I have been talking forever about big dinner in honor of my parents and FMIL meeting for the 1st time - a family introductory dinner. In fact FMIL been talking about this forever. At 1st she offered to pay for my shower - nothing happened, and the 3 of us decided to have a big family dinner instead for when my parents will get here. . Yesterday FH tells me he spoke to her and she says that she doesnt want to cook for 'so many ppl and MAYBE will do drinks instead or take them to a restaurant' - ugh what??? there will be 12 of us at the most (including her that is). Plus my family are Russians! Russians dont do some lame cocktail parties, they feel honored by being introduced to the person's home and home cooked meal. My dad esp hates restaurants (he is 'frugal') and feels that 'what a person cant cook??? why so lazy???' . FH told her that my family would be offended by either drinks or restaurant. And I dont know how they ended conversation.
As FH was telling me this all I could think is how fked up his family is: 1st lil FSIL's bf drama, now this, and FMIL didnt do anything for when we got engaged - we brought champagne and then my aunt had a big dinner for us to which FMIL came. All this crap that they have been pulling thru the last yr and half that I known FH. This all just makes me so fking mad!
This is pretty much the only time she and my parents will see each other, and she says this shyt???? She doesnt want to cook???? She has a house keeper! Plus obviously we would come and help if anything. I am beyond angry.... Mostly tho I am offended. Deeply.
She acts as if she has only one child - lil FSIL, and big FSIL and FH are some adopted ppl that want things from her.
2010BTB
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Might be a compromise - could it still be at their house but they cater in? Would still give the comfort of someone's homen without the real dirty work.
cateydee
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
aww reg im sorry ur going through this. i thinkk that maybe FMIL might be overwhelmed with the responsibility of cooking for the guests of honor-its like what if they dont like the food or they think that FMIL is a bad host. i dont know, im just playing devil's advocate. however thats not a reason to NOT host the dinner. if u and FH talk to her, maaybe she wil come around. GL
regy_k
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Posted by 2010BTB
Might be a compromise - could it still be at their house but they cater in? Would still give the comfort of someone's homen without the real dirty work.
I thought about suggesting that, but after this, making me feel like some poor relative knocking on her door I dont want to do the dinner anymore. I will figure out something on my own
regy_k
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Posted by cateydee
aww reg im sorry ur going through this. i thinkk that maybe FMIL might be overwhelmed with the responsibility of cooking for the guests of honor-its like what if they dont like the food or they think that FMIL is a bad host. i dont know, im just playing devil's advocate. however thats not a reason to NOT host the dinner. if u and FH talk to her, maaybe she wil come around. GL
oh its not that Catey - all of this is out of selfishness. she is one of the most selfish ppl in the world. she hates being inconvenienced, even if it is her son's wedding
2010BTB
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Posted by regy_k
Posted by 2010BTB
Might be a compromise - could it still be at their house but they cater in? Would still give the comfort of someone's homen without the real dirty work.
I thought about suggesting that, but after this, making me feel like some poor relative knocking on her door I dont want to do the dinner anymore. I will figure out something on my own
You're getting so close to your wedding and have so many other things on your mind. I really think catering is the way to go.
I feel bad for you - wish everything could just go the way it's supposed to. Hang in there!
krystalle
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
That is what I was thinking when I was reading....
To not stress you out, I would call her, tell her that you heard the conversation she and your FH had about the dinner/cocktails and say that you really want something intimate then being in a restaurant. If it is too much trouble for her to cook a few dishes, then you will bring in a couple of trays of food.
Don't stress yourself before the wedding...just put on a happy face, get thru this, and then after the wedding you could release the fury.
Is it possible the dinner could be at your house and you host it? I know that is not what you wanted but is it worth going thru the aggravation?
My new thing is...if someone is going to throw what they did for me in my face, I will just do it myself and don't do me any favors.
Sorry you have to go thru this...
NewYorker09
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Is it possible his mom doesn't cook well and knows it? Maybe she's embarrassed to cook for them? It sounds like he has, but I'd make sure FH is telling his mom about the cultural issues of going out to eat being offensive (I don't think anyone here would realize taking someone out to dinner is offensive-I know I wouldn't!). If she understands the above and doesn't have a good excuse then that's just very rude of her. Have you offered to help her cook? As above people have mentioned, maybe she could cater at least part of the meal to make it a little easier on her? I'm sorry you're dealing with this!
regy_k
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Re: would this offend u deeply?
Posted by krystalle
My new thing is...if someone is going to throw what they did for me in my face, I will just do it myself and don't do me any favors.
Sorry you have to go thru this...
this what I said to FH, that I dont need any favors from her and I will figure out something on my own. or there will be no introductory meal and thats that as clearly she has no interest in us my apt is tinyyyyyyyy, her house is hugeeeeeeeeeeee! that was the only reason why I wanted to do it over there
ugh just thinking about all of this makes me want to punch something
