Would this bother you?

So I just found out that FILs gave money to their other two sons towards their weddings. They gave them around $10K for wedding expenses, plus a very generous gift. One wedding was in 2001 and one was last November.

The reason why I am annoyed is because we are paying for the whole thing by ourselves. My mom financially couldn’t help us out. His parents felt since my mom did not contribute anything, they shouldn’t have to either.

FI and I chose Milleridge because it was within our budget. And luckily I do love it, but initially I did want a smaller wedding in NYC. Since his family is gigantic, we had to pick a more affordable place that could accommodate 200 + people.

FI does not want to say anything to them, because he feels that it is not his place to tell his parents how to spend their money. Although he did say that he felt it was not fair that they gave money to his other brothers, but they aren’t giving money to us.

Am I wrong to feel irritated by this?

Me personally, it would bother me. I say this not to sound greedy or self-centered, but knowing how MY FHs family is. When we were first engaged, I knew we'd be paying for most if not all of this wedding. I asked FH if his parents would help at all, he said they'd do the same for us as they did his sister and his brother (who married in 2000 and 2004 respectively). To date...neither his mom or dad (who are divorced) has given us money. I am fine with it b/c I didn't expect anything.

My things is, if you do something for one, you do it for all. I would say, maybe they had the money then, but don't now, but you said one wedding was 5 years ago and the other was 3 months ago.

What I would do is either you and FH or FH alone sit down with his parents and see where they stand. Just explain the expense of the wedding and ask if they will be able to contribute as they did for the brothers.

Good luck!!!!

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Posted by roxyspark

So I just found out that FILs gave money to their other two sons towards their weddings. They gave them around $10K for wedding expenses, plus a very generous gift. One wedding was in 2001 and one was last November.

The reason why I am annoyed is because we are paying for the whole thing by ourselves. My mom financially couldn’t help us out. His parents felt since my mom did not contribute anything, they shouldn’t have to either.

FI and I chose Milleridge because it was within our budget. And luckily I do love it, but initially I did want a smaller wedding in NYC. Since his family is gigantic, we had to pick a more affordable place that could accommodate 200 + people.

FI does not want to say anything to them, because he feels that it is not his place to tell his parents how to spend their money. Although he did say that he felt it was not fair that they gave money to his other brothers, but they aren’t giving money to us.

Am I wrong to feel irritated by this?

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Your FH is right that he cannot tell them what to do with their money but it is strange that they gave the others kids money for weddings.

My dad says you have to treat all of your kids the same since they will resent you otherwise. My nephew turned 16 recently and my dad took him some money as a gift....and he gave the other 2 kids money too

You are not wrong to feel like your in-laws have slighted your FH. It's only fair that his parents give him money for the wedding since they helped out the other two kids

Yes, it would greatly bother me that they did for the other 2 boys and not your FH. Their generosity should not be determined by what your parents are offering. You can't really do much about it tho, people have their reasons for doing these things. Maybe you'll get a nice big check on the day of your wedding, who knows. But think about it this way, you're paying so it's whatever you want goes. You don't have anyone telling you what they want and holding $$ over your head.

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Posted by stephanielyse

It would totally bother me. Unfortunately, it's not really the sort of thing you can ask for. 'Hey, FMIL, you know how you gave your other sons $10K for their weddings? Well, um... Can we have $10K?' S.uck.s. So feel free to b!tch to us, that's what we're here for.

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Well said!

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Posted by jenheartsrob

I'd be annoyed, but it's one of those awkward situations where you can't ask for it.... but I hope it comes for you in an envelope at the end!

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yea, I agree... we'll keep our fingers crossed for that envelope!

I know there is nothing I can do about it and I don't want it to ruin my day at all. It doesn't seem fair, but nobody said life is fair.

Thanks for understanding.

If I were him I would say something, just put it simple that the other brothers received and you two may be in more a financial need being your parents couldn't help out....

I'd tell him to mention it to them, good luck!

It would bother me...FH has an older brother and his parents helped with the wedding but with ours its like we're not even getting married...his mom didn't even say congrats on the engagement! I ignore it and look at it this way: No money no say... FH and I are doing exactly what we want in regards to the vendors we are choosing because we are paying for it. My parents are paying for the reception and I did take their feedback on where to have the wedding, but with everything else its all what FH and I want.