

Re: Will my wedding be cancelled? (reposted from 2013 board)

Wow, you are really supportive!

Yes, he does have a second chance at a great opportunity. He may not get a third - especially the way the City is financially. Yes, you do want to get married and have a lovely wedding, but this is his livelyhood. He will have the opportunity to work overtime and make money so his pay will be higher.

I think you should postpone the wedding a little while longer - it is easy for me to say because it is not my wedding, but this is a job AND BOTH your futures you are talking about. Good luck!

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