I am worried about inviting a few of my friends to my wedding. It has just come to my attention that some of my friends have a bad drug habit. Now I don’t mind what people do behind closed doors or in their house that’s their business but a close friend of mine told me that she invited our same friends to her wedding and they were doing drugs in the bathroom and almost ruined her wedding.
I am so bummed. I haven’t invited them to the wedding yet but I tell them all about the planning. I am not sure what to do. I am afraid it will be tacky if I don’t invite them but if I do I am afraid it will cause problems at the wedding. I have enough drama to deal with, with just my family I don’t want or need anymore.
Any words of advice would be appreciated.
Thank you
Marly
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Re: Worried about my guests
You can always read them the Riot Act.....If you Invite them to your wedding.
kris01
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Re: Worried about my guests
Posted by Marly
You can always read them the Riot Act.....If you Invite them to your wedding.
I agree......invite them if you want them to be part of your day BUT explain to them that you do not want them doing drugs in the bathroom etc....
MJDoc12
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Re: Worried about my guests
thats a tough situation....but if you already know that they did this at another person's wedding...i wouldn't invite them.
putting my business out there--but once upon a time i was into that life style. and when i was doing it...i saw nothing wrong with my behavior at all...neither did my 'friends'. i probably would've been one of those who snuck to the bathroom to 'party'. you can try and talk to them...but trust me...it most likely won't mean anything, cause they won't see anything wrong with their problem...cause they are 'just having fun'. most likely they will deny the behavior or just laugh it off.
better to be safe than sorry...don't invite them.
poogie
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Re: Worried about my guests
see i have learned and tried very hard to keep my mouth shut about my wedding planning. but the excitement gets the best of me and i just keep talking.....then those people that I am just talking to in random automatically think they are invited.
I would talk to them and let them know that there will be no Nose Duty or Vein Duty on my day...and let them know that if it is even suspected that they did it before the wedding....they will be asked to leave. Sounds mean but if you do invite them and dont have this little pep talk....you will worry yourself the entire day.
I would do this with my friends...call it the pre wedding intervention convo
sugarkube4
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Re: Worried about my guests
A wedding is a party where everyone likes to have a good time and party.. This might be an excuse for them to get all banged up on YOUR special day.. if you know their antics, I would maybe not invite them.. Just let them know you are over your limit on your guests.. that's all
cherilicious16
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Re: Worried about my guests
I know how you feel...i have a bit of this going on as well and will be chkg to see what advice you get....thanks for sharing and i hope your wedding is amazing no matter what!
diva7531
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Re: Worried about my guests
Posted by MJDoc12
thats a tough situation....but if you already know that they did this at another person's wedding...i wouldn't invite them.
putting my business out there--but once upon a time i was into that life style. and when i was doing it...i saw nothing wrong with my behavior at all...neither did my 'friends'. i probably would've been one of those who snuck to the bathroom to 'party'. you can try and talk to them...but trust me...it most likely won't mean anything, cause they won't see anything wrong with their problem...cause they are 'just having fun'. most likely they will deny the behavior or just laugh it off.
better to be safe than sorry...don't invite them.
I agree with Melissa, the friend that I am uninviting has a bad habit and probably won't be able to control herself (even w/ her daughter there) and I don't want the hassle. People who do that stuff don't think they have a proble or there is anything wrong with it. Just tell them your over your limit.
PeterNina Mom
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Re: Worried about my guests
Posted by diva7531
Posted by MJDoc12
thats a tough situation....but if you already know that they did this at another person's wedding...i wouldn't invite them.
putting my business out there--but once upon a time i was into that life style. and when i was doing it...i saw nothing wrong with my behavior at all...neither did my 'friends'. i probably would've been one of those who snuck to the bathroom to 'party'. you can try and talk to them...but trust me...it most likely won't mean anything, cause they won't see anything wrong with their problem...cause they are 'just having fun'. most likely they will deny the behavior or just laugh it off.
better to be safe than sorry...don't invite them.
I agree with Melissa, the friend that I am uninviting has a bad habit and probably won't be able to control herself (even w/ her daughter there) and I don't want the hassle. People who do that stuff don't think they have a proble or there is anything wrong with it. Just tell them your over your limit.
I agree too! You do not want that happening at your wedding. What if someone catches them in the rest room doing that and tells the management of the catering hall. Do you want that embarrassment and maybe police action. Don't invite them.
Licee15
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Re: Worried about my guests
For that reason, I am actually not inviting some of my friends. Do I feel bad yes, because I was pretty close with them in college but i came to a realization that they have no respect anyway....
FH is a Cop they were doing it right in front of his face....Not right (There is going to be over 25 NYPD there).
So we both made the decision together to not have them at our wedding.
It's gonna hurt and make people feel bad but- sometimes you have to do what is right for you and your FH....It's your day, (I just refuse to let anyone ruin it)
I hope that helps- I may sound harsh- but i just have issues surrounding these peoples drug problems- that i don't really want to address on here.
lilangel
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Re: Worried about my guests
Thank you everyone. It’s really a touchy situation for me. One of those “They are great people but ...” I think I am going to have to tell them that I am over my limit, as much as it hurts me because I am an honest person.
I really don’t want my family to catch them and assume that if these are my friends and they do this, then I must do it as well. Trust me that my mother is far worse than any police officer or judge combined
Thank you everyone for your advice I know it is a touchy subject but I just needed an outside opinion.
Pencils
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Re: Worried about my guests
My advice? Don't invite them. This is your special day, that is costing you a lot of money, besides, and you don't need the stress. What if the bathroom attendant sees them and calls the cops? It could happen. You can't trust druggies to keep themselves clean for one day, and this is a party, so they're especially not likely to restrain themselves.
And, I say this as a recovering alcoholic (five years and counting!)--if you're a real friend to them, you won't put up with that behavior. Tell them that you're not inviting them because their drug use is unacceptable to you. If everyone let them know, they might think about stopping, especially if it's recreational use and not a real addiction. Tell them that you do want to continue the friendship, you really do, but only with a sober and clean friend. It's the acceptance of the behavior that allows it to happen, you shouldn't pretend you don't see it.
But I'm sorry you've been put in this position. Thank god I only have to worry about a few hard-drinking relatives.
gaccrrm
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Re: Worried about my guests
I am worried about the same thing. My FH's friends and even FSIL have drug issues. I really don't want them to be there because I am afraid of their behavior. My FH used to have this problem and he went and got help to overcome his drug issues and I really don't want that at my wedding. I told FH that I want to put on their invites only DRUG FREE PARTY!!!! I know that it is tacky though and probably can't get away with. I totally feel for you. It is not going to be an easy decision. Good Luck!
StarryEyedBride
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Re: Worried about my guests
if you feel comfortable enough to talk to them about this, then do it. It's not cool to have to deal with that stress and possibly get in trouble with your hall.... or have other guests/family see that happening in the bathroom.
If you dont want to say anything, then tell them you have too much family coming and are cutting back on friends. You really don't need to worry about that during your wedding.
I would try to talk to them though, they are your friends.
BlushingBride714
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Re: Worried about my guests
Posted by MJDoc12
thats a tough situation....but if you already know that they did this at another person's wedding...i wouldn't invite them.
putting my business out there--but once upon a time i was into that life style. and when i was doing it...i saw nothing wrong with my behavior at all...neither did my 'friends'. i probably would've been one of those who snuck to the bathroom to 'party'. you can try and talk to them...but trust me...it most likely won't mean anything, cause they won't see anything wrong with their problem...cause they are 'just having fun'. most likely they will deny the behavior or just laugh it off.
better to be safe than sorry...don't invite them.
I agree ESPECIALLY if they have already displayed this behavior at another wedding. Clearly they don't think there is anything wrong with what they are doing and a 'stern talking to' really isn't going to do anything. I wouldn't invite them and risk them ruining your wedding.
JohnNicole
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Re: Worried about my guests
I personally don't think you should even bother explaining that the drug problem is the reason. As knowing people who do and who have done these type of activities they will lie to you saying that the are not going to do and will or they will lie and say they don't do it anymore. The only way they will stop is when they are ready...GL
rkl1130
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Re: Worried about my guests
I am finding myself in a similar type of situation. We found out that a friend of ours has gotten into drugs, and we actually sat down with him and explained to him that we would like him there but under no circumstances is he allowed to be there if he will be doing anything like that. We made it very clear that if he chooses to do this and continue, then we do not want him around us at all because that is not the kind of lifestyle we live and we are totally against it.
It's a tough situation, but you have to put your foot down. Chances are, your friend may not even be aware that you guys know and they don't feel that it will be a problem.
AeroJenn
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Re: Worried about my guests
My advice would be to not invite them. I know how hard that is, but I think we can all agree it will be even harder to deal with the possible consequences if you do invite them. And trust me when I say that reading them the riot act beforehand will do nothing. We have several friends who were into the same thing years ago and no matter how much you threatened or warned or begged, they found some way of sneaking off and getting themselves high...and it was always very noticeable and upsetting. The last place you want this to happen is your wedding with all your family there! It would be incredibly embarrassing and worse -- you dont want to spend your day worrying about what they're doing. Save yourself the stress and the trouble, and just dont invite them. Also, I dont think you need to explain your reasonning to them -- hopefully they'll get the hint.
