Would you ever tell your child to hit another child??

Would you ever tell your child to hit another child if they said the other child hit them?? And lets say the child is 3 years old. Would you tell your three year old to hit another child, like seriously instill in their head that if another child layed a hand on them, they should hit them back immediately??



The reason I ask this is I have a child in my class whose mother came into my room the other day, and in front of all my other children, she proceeds to tell her 3 year old daughter to fight back and hit whoever is hitting her. Loud and clear for everyone to hear. I immediately said please do not tell children to hit in my class. We are trying to teach them to be nice to their friends and not hit. She then proceeds to say, well me and my husband don't want her to be getting hit and just taking it, so we tell her to hit back. I said not in my classroom. What you do at home is your business, not to be brought into my classroom. She then storms out and tried to find someone in the school to justify her hitting theory too and no one would agree with her. She actually got yelled at by the owner. Anyway, The little girl that she says keeps hitting her daughter, is really not and never has, her daughter is just saying it because of an incident months ago.

I just don't understand how a parent could tell their child to hurt another child. With all the problems in society today, it is at a young age of three where parents should be instilling positive behavior to hopefully deter the child from being 'bad' when they get older. I fear for this child, because teaching them violence of any sort at such a young age seems like it is only going to lead them down a violent path as they get older. Look at all the violence in schools today, In my opinion, parents should be trying to raise their children with respect, rather than violence, especially at age three!!

Sorry I went off on a tangent. This happened the other day and is just really really bothering me that a parent could teach hate to a three year old!!!

ETA- this child nor her mother ever came to me or the other teacher to say she was supposedly getting hit. NEVER. And if she was getting hit every day, like the mother said, we would have seen it. Her daughter really does have problems, very poor family life, and I think that is the root of her problems. But I really fear for her future. The home life is not great and the things they are teaching her are horrible!!

This woman is insane. I can see aying it to a 12 year old who is getting beat up or something MAYBE, but never a 3 year old, and she had NO right to say that in front of your whole class..

What a great role model - NOT!!!

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Posted by brideinapril

I think that mother has a few screws loose, I would never tell my child to hit back, thats ridiculous. They are 3 years old - Babies!

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exactly babies.. My daughter is 4 and there is this one little boy who likes to hit her. So one day she got mad and pinched his cheeks.. she said. Hitting not nice. I guess it was her way of saying..I cant hit him but I can sure pinch the crap out of him

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Posted by dm24angel

Never to a 3 year old. Maybe an older child. I know my friends daughter who is 7 was getting hit by a boy on the bus , and she was bigger then the boy and my friend told her daughter to hit him back, I didnt see anything wrong with it, but I guess it would depend on the situation.

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I can see an older child doing it to defend themselves, but not a three year old. And the daughter is not even getting hit. The mother is saying she is getting hit every day. And the little girl happen to get hit by this other girl on a day that she was absent too!! I tried to tell this mother that at three they make stuff up. Seriously, they do not remember what they did at 9 in the morning, by 3 in the afternoon!! The daughter has emotional problems!! Oh and get this, this mother is in college getting a degree to become a teacher!! I have to remeber to ask her to let me know where she teaches so i know not to send my children there!!

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Posted by myasmom

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Posted by brideinapril

I think that mother has a few screws loose, I would never tell my child to hit back, thats ridiculous. They are 3 years old - Babies!

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exactly babies.. My daughter is 4 and there is this one little boy who likes to hit her. So one day she got mad and pinched his cheeks.. she said. Hitting not nice. I guess it was her way of saying..I cant hit him but I can sure pinch the crap out of him

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that made me laugh - that is cute, see even a 4 year old CAN know hitting is wrong!
My sons he's 5 - but when he was around 2 my girlfriend used to watch him, she had a son that was 3 1/2 - well he pinched my son so hard on the arm that he got a black and blue, he was alright - but his mother pinched him back, which I thought was wrong also.

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Posted by brideinapril

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Posted by myasmom

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Posted by brideinapril

I think that mother has a few screws loose, I would never tell my child to hit back, thats ridiculous. They are 3 years old - Babies!

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exactly babies.. My daughter is 4 and there is this one little boy who likes to hit her. So one day she got mad and pinched his cheeks.. she said. Hitting not nice. I guess it was her way of saying..I cant hit him but I can sure pinch the crap out of him

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that made me laugh - that is cute, see even a 4 year old CAN know hitting is wrong!
My sons he's 5 - but when he was around 2 my girlfriend used to watch him, she had a son that was 3 1/2 - well he pinched my son so hard on the arm that he got a black and blue, he was alright - but his mother pinched him back, which I thought was wrong also.

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Yeah I think that is wrong also. They mimic us and that sends the wrong message to them. You are telling them No but yet you are doing the same thing to them..has to be confusing..

I would never! But I too, have (had) parents in my class that would tell me, 'Oh, I just told him/her to hit them back. I too, tell them, not in my room! I'm not letting it happen.
Some people have some nerve!! uuugghh I get so angry at how parents behave!

no i would not...that is actually a very sad story
Yes i would tell a older child to defend him/herself. But not a 3 year old

I think it depends on the child and the situation- My parents told me to NEVER hit anyone and 'what you don't want done to you, don't do to anyone else' bit - Well, when I kept coming home from school w/ sratches and bruises, my father told me to start fighting back -
Telling your kid to make that their initial reaction is wrong, but letting them know they should defend themselves is a different story - I think this mother was a little overbearing, but I think her intention is good. -

I can feel you guys are going to kill me when I tell you this:

Let me give you the background so you can understand first. Last yr my older one of 5 then was constently coming home with bruises I would always tell him to tell the teacher and let her handle it. This was going on all last year where my son would complain of a specific kid kicking him in the groin or hitting him I sent notes and spoke with the teacher and guidance and even the AP. Got know were. Well, THIS year my son got pencil tip stuck in his wrist and said a specific kid did it. Well we had a sit down this year with the teacher and it was settled. SI should also say he was sent to the ER cause of a student. I brought him to the ER as soon as I came home form work that day.

Which brings me to my 4 yr old. He told me 'Michael' was hitting him. They were getting along great at the beginning of th eschool year and I loved seeing him play with a new friend. Well 'Michaels' mom kept letting it happen. I work so I never see this my nanny does and I told my 4 yr old if he hits you hit back. If any body hits you hit back. I was not going to go through what I did with my other one. The day after I told my son to hit him back. I saw his teacher when I dropped my older one off and told I her I told my son to hit back, so I do not want to hear that he started it. I went through school with one kid being intimidated by people and trying to do the right thing, that I am not letting another one, get intimidated. Just to stand up for himself. I also told him, after he hits someone to go right to the teacher so at least the teacher is made aware of it.

I know, that's a tough one. Kids shouldn't have to hit back, adults, should step in, but in the 3 year olds case, she obviouslyy didn't disucuss it with you first.

personally, I never needed to be told hit back, it was just a naturally reflex ( only apllied to my brother though)

My cousin is 12 & his mom told him never to throw the first punch, but she too, doesn't want him to be a victim. I told her that in school, he will still get in trouble most likely, even if he didn't start it. She seeemd to be ok with that--she just wanted her child safe.

Really, parents should just teach children to block. . .

My parents used to encourage me to hit my sister back when she hit me. I'd just take it like the good little girl I was. She was 2 years younger and was a brat. That was when we were like 3-7.

I guess its like biting a baby back the first time they bite you so they know what its like. But I wouldn't start a fight between non-siblings.

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Posted by myasmom

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Posted by brideinapril
My sons he's 5 - but when he was around 2 my girlfriend used to watch him, she had a son that was 3 1/2 - well he pinched my son so hard on the arm that he got a black and blue, he was alright - but his mother pinched him back, which I thought was wrong also.

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Yeah I think that is wrong also. They mimic us and that sends the wrong message to them. You are telling them No but yet you are doing the same thing to them..has to be confusing..

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I'm not sure I agree this is so wrong without seeing the context of it. If the child was constantly pinching other children and this was the first time the mother pinched him back, I think it was a good thing.

When one of my older brothers was 2 1/2, he went through a biting stage. Now, not just nipping, full-on biting everyone. My mother tried everything and he wouldn't stop. Finally, one day he bit my sister (who would have been about 5 at the time) so hard he drew blood. My mother grabbed his arm and bit him... hard. He never bit again.

Sometimes there is a need for it.

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Posted by eogara

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Posted by myasmom

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Posted by brideinapril
My sons he's 5 - but when he was around 2 my girlfriend used to watch him, she had a son that was 3 1/2 - well he pinched my son so hard on the arm that he got a black and blue, he was alright - but his mother pinched him back, which I thought was wrong also.

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Yeah I think that is wrong also. They mimic us and that sends the wrong message to them. You are telling them No but yet you are doing the same thing to them..has to be confusing..

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I'm not sure I agree this is so wrong without seeing the context of it. If the child was constantly pinching other children and this was the first time the mother pinched him back, I think it was a good thing.

When one of my older brothers was 2 1/2, he went through a biting stage. Now, not just nipping, full-on biting everyone. My mother tried everything and he wouldn't stop. Finally, one day he bit my sister (who would have been about 5 at the time) so hard he drew blood. My mother grabbed his arm and bit him... hard. He never bit again.

Sometimes there is a need for it.

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Yeah - this kid was a biter also - that was another incident - his mother of course bit him back - so now she pinches him, bites him whats next? Yes - she hits him too.
I had to get my son out of there - granted this girl is my friend - but - I don't agree with her tactics. My son is friends with her son still - mine is 6 and hers is 8 - I told her never to put her hands on my child and we won't have any problem. Obviously they are older now, so they communicate verbally, where as, then, I guess her son learned what he was taught - to communicate physically.