My cousin's wedding date was exactly one month before mine, and her shower was 4 weeks before mine also. For her shower (which came 1st) I bought her $75 worth of stuff from her registry. Then for my shower, she bought me $25 worth of stuff.
Then for her wedding gift, FH & I gave her $250 cash. That night when she took the envelope she said she'd bought me a present instead of giving $ and it just came today: a $90 plate from Tiffany's I didn't register for. That means (and yes I'm sure this is their total gift to me) they're spending $45pp on me and FH, when he and I spent $125pp on them.
Our weddings were similar in size and cost. Am I wrong to be offended? Neither FH or I work right now, we're both students and yet we saved so we could give them a nice gift. Am I over-reacting?
gaccrrm
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Re: Would you be offended?
I think my initial reaction I would be offended. Overtime I know I would feel that it is not about the money. I completely understand why you feel that way though
Honestly, I know that everyone says it's not about the amount of the gift and it's the sentiment (and them being there to celebrate with you) that matters, BUT, I would be seriously annoyed. I am going through a similar situation right now, so believe me, I completely understand how you feel. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it, and being upset isn't going to do you any good. I know it's easier said than done, but just forget about their cheap a$$es, and concentrate on your upcoming wedding - which is going to be amazing!
PeteysBride
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Re: Would you be offended?
Not to defend her compleyetly but... Was it kind iof tacky? Lil' bit, yes. But her weding was before yours and that emans they might not have had much extra dough. Maybe they made it all back in gidts. Maybe they didn't. You didnt give those detilas so I can only go on the timeline. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt unless she does tacky stuff like this all the time. In that acse, she is just a tackster.
Glamorousbride
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Re: Would you be offended?
I don't think I'd be offended I would be annoyed though. At the same time though I know how hard it is to come up with money for an envelope--I cannot compete with my sister in law and I always feel that people will think less of me because I don't give as much as she does--
you gave what you gave out of your heart- you're a good person fopr doing it, so just let it go- you knew she was like that because she gave you a smaller shower gift than you gave her- you gave the amount you gave for a reason- you knew her character-- just feel proud and hold your head up high.
You're not wrong for feeling how you do- any of us would- just don't dwell on it and let it get to you because in the end it just isn't worth it.
Sept07Bride
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Re: Would you be offended?
I think I would be at first too, but then I would probably not let it bother me. I definately think I would be upset at first! Ever since I started planning my own wedding and I have seen how much everything costs, I make SURE that I am more than covering our costs...
thelastresort
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Re: Would you be offended?
That would definitely annoy me. It's not about the gift, it's the sentiment, blah blah blah but, IMO, it should be somewhat comparable. Especially since it is so close in time. I would feel the same way you do.
drpepper318
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Re: Would you be offended?
I'd definitely be annoyed about that too. They should have matched what you gave them. That would be the nice thing to do.
Things like that don't really bother me. I just shrug and then- whatever. Life is too short.....Now if it was your FMIL that would be a whole different story
medic6809
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Re: Would you be offended?
Here's an example...My grandmother and great aunt both got me the same shower gift. I was hurt I mean she's my grandmother and she's my Great aunt for god's sake. I talked to my mom and it is because my grandmother is giving a lrg amount of cash as a present, and my aunt is suprising us by flying home for our laua in October! The point...........some people see things diffrent. Maybe there are personal issues happening right now that you don't know of? Se above about the aunt thing...Or maybe they thought they were being fair with what they could afford. Either way if you invite people and say so and so is 50a head so we should expect at least $200 total from them as a gift than you have kinda lost sight of why you are having a large expensive wedding. I know i'm from mi and prices are different, but still I kinda think it's tacky to think of my guests as walking around w/price tags on the and then comparing the gift. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh I don't mean it to
nifheim
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Re: Would you be offended?
this is why me and my cousin are doing no gifts/presents because our weddings i like four months apart. I feel whatever they will give to me i would give back to them. I think that is pretty common.. or so i thought.
i would of been annoyed a bit but then maybe they are not in a financial situation that they could afford the same thing. Then again if you gave before them.. they could of just kept your check cashed it and wrote the same amount again like it never existed.
rojerono
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Re: Would you be offended?
I can totally see why you might be hurt... but if you are asking how I would react... I wouldn't be insulted.
I have a rule - I only give what I can afford to give. Sometimes it is more and sometimes it is less. I do not ever give a gift with the expectation that I am going to get something in return - that's where you start to get in trouble. The whole 'She gave x so we have to give y' takes the genuineness out of the gift giving.
Don't let it get to you - I am sure you will be more than surprised by a lot of the gifts given to you. Some will give more than you ever would believe they would - and others will leave you kind of scratching your head.
Drv0716
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Re: Would you be offended?
I think I would have been slightly offended initially. However, it really is the thought that counts. Maybe she just didn't have as much money to spend as you did.
Pencils
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Re: Would you be offended?
I'd be annoyed, but not offended. You don't know exactly how much money they had--I know quite well that the last weeks before the wedding are REALLY expensive. She might just have not been able to afford more. Or, as someone else said, maybe she's just like that. Some people are cheap. I have one relative like that, although funnily enough she's one of my wealthier relatives. She gives lousy presents. What can you do? Concentrate on your own wedding, forget about her.
diva7531
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Re: Would you be offended?
I would be! I have the exact same situation coming up, my cousins wedding is exactly 4 weeks before mine. And her shower is before mine as well. This always makes for an odd situation. What will she get you? What should you spend on her? FH and I were talking and we thought whatever we put in the envelope for them, they would just put back in for us. At least I hoped, until I read your post. My cousin has a very black and white view of gifts for a wedding, always cash and always enought to cover your plate, your guests plate and a gift. No if's and or butts! I would wait till, you see her at the wedding and see if she gives you an envelope. She could always put $ in an envelope, when she sees what you gave and knows howmuch her gift was. Maybe she will come thru, no reason to feel this way until the wedding.
bettybcafe
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Re: Would you be offended?
I would def. be offended...I know a lot of people say that its the thought that counts but in this case I would have to disagree. Obviously you spent the money of her shower and wedding gift before she brought urs..so she knew how much you were spending on her...so, I think its kinda rude for her to only spend 25 bucks on a shower gift and 90 on a wedding present when she clearly saw that you spent more for her wedding... I know alot of people would find what Im saying rude but I think in this case you have all the right to be annoyed and offended...
Cpt2007
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Re: Would you be offended?
I would be more offended about the gift than I would be about the money. for all you know, it was a gift that they were given and didn't want.
arg. so sorry!!
znycgirl
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Re: Would you be offended?
She KNOWS better. I think I used to under-gift a little: because I didn't know better: but she SHOULD. Now my wedding gifts have gone UP considerably.
It's not about the gift. But some people are just cheap (you know...the type that you go to a restaurant to & they always stiff you on the bill). Those people exist & we all know a bunch & we try not to be those people....but if they mean enough to us, we stay friends with them.
SusiBtoM
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Re: Would you be offended?
It is annoying, but to each their own. You did what you felt was right by the amount you spent on each gift. Some people are just cheap while others are generous.
JennJay
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Re: Would you be offended?
I guess it is something you shouldn't take personally, but definately remember for the future. Wow, they definatley should have given at least what you gave them!!!! I am sorry.
