Would you be upset if FI was fraternizing with the enemy?

Ok, so I'm exaggerating a bit , but FI is out tonight with someone who has been very rude and hurtful to me over the course of the past year or so. So much so that I finally said I didn't want to be around this person (which is why I am home and he is out). This person is a special person in his life, so I don't feel like I can say anything about him seeing her, but part of me feels kind of POed because I feel like he shouldn't want to be around someone who has been like this to me (in front of him no less - it's not even second hand). Am I being ridiculous, or would you feel the same way? Like I said, can't say anything, but just would like to know if I'm ridiculous or not...

i think it depends on who the person is. if it is his sister, for example, as upset as you may feel, it IS his sister and you really dont want to come between them. if it is just a friend, well then i feel you have more of a reason to be upset with him. whatever the case, im sorry the whole situation exists in the first place

I am pretty against telling people who they can be around, however, in this situation it should not even need to be said. If he knows that this person hurts you then that should be enough.



ETA: I agree though, if it is a sister or other relative, then something would need to be worked out so that everyone can get along.

It is a relative - not his sister though. I don't believe in telling him who he can and can't be around either, but I just feel hurt that he would still want to be around her after everything - he has been in huge fights with her over the way she has treated me, but still nothing! I'm just sitting here feeling angry with him because he's there. When he told me he was going to go out with her tonight I was stupified! (That was just at dinner tonight)

I understand, I wasn't saying you were telling him, I was just saying how I am .....

I had a similar situation, and unfortunately it still rears its ugly head every now & again: also his family member. It is really hard to remain diplomatic about these things, especially when your feelings are hurt. Maybe it will take a few conversations between him & her before things will be worked out, and maybe that is what he is trying to accomplish.

Of course, you can always come to LIW & vent!

ETA: you're so not ridiculous

this happened to me too- but not w/ a relative. with onr of fi's college friends. he was always rude/obnoxious to me and tried to create problems between fi and i when we were dating. FI didn't automatically drop him as a friend of course, esp since they had a group of mutual friends. Now FI doesn't talk to him that often so I don't have to deal with him. But he did make quite a scene at our engagement party. I really don't want him at the wedding but I don't think we cannot invite him.

it's harder in your situation as she's a relative. i hope he is talking to her about how she treats you so she will at least be civil to you from now on. there unfortunately doesn't seem to be much you can do besides talking to fi about your feelings.