WWE Monday Night Raw Recap -- 4/25 Edition
411's WWE RAW REPORT - 04.25.05
We're here in Birmingham for a special UK edition of Monday Night Raw! Jonathan Coachman & Jerry 'The King' Lawler' are your hosts. Jim Ross still isn't quite in condition to call the show, so Coach gets the job. There's a hot crowd here. [Sign: Waylon Mercy is God] We also have a slightly-altered set, with a smaller video board, an elevated stage, and a Union Jack in the background..
Promised for Tonight:
- Batista vs Christian
But Batista is here already to start the show for the first time since winning the belt! He's wearing a suit and his belt over his shoulder. The enormous pyro is back. Batista gets a good pop and poses on the turnbuckles. The chants start before he even starts talking. Coach says there's one word for everyone who thinks Batista will be champ beyond this weekend: Pedigree. King, who's been a Batista supporter since he saved JR from HHH last week, thinks the mighty DAVEBOMB can offset that.
'Well, heheh!' He soaks in more applause. 'I'm in England. Hehehaha. Here I am in England, hehehe -- well I'm actually here tonight --' ['Batista!'] 'I'm here tonight to honor one man. A great man. A man whose accomplishments often go unrecognized. A man who puts his body and his mind on the line for his business. Hehe. A man who, in one night, accomplished what it took me two long years to do. And that is beat Triple H. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you the one, the only, good ol' JR!'
And here is Jim Ross in a suit and the massive hat. We get highlights of his beating at the hands of HHH, and subsequent victory with the help of Batista. Batista hugs JR and does
'Hear that? You deserve that. Congratulations. Now we all knew that you were one hell of an announcer, best in history, don't sell yourself short, you're the best. But what we didn't know, what you were hiding fom us, is that you've got skills! You've got wrestling skills, yes you do! JR, you beat a 10-time World Champion, HHH. Now I've been in the ring with HHH, and baby, I'll tell you, it takes guts to even get in the ring with that man. But you did it, you took a hell of a beating, you took it like a man. And I'm here - we're all here -- to show you the respect that you deserve. That's right.' [JR! JR! JR!]
It's all about the game. Now here's Triple H to let business pick up. 'ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH!' [Boo!] 'I have had it with this crap! You [censored] wanna cheer him?'
'Look what we got! HHH! What a surprise!' [*******!] 'What a surprise for you to come out here and break up the good time. We never would've expected that. Actually, I was wondering what took you so long.' ['Batista!'] 'You think this is funny, huh?' [Laughs.] 'You think this is a joke? Let me tell you something, Jack. At Backlash, you --'
'Whoa! Speaking of Backlash, since JR beat you last week...' [cheers] 'I think that makes JR -- that makes JR the #1 contender. So I'm thinking at Backlash, maybe it's Batista versus JR, not -- not Batista versus HHH. I don't even think you deserve a title shot.' ['You suck!']
'LET ME REMIND YOU WHO THE HELL I AM!'
'Whoa! No no no no! Let me remind you -- could you roll the footage, please?'
And we see JR pinning HHH for three again. Batista raises JR's hand in the ring.
'Like I was saying --' Batista interrupts him with laughter. 'I'm sorry. I hate to keep cutting you off, but I just can't help it. I gotta see that again. Could you please play that footage again?' So we see it again. HHH is getting progressively angrier. Batista raises the arm again. So HHH removes the jacket and starts walking to the ring. JR leaves the ring, HHH removes the tie, and Batista removes his jacket. HHH heads to the ring area. Off go the shirts, but HHH thinks better of it. More Batista chants. Coach says HHH is measuring up Batista for Backlash. This gets HHH the Goodbye Song from the Birmingham crowd. Batista smiles.
'Batista, at Backlash, your *** is mine.'
'I don't think so. I don't think so. At Backlash, THIS is MINE.' He holds up the belt, and play his music! Coach harps on the disrespect for HHH again. They jaw at each other as we head to break.
Tonight:
- An Interview with the Dream Team of Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan
Ad Break.
Jim Ross is back at the announce position. King welcomes him back.
We get highlights of Viscera saving Trish Stratus from Kane, then coming onto her.
Booked for Backlash:
- Kane (w/ Lita) vs King Viscera (w/ Trish Stratus)
Trish Stratus meets up with Viscera at the Brasshouse for their date. Vis is wearing a suit. Viscera went to the drugstore, which is why he is a bit late. Trish asks why he had to go there. He didn't go to the drugstore for medication, no -- he went there for a little protection. He pulls out several condoms to ensure the joke goes over nobody's head. Vis demands a table for two somewhere very romantic.
Match #1: Chris Jericho vs Sylvain Grenier (w/ Rob Conway)
['Y2J!'] Our hosts dicuss Fozzy's new song, 'Shelton Benjamin Is A Little *****': JR doesn't think it'll show up at karaoke bars anytime soon. Grenier beats on Jericho early, stomping a mudhole in the corner, getting a whip into the opposite corner and hitting a flapjack. He does Jericho's ARROGANT COVER~!, which is reversed to a schoolboy for two. Grenier gets a back suplex for two and heads to the chinlock. Jericho gets to his feet and elbows out, but Grenier knees him. He gets a whip, but Jericho gets a running schoolboy for two. The ring mics are really loud tonight. Jericho gets a clothesline and a shoulderblock. He gets a forearm to the head. In the corner, Jericho unloads the chops. Jericho gets a cross-corner whip and the running bulldog. He tries the Lionsault. Grenier dodges, but Jericho lands on his feet and hits the Y2J Stinger. However, Conway gets on the apron, distracting Referee Chad Patton. Jericho knocks him out with a springboard dropkick. Grenier walks into the Walls of Jericho in the middle of the ring and taps quickly.
Winner: Chris Jericho via submission (3:01)
Quick fun match. The heels double-team Jericho, so Shelton Benjamin runs out to make the save! He slugs it out with Conway, ducks a clothesline from Grenier and dumps him, then dumps Conway too. Jericho and Shelton are in the ring together. Jericho thanks Shelton for the save and accuses him of stealing the spotlight while giving sarcastic praise, so Shelton hits THAT'S MISTER EXPLODER and stands over Jericho. 'Who's the ***** now?' That gets a pretty negative reaction. Play Shelton's music. He leaves.
Ad Break.
At the Brasshouse, Viscera compliments Trish on her hair. Trish compliments Viscera on taking Kane out last week. Trish orders some bangers and mash in a British accent. Viscera calls himself a banger who loves to mash, which prompts Trish to ask for the sandwich instead. Viscera says eating gets him in the mood, so Trish calls him the horniest man on the planet. Viscera asks Trish if she wants any of the rolls, then digs in himself. The soirée continues...
Christian tells Tyson Tomko to stick to the plan tonight. Ric Flair tells them they have one job tonight: either as an individual or a collective, they must beat Batista to an inch of his life, at which point HHH will saunter out and hit the Pedigree. Christian tells Flair what HHH is going to do tonight: exactly nothing tonight, becasue tonight is Captain Charisma's night. POP! 'It's not my fault that HHH can't hit a Pedigree. And don't look at me that way in my dressing room.' He says that if HHH wants some competition, he should hope he gets drafted to Smackdown. 'Hey, maybe he can beat Michael Cole.' POP! Ohh SNAP! Flair is irate. Christian calms him to prevent any possible heart attacks, then tells Tomko to escort Mr Flair from his dressing room. Christian is so on fire right now.
Ad Break.
We get highlights of the ticket sales for Backlash in Manchester, NH, home of the Fisher Cats.
Christian & Tyson Tomko are here! Even JR has to acknowledge the pop and large pro-Christian sign contingent. Christian gets the stick.
'You know, historically, historically, Canadians like myself have been much, much smarter than you Brits.' [Boo!] 'So I'll talk verys lowly. Nice teeth, by the way. You see, last week, I told Vince McMahon that I deserved to be in the main event. And this week, I'm gonna prove it. You see, HHH seesm to be having a hard time lately hitting Batista with his Pedigree. But believe me, I won't have any problem beating Batista tonight with a real move, with my move, the Unprettier!' Pop. 'And next month, at the draft, whether I stay here on Raw and I beat Batista again, or whether I go to Smackdown and I beat that Ali G ripoff John Cena,' [mixed reaction!] 'one thing is for damn sure -- it's gonna be Captain Charisma carrying the torch, 'cause THAT'S HOW I ROLL!' Pop.
PYRO! Kane is here. Christian is a bit nervous, and discusses strategy with Tomko, telling him to run at Kane first. Kane walks to the ring with a purpose -- welcome back, JR -- and quickly lays out Tomko. Christian bails and runs through the crowd, and Kane beats on Tomko in the corner with rights. Kane hits the chokeslam quickly and lights the turnbuckles on fire as Christian gets backstage as fast as he can.
Backstage, Maria asks Lita about Kane's match with Viscera this Sunday, and notes that he seems focused after Vis blindsided him last week. Lita says it's not about last week, it's about Sunday at Backlash, when her husband Kane destroys Viscera, and Trish Stratus finally gets what she deserves.
Ad Break.
Backstage, Christian runs away and tells people to tell him if anyone sees Kane. He goes to the Evolution locker room and tells Ric Flair that he wants to apologize for telling him to go away earlier. He tells Flair that he wants to revisit the plan he suggested earlier. Flair says Kane's coming, which freaks Christian out and gets a good pop. 'Gotcha!' He tells Christian to wait outside for a sec, and retreats into his locker room. Christian is paranoid, looking around nervously for Kane.
Triple H heads out of the Evolution locker room quietly and stares Christian down. When Christian notices him, he does a double take. Have I ever mentioned that Christian rules? 'Michael Cole, huh?' Christian says it was a joke. HHH asks if he wants to do some business. He tells Christian to head in and talk about it. So he does.
Chris Masters is here. He makes his way to the ring. 'Last week, Madison Square Garden, I put $1,000 on the line to anybody who could break my Masterlock. And guess what? Nobody did. So, since nobody in the States couuld break it, let's see if one of you Brits can break it! That's right! 1,000 pounds, right here! Who's up for the challenge, huh? Who wants 1,000 pounds?' He considers a girl, and a guy with a neck so skinny that he'd break it, before settling on a worthy adversary. He tells him to come into the ring, notes that he seems to work out a bit, and asks who he is.
'Andy Baker.'
'Where you from, Andy Baker?'
'I'm from Birmingham, England.'
'Andy Baker, 1,000 pounds right here. All you gota do is break the Masterlock. You ready? Let's do it. Sit down. Sit down. This is how it goes. I'm gonna put the masterlock on, and the referee is gonna say go, and then feel free to try to break it. Got it? Get it? Good.'
He locks it in. Referee Jack Doan notices that he's out right away and calls for the bell. Masters wins! He gets his money back and leaves.
Ad Break.
Trust Company's 'Stronger' is the official theme of Backlash.
Jonathan Coachman says history will be made this weekend: Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari will defeat the dream team of Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan. He has an interview with the Heatbreak Kid himself, Shawn Michaels. He congratulates him on creating a team of two of the biggest egos in WWE, and says that everyone in the back has a pool going on how long it'll take the team to self-destruct. Coach has them down for about three minutes.
Shawn says Coach is saying he has a big ego, a big head, that him and Hulkster are going to clash. 'Guys like me and Hulk Hogan - we have big egos -- because we've done it all in this business. You know what? You, little man, need to hit the bricks. I need to take this time ot introduce to each and every one of you my new tag team partner, the immortal Hulk Hogan!'
Hulk Hogan is honored to be here! It's a dream come true! He wants this interview done properly, so he tells 'Mean' Gene Okerlund to join him. That gets a nice pop too. Gene asks Shawn for his thoughts. Shawn says everybody knows Shawn was raised in a military family. When he needed a partner, he needed somebody who feels as passionately about this as he does. So he was at a crossroads, and he thought to himself, 'What am I gonna do?' Hogan can enlighten us. 'Well I heard the shoutout from the heartbreak kid, dude, but as I digressed, as I wound the clock back, I started thinking about the hall of fame.' Yes, at the hall of fame ceremony, he heard all the Hulkamaniacs saying 'One more match!' He saw what happened to Shawn, and he heard his shoutout, and he heard the rap that Hassan and Daivari made on the president and the allied forces. They're the epitome of negativity, so Shawn and Hulk are going to team because it's a dream come true to Hulk. 'Whatchagonnado? Whatchagonnado when the Heartbreak Kid, Hulk Hogan, and the Hulkamaniacs run wild on you!' CLASSIC. Hulk tears the shirt. Shawn tries, but can't quite. Nice touch. They head off.
Christy Hemme, Stacy Keibler, Marie and Candice Michelle (conveniently listed in a graphic on the screen) are here. Christy greets England and informs us that they have a party planned tonight. She invites a couple of friends to the ring, since they're not the only divas in the house tonight. 'Please welcome the beautiful ladies of the Daily Star...' and the Daily Star Girls (pardon my ignorance).
They're here to celebrate William Regal's new autobiography, Walking a Golden Mile. So here are William Regal & Tajiri!
['Regal!'] 'Thank you! Thank you, ladies, for those very kind words. Laides and gentlemen, thank you for the wonderful reception. Heh. As you can see, I have a very difficult job. My autobiography comes out soon, and I would just like to thank everybody -- you, and the WWE -- for letting me bring this out, because a few years ago, I didn't think I'd be here to actually put it in print. But I'm not gonna get all sappy on you, so did I hear somebody say something about a party? Maestro, hit the music, please!' And there is dancing.
Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari, mercifully, interrupt. 'Isn't this a pathetic sight? Two grown men and an 8-pack of international diva bimbos dancing around like mindless idiots.' Hassan is not surprised by his shoddy treatment, because the English have always been a follower of the prejudiced, racist and hypocritical Americna culture. They all follow everything Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan say. They really think they're going to win at Backlash! 'Well we couldn't think of a better way to prove them wrong than by defeating the world tag team champions right here, tonight!'
Regal: 'If you're looking for a fight, sunshine, there's no better place than right here and now, so get your bloody self down here right now.'
They head down to the ring, and we have a match... next!
Ad Break.
Match #2: William Regal & Tajiri vs Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari
We're joined in progress. Regal and Daivari are legal. Regal gets a backdrop and dumps Daivari. ['Regal!'] 'Vigilant' Mike Chioda dutifully starts the 10-count as the heels recover. Tajiri tags in, and he hits the standing moonsault for two. He follows it by working the wristlock. Daivari reverses and tags in Hassan, and they go to work on Tajiri's left arm. Hassan gets elbows to it, but Tajiri reverses to an armdrag and tags in Regal. We get an 'England' chant. Regal gets a headlock. Tajiri accidentally distracts Chioda, allowing the heels to take turns hitting Regal, and Hassan gets a blatant choke as a reuslt. He heads to the back with kicks. Hassan tags in Daivari. They both kick Regal in their corner. Daivari heads to a chinlock with an armbar. Daivari covers for two. Daivari tags in Hassan. Hassan gets a two-fisted punch to the back and a neckbreaker. ['Let's go Regal!'] It gets two. They slug it out, and Hassan actually wins wiht a two-fisted punch to the back of the head. Daivari tags in and hits a neckbreaker of his own for two. JR calls him Khosrow! First names SO rule. Hassan tags in. He gets a headlock. Regal sends him into the ropes, and they hit each other with a shoulderblock. Regal tags Tajiri, and Daivari gets in too. Kick to Daivari! Kick to Hassan! Handspring elbow to Daivari! Roundhouse kicks to the ribs of Hassan, but Hassan gets a whip into an elbow from Daivari, and Hassan hits the Finishing Touch on Tajiri. Regal loads up the power of the punch as he chases Daivari, but Hassan intercepts him, and Daivari heads up with a flying legdrop! And it gets three!
Winners: Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari via pinfall (call it ~7:00)
The heels double-team Regal after the match. Uh-oh. Hassan locks in the camel clutch, as Daivari kicks Regal in the face a bit. No face run-in, so play Hassan's music.
Ad Break.
Viscera and Trish are still eating. She asks what Viscera means. 'It means inner organs. But my outer organ ain't too bad either.' Trish says that though he wants to get down to bidness, she offers him Christy Hemme after she incapacitates her, but some timely music hits, and he offers a dance to her. He knocks over the waiter as he busts a move. 'Uh... check please?' Trish is a bit distraught.
Match #3: Edge vs Val Venis
No, that is not a misprint. Edge attacks before the bell, getting some rapid-fire stomps as Val enters the ring, followed by a kneedrop. More stomping follows. Edge lays Val's neck on top of the bottom rope and hits a running legdrop from the apron. I hear a derogatory chant but can't make out what they're saying. Edge gets a catapult and an elbowdrop for two. Edge goes to the chinlock. Val fights it and makes it to his feet. He needs only one elbow to escape, but Edge gets a punch. He runs right into a hotshot, though, and Val hits a running clothesline. Val unloads a chop against the ropes, then uses a whip and a backdrop. Does he have a game plan? More chopping, but Edge reverses a whip and tries the Edge-O-Matic. Val reverses to a half-nelson slam and it might be time to drop the money. He heads up. Shockingly, Edge gets his knees up. He lines up the spear, but runs right into a kneelift. But Edge ducks a clothesline and hits the spear. THAT gets three.
Winner: Edge via pinfall (3:19)
Post-match, Edge hits the Edgecution, the Impaler DDT. Just because. Then he goes to the Edgucator, that wacky submission move. I think that's a message. Edge paces around... and locks in the Crossface! Referee Jack Doan tries to get Edge to break. He doesn't succeed, but Chris Benoit making his way to the ring sure does. Benoit unloads the rights, ducks one from Edge, and gets three quick and painful Germans. Edge bails as fast as he can and heads to the ramp as Benoit stands tall in the ring. Edge sells the neck injury on the ramp. He looks just a bit worried.
Backstage, Jonathan Coachman tells his publicist to spin getting kicked out of his interview somehow. Triple H hands him a referee's jersey and tells him that, for tonight's match, Flair will be timekeeper, and he will be Christian's problem solver. Coach says he has no permission for this, but HHH tells him to do it. 'See you out there, ref.' Christian tells him he looks good in stripes.
Ad Break.
The Showstopper asked for it. The fans demanded it. Now, the legend returns. The immortal Hulk Hogan joins forces with the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, to battle Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari, this weekend on pay-per-view.
Trish and Viscera consume their wine. The night is just about over. 'And you know what that means.' Vis gargles some Listerine 'So, uh, are you ready?' Trish is. 'First I want to -- I want to tell you something. Come here. I wanna tell you something.' Slap. 'Listen to me. I have a seven-foot monster after me. Lita? I can take care of her. I've done it before. But if Kane gets a hold of me, I am dead.' She tells him that after Backlash, he can do whatever, but until he does the deed, 'we don't.' He understands. 'Believe me, when I get through with Kane at Backlash, he'll never bother you again. You wanna pay me afterwards, hey, that's cool, but I did take you out tonight, so, uh, tonight I'm gonna take an advance...'
This prompts Trish to step away from the table... and flash him. Vis is transfixed. Heh. He's psyched for Sunday: 'Kane, you're a dead man.'
Referee Jonathan Coachman hits the ring. Christian follows, and the match is next!
Ad Break.
We're back, and Triple H & Ric Flair hit the ring too. Y'know, isn't Christian supposed to head down after them, seeing as he's the guy in the match?
Anyway.
Match #4: Christian (w/ Triple H) vs Batista
Special Guest Timekeeper: Ric Flair
Special Guest Referee: Jonathan Coachman
Christian attacks from behind with stomps. But Batista is too big for Christian to whip, and he just dumps Christian. HHH whispers some advice to Christian. HHH gets on the apron and points to Batista as Christian heads up. HHH jumps off the apron as Batista blocks the Flying Nothing and shoves Christian into the corner. He gets a pair of elbows and a hard whip into the opposite corner that knocks Christian down. 'It'll remodify your spine! Nothing but power and strength and intensity!' Good ol' JR. Another hard whip by Batista. Batista tries a whip, but Christian hangs onto the top rope for dear life. So Batista gets a punch and a kneelift, and the whip leads to a sideslam for a legitimate two. Christian pokes Batista in the eye and heads to a chop. And an opem-handed chop. Christian gets a pair of rights and a slap, but Batista kicks him, whips him and hits the big clothesline. Batista looks at Christian flop, then slaps him on the back of the head. He picks Christian up and whips him, but lowers his head. Christian gets a kick to the head, but Batista blocks a running cross body and hits a running powerslam for zero, as Christian ties his shoe. Christian gets up. Batista chokes out Coach in the corner, and HHH heads in with a low blow as Batista is distracted. Christian tries a flying cross body but misses. And let's go to an ad break! (3:40)
Ad Break ends (6:42)
Christian is standing tall on Batista's throat on the second rope! When he breaks, HHH gets a cheap shot, and Christian covers for two. Batista powers out of a chinlock, but Christian lands on the second rope, and Batista charges into a boot. Christian hits a flying dropkoick for two! Christian beats on Batista in the corner. He distracts our impartial referee as Flair chokes Batista with his jacket. Batista fights out of his problem in the corner with rights, and the third one just topples Christian. HHH trips Batista, though, and Christian stomps away. He stands on Batista. Christian goes for a neckbreaker. Batista fights it and almost powers out (nice), but Christian manages to hit it! It gets two. Christian goes to a blatant choke! ['Let's go Christian!'] But when Christian runs the ropes, Batista slams him, and Batista gets a series of rights. Batista uses a whip, but blocks the cross body again and hits a powerful front slam. Batista hits a running avalanche in the corner, and unloads the Lesnar shoulder thrusts. ['Batista!' This crowd rules.] Christiani tries the Unprettier, but Batista reverses to an ELECTRIC CHAIR! He covers for two as Coach's arm stops working. He seems to have torn a ligament. So Batista exacerbates the injuries by murdering him with a clothesline, and then taking out HHH for good measure. He spinebusters Christian, clotheslines HHH out, and looks into the ecrowd. He shakes the ropes with furious anger! Thumbs up... thumbs down. DAVEBOMB! He uses Coach's arm to count three and get the win.
Winner: Batista via pinfall (12:28)
HHH attacks Batista from behind with a clothesline, but Batista shoves him away when he attacks in the corner. HHH gets a chair, but Batista clotheslines him. Batista gets the chair... but HHH sneaks in with a quick kick and HITS the Pedigree! He does an over-the-top celebration and throws his shirt on Batista. He's horrified when Batista starts to twitch, but Batista collapses again, and the celebration continues. If he can do that this Sunday, our hosts think he might just win his belt back.
We're here in Birmingham for a special UK edition of Monday Night Raw! Jonathan Coachman & Jerry 'The King' Lawler' are your hosts. Jim Ross still isn't quite in condition to call the show, so Coach gets the job. There's a hot crowd here. [Sign: Waylon Mercy is God] We also have a slightly-altered set, with a smaller video board, an elevated stage, and a Union Jack in the background..
Promised for Tonight:
- Batista vs Christian
But Batista is here already to start the show for the first time since winning the belt! He's wearing a suit and his belt over his shoulder. The enormous pyro is back. Batista gets a good pop and poses on the turnbuckles. The chants start before he even starts talking. Coach says there's one word for everyone who thinks Batista will be champ beyond this weekend: Pedigree. King, who's been a Batista supporter since he saved JR from HHH last week, thinks the mighty DAVEBOMB can offset that.
'Well, heheh!' He soaks in more applause. 'I'm in England. Hehehaha. Here I am in England, hehehe -- well I'm actually here tonight --' ['Batista!'] 'I'm here tonight to honor one man. A great man. A man whose accomplishments often go unrecognized. A man who puts his body and his mind on the line for his business. Hehe. A man who, in one night, accomplished what it took me two long years to do. And that is beat Triple H. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you the one, the only, good ol' JR!'
And here is Jim Ross in a suit and the massive hat. We get highlights of his beating at the hands of HHH, and subsequent victory with the help of Batista. Batista hugs JR and does
'Hear that? You deserve that. Congratulations. Now we all knew that you were one hell of an announcer, best in history, don't sell yourself short, you're the best. But what we didn't know, what you were hiding fom us, is that you've got skills! You've got wrestling skills, yes you do! JR, you beat a 10-time World Champion, HHH. Now I've been in the ring with HHH, and baby, I'll tell you, it takes guts to even get in the ring with that man. But you did it, you took a hell of a beating, you took it like a man. And I'm here - we're all here -- to show you the respect that you deserve. That's right.' [JR! JR! JR!]
It's all about the game. Now here's Triple H to let business pick up. 'ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH!' [Boo!] 'I have had it with this crap! You [censored] wanna cheer him?'
'Look what we got! HHH! What a surprise!' [*******!] 'What a surprise for you to come out here and break up the good time. We never would've expected that. Actually, I was wondering what took you so long.' ['Batista!'] 'You think this is funny, huh?' [Laughs.] 'You think this is a joke? Let me tell you something, Jack. At Backlash, you --'
'Whoa! Speaking of Backlash, since JR beat you last week...' [cheers] 'I think that makes JR -- that makes JR the #1 contender. So I'm thinking at Backlash, maybe it's Batista versus JR, not -- not Batista versus HHH. I don't even think you deserve a title shot.' ['You suck!']
'LET ME REMIND YOU WHO THE HELL I AM!'
'Whoa! No no no no! Let me remind you -- could you roll the footage, please?'
And we see JR pinning HHH for three again. Batista raises JR's hand in the ring.
'Like I was saying --' Batista interrupts him with laughter. 'I'm sorry. I hate to keep cutting you off, but I just can't help it. I gotta see that again. Could you please play that footage again?' So we see it again. HHH is getting progressively angrier. Batista raises the arm again. So HHH removes the jacket and starts walking to the ring. JR leaves the ring, HHH removes the tie, and Batista removes his jacket. HHH heads to the ring area. Off go the shirts, but HHH thinks better of it. More Batista chants. Coach says HHH is measuring up Batista for Backlash. This gets HHH the Goodbye Song from the Birmingham crowd. Batista smiles.
'Batista, at Backlash, your *** is mine.'
'I don't think so. I don't think so. At Backlash, THIS is MINE.' He holds up the belt, and play his music! Coach harps on the disrespect for HHH again. They jaw at each other as we head to break.
Tonight:
- An Interview with the Dream Team of Shawn Michaels & Hulk Hogan
Ad Break.
Jim Ross is back at the announce position. King welcomes him back.
We get highlights of Viscera saving Trish Stratus from Kane, then coming onto her.
Booked for Backlash:
- Kane (w/ Lita) vs King Viscera (w/ Trish Stratus)
Trish Stratus meets up with Viscera at the Brasshouse for their date. Vis is wearing a suit. Viscera went to the drugstore, which is why he is a bit late. Trish asks why he had to go there. He didn't go to the drugstore for medication, no -- he went there for a little protection. He pulls out several condoms to ensure the joke goes over nobody's head. Vis demands a table for two somewhere very romantic.
Match #1: Chris Jericho vs Sylvain Grenier (w/ Rob Conway)
['Y2J!'] Our hosts dicuss Fozzy's new song, 'Shelton Benjamin Is A Little *****': JR doesn't think it'll show up at karaoke bars anytime soon. Grenier beats on Jericho early, stomping a mudhole in the corner, getting a whip into the opposite corner and hitting a flapjack. He does Jericho's ARROGANT COVER~!, which is reversed to a schoolboy for two. Grenier gets a back suplex for two and heads to the chinlock. Jericho gets to his feet and elbows out, but Grenier knees him. He gets a whip, but Jericho gets a running schoolboy for two. The ring mics are really loud tonight. Jericho gets a clothesline and a shoulderblock. He gets a forearm to the head. In the corner, Jericho unloads the chops. Jericho gets a cross-corner whip and the running bulldog. He tries the Lionsault. Grenier dodges, but Jericho lands on his feet and hits the Y2J Stinger. However, Conway gets on the apron, distracting Referee Chad Patton. Jericho knocks him out with a springboard dropkick. Grenier walks into the Walls of Jericho in the middle of the ring and taps quickly.
Winner: Chris Jericho via submission (3:01)
Quick fun match. The heels double-team Jericho, so Shelton Benjamin runs out to make the save! He slugs it out with Conway, ducks a clothesline from Grenier and dumps him, then dumps Conway too. Jericho and Shelton are in the ring together. Jericho thanks Shelton for the save and accuses him of stealing the spotlight while giving sarcastic praise, so Shelton hits THAT'S MISTER EXPLODER and stands over Jericho. 'Who's the ***** now?' That gets a pretty negative reaction. Play Shelton's music. He leaves.
Ad Break.
At the Brasshouse, Viscera compliments Trish on her hair. Trish compliments Viscera on taking Kane out last week. Trish orders some bangers and mash in a British accent. Viscera calls himself a banger who loves to mash, which prompts Trish to ask for the sandwich instead. Viscera says eating gets him in the mood, so Trish calls him the horniest man on the planet. Viscera asks Trish if she wants any of the rolls, then digs in himself. The soirée continues...
Christian tells Tyson Tomko to stick to the plan tonight. Ric Flair tells them they have one job tonight: either as an individual or a collective, they must beat Batista to an inch of his life, at which point HHH will saunter out and hit the Pedigree. Christian tells Flair what HHH is going to do tonight: exactly nothing tonight, becasue tonight is Captain Charisma's night. POP! 'It's not my fault that HHH can't hit a Pedigree. And don't look at me that way in my dressing room.' He says that if HHH wants some competition, he should hope he gets drafted to Smackdown. 'Hey, maybe he can beat Michael Cole.' POP! Ohh SNAP! Flair is irate. Christian calms him to prevent any possible heart attacks, then tells Tomko to escort Mr Flair from his dressing room. Christian is so on fire right now.
Ad Break.
We get highlights of the ticket sales for Backlash in Manchester, NH, home of the Fisher Cats.
Christian & Tyson Tomko are here! Even JR has to acknowledge the pop and large pro-Christian sign contingent. Christian gets the stick.
'You know, historically, historically, Canadians like myself have been much, much smarter than you Brits.' [Boo!] 'So I'll talk verys lowly. Nice teeth, by the way. You see, last week, I told Vince McMahon that I deserved to be in the main event. And this week, I'm gonna prove it. You see, HHH seesm to be having a hard time lately hitting Batista with his Pedigree. But believe me, I won't have any problem beating Batista tonight with a real move, with my move, the Unprettier!' Pop. 'And next month, at the draft, whether I stay here on Raw and I beat Batista again, or whether I go to Smackdown and I beat that Ali G ripoff John Cena,' [mixed reaction!] 'one thing is for damn sure -- it's gonna be Captain Charisma carrying the torch, 'cause THAT'S HOW I ROLL!' Pop.
PYRO! Kane is here. Christian is a bit nervous, and discusses strategy with Tomko, telling him to run at Kane first. Kane walks to the ring with a purpose -- welcome back, JR -- and quickly lays out Tomko. Christian bails and runs through the crowd, and Kane beats on Tomko in the corner with rights. Kane hits the chokeslam quickly and lights the turnbuckles on fire as Christian gets backstage as fast as he can.
Backstage, Maria asks Lita about Kane's match with Viscera this Sunday, and notes that he seems focused after Vis blindsided him last week. Lita says it's not about last week, it's about Sunday at Backlash, when her husband Kane destroys Viscera, and Trish Stratus finally gets what she deserves.
Ad Break.
Backstage, Christian runs away and tells people to tell him if anyone sees Kane. He goes to the Evolution locker room and tells Ric Flair that he wants to apologize for telling him to go away earlier. He tells Flair that he wants to revisit the plan he suggested earlier. Flair says Kane's coming, which freaks Christian out and gets a good pop. 'Gotcha!' He tells Christian to wait outside for a sec, and retreats into his locker room. Christian is paranoid, looking around nervously for Kane.
Triple H heads out of the Evolution locker room quietly and stares Christian down. When Christian notices him, he does a double take. Have I ever mentioned that Christian rules? 'Michael Cole, huh?' Christian says it was a joke. HHH asks if he wants to do some business. He tells Christian to head in and talk about it. So he does.
Chris Masters is here. He makes his way to the ring. 'Last week, Madison Square Garden, I put $1,000 on the line to anybody who could break my Masterlock. And guess what? Nobody did. So, since nobody in the States couuld break it, let's see if one of you Brits can break it! That's right! 1,000 pounds, right here! Who's up for the challenge, huh? Who wants 1,000 pounds?' He considers a girl, and a guy with a neck so skinny that he'd break it, before settling on a worthy adversary. He tells him to come into the ring, notes that he seems to work out a bit, and asks who he is.
'Andy Baker.'
'Where you from, Andy Baker?'
'I'm from Birmingham, England.'
'Andy Baker, 1,000 pounds right here. All you gota do is break the Masterlock. You ready? Let's do it. Sit down. Sit down. This is how it goes. I'm gonna put the masterlock on, and the referee is gonna say go, and then feel free to try to break it. Got it? Get it? Good.'
He locks it in. Referee Jack Doan notices that he's out right away and calls for the bell. Masters wins! He gets his money back and leaves.
Ad Break.
Trust Company's 'Stronger' is the official theme of Backlash.
Jonathan Coachman says history will be made this weekend: Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari will defeat the dream team of Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan. He has an interview with the Heatbreak Kid himself, Shawn Michaels. He congratulates him on creating a team of two of the biggest egos in WWE, and says that everyone in the back has a pool going on how long it'll take the team to self-destruct. Coach has them down for about three minutes.
Shawn says Coach is saying he has a big ego, a big head, that him and Hulkster are going to clash. 'Guys like me and Hulk Hogan - we have big egos -- because we've done it all in this business. You know what? You, little man, need to hit the bricks. I need to take this time ot introduce to each and every one of you my new tag team partner, the immortal Hulk Hogan!'
Hulk Hogan is honored to be here! It's a dream come true! He wants this interview done properly, so he tells 'Mean' Gene Okerlund to join him. That gets a nice pop too. Gene asks Shawn for his thoughts. Shawn says everybody knows Shawn was raised in a military family. When he needed a partner, he needed somebody who feels as passionately about this as he does. So he was at a crossroads, and he thought to himself, 'What am I gonna do?' Hogan can enlighten us. 'Well I heard the shoutout from the heartbreak kid, dude, but as I digressed, as I wound the clock back, I started thinking about the hall of fame.' Yes, at the hall of fame ceremony, he heard all the Hulkamaniacs saying 'One more match!' He saw what happened to Shawn, and he heard his shoutout, and he heard the rap that Hassan and Daivari made on the president and the allied forces. They're the epitome of negativity, so Shawn and Hulk are going to team because it's a dream come true to Hulk. 'Whatchagonnado? Whatchagonnado when the Heartbreak Kid, Hulk Hogan, and the Hulkamaniacs run wild on you!' CLASSIC. Hulk tears the shirt. Shawn tries, but can't quite. Nice touch. They head off.
Christy Hemme, Stacy Keibler, Marie and Candice Michelle (conveniently listed in a graphic on the screen) are here. Christy greets England and informs us that they have a party planned tonight. She invites a couple of friends to the ring, since they're not the only divas in the house tonight. 'Please welcome the beautiful ladies of the Daily Star...' and the Daily Star Girls (pardon my ignorance).
They're here to celebrate William Regal's new autobiography, Walking a Golden Mile. So here are William Regal & Tajiri!
['Regal!'] 'Thank you! Thank you, ladies, for those very kind words. Laides and gentlemen, thank you for the wonderful reception. Heh. As you can see, I have a very difficult job. My autobiography comes out soon, and I would just like to thank everybody -- you, and the WWE -- for letting me bring this out, because a few years ago, I didn't think I'd be here to actually put it in print. But I'm not gonna get all sappy on you, so did I hear somebody say something about a party? Maestro, hit the music, please!' And there is dancing.
Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari, mercifully, interrupt. 'Isn't this a pathetic sight? Two grown men and an 8-pack of international diva bimbos dancing around like mindless idiots.' Hassan is not surprised by his shoddy treatment, because the English have always been a follower of the prejudiced, racist and hypocritical Americna culture. They all follow everything Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan say. They really think they're going to win at Backlash! 'Well we couldn't think of a better way to prove them wrong than by defeating the world tag team champions right here, tonight!'
Regal: 'If you're looking for a fight, sunshine, there's no better place than right here and now, so get your bloody self down here right now.'
They head down to the ring, and we have a match... next!
Ad Break.
Match #2: William Regal & Tajiri vs Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari
We're joined in progress. Regal and Daivari are legal. Regal gets a backdrop and dumps Daivari. ['Regal!'] 'Vigilant' Mike Chioda dutifully starts the 10-count as the heels recover. Tajiri tags in, and he hits the standing moonsault for two. He follows it by working the wristlock. Daivari reverses and tags in Hassan, and they go to work on Tajiri's left arm. Hassan gets elbows to it, but Tajiri reverses to an armdrag and tags in Regal. We get an 'England' chant. Regal gets a headlock. Tajiri accidentally distracts Chioda, allowing the heels to take turns hitting Regal, and Hassan gets a blatant choke as a reuslt. He heads to the back with kicks. Hassan tags in Daivari. They both kick Regal in their corner. Daivari heads to a chinlock with an armbar. Daivari covers for two. Daivari tags in Hassan. Hassan gets a two-fisted punch to the back and a neckbreaker. ['Let's go Regal!'] It gets two. They slug it out, and Hassan actually wins wiht a two-fisted punch to the back of the head. Daivari tags in and hits a neckbreaker of his own for two. JR calls him Khosrow! First names SO rule. Hassan tags in. He gets a headlock. Regal sends him into the ropes, and they hit each other with a shoulderblock. Regal tags Tajiri, and Daivari gets in too. Kick to Daivari! Kick to Hassan! Handspring elbow to Daivari! Roundhouse kicks to the ribs of Hassan, but Hassan gets a whip into an elbow from Daivari, and Hassan hits the Finishing Touch on Tajiri. Regal loads up the power of the punch as he chases Daivari, but Hassan intercepts him, and Daivari heads up with a flying legdrop! And it gets three!
Winners: Muhammad Hassan & Khosrow Daivari via pinfall (call it ~7:00)
The heels double-team Regal after the match. Uh-oh. Hassan locks in the camel clutch, as Daivari kicks Regal in the face a bit. No face run-in, so play Hassan's music.
Ad Break.
Viscera and Trish are still eating. She asks what Viscera means. 'It means inner organs. But my outer organ ain't too bad either.' Trish says that though he wants to get down to bidness, she offers him Christy Hemme after she incapacitates her, but some timely music hits, and he offers a dance to her. He knocks over the waiter as he busts a move. 'Uh... check please?' Trish is a bit distraught.
Match #3: Edge vs Val Venis
No, that is not a misprint. Edge attacks before the bell, getting some rapid-fire stomps as Val enters the ring, followed by a kneedrop. More stomping follows. Edge lays Val's neck on top of the bottom rope and hits a running legdrop from the apron. I hear a derogatory chant but can't make out what they're saying. Edge gets a catapult and an elbowdrop for two. Edge goes to the chinlock. Val fights it and makes it to his feet. He needs only one elbow to escape, but Edge gets a punch. He runs right into a hotshot, though, and Val hits a running clothesline. Val unloads a chop against the ropes, then uses a whip and a backdrop. Does he have a game plan? More chopping, but Edge reverses a whip and tries the Edge-O-Matic. Val reverses to a half-nelson slam and it might be time to drop the money. He heads up. Shockingly, Edge gets his knees up. He lines up the spear, but runs right into a kneelift. But Edge ducks a clothesline and hits the spear. THAT gets three.
Winner: Edge via pinfall (3:19)
Post-match, Edge hits the Edgecution, the Impaler DDT. Just because. Then he goes to the Edgucator, that wacky submission move. I think that's a message. Edge paces around... and locks in the Crossface! Referee Jack Doan tries to get Edge to break. He doesn't succeed, but Chris Benoit making his way to the ring sure does. Benoit unloads the rights, ducks one from Edge, and gets three quick and painful Germans. Edge bails as fast as he can and heads to the ramp as Benoit stands tall in the ring. Edge sells the neck injury on the ramp. He looks just a bit worried.
Backstage, Jonathan Coachman tells his publicist to spin getting kicked out of his interview somehow. Triple H hands him a referee's jersey and tells him that, for tonight's match, Flair will be timekeeper, and he will be Christian's problem solver. Coach says he has no permission for this, but HHH tells him to do it. 'See you out there, ref.' Christian tells him he looks good in stripes.
Ad Break.
The Showstopper asked for it. The fans demanded it. Now, the legend returns. The immortal Hulk Hogan joins forces with the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels, to battle Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari, this weekend on pay-per-view.
Trish and Viscera consume their wine. The night is just about over. 'And you know what that means.' Vis gargles some Listerine 'So, uh, are you ready?' Trish is. 'First I want to -- I want to tell you something. Come here. I wanna tell you something.' Slap. 'Listen to me. I have a seven-foot monster after me. Lita? I can take care of her. I've done it before. But if Kane gets a hold of me, I am dead.' She tells him that after Backlash, he can do whatever, but until he does the deed, 'we don't.' He understands. 'Believe me, when I get through with Kane at Backlash, he'll never bother you again. You wanna pay me afterwards, hey, that's cool, but I did take you out tonight, so, uh, tonight I'm gonna take an advance...'
This prompts Trish to step away from the table... and flash him. Vis is transfixed. Heh. He's psyched for Sunday: 'Kane, you're a dead man.'
Referee Jonathan Coachman hits the ring. Christian follows, and the match is next!
Ad Break.
We're back, and Triple H & Ric Flair hit the ring too. Y'know, isn't Christian supposed to head down after them, seeing as he's the guy in the match?
Anyway.
Match #4: Christian (w/ Triple H) vs Batista
Special Guest Timekeeper: Ric Flair
Special Guest Referee: Jonathan Coachman
Christian attacks from behind with stomps. But Batista is too big for Christian to whip, and he just dumps Christian. HHH whispers some advice to Christian. HHH gets on the apron and points to Batista as Christian heads up. HHH jumps off the apron as Batista blocks the Flying Nothing and shoves Christian into the corner. He gets a pair of elbows and a hard whip into the opposite corner that knocks Christian down. 'It'll remodify your spine! Nothing but power and strength and intensity!' Good ol' JR. Another hard whip by Batista. Batista tries a whip, but Christian hangs onto the top rope for dear life. So Batista gets a punch and a kneelift, and the whip leads to a sideslam for a legitimate two. Christian pokes Batista in the eye and heads to a chop. And an opem-handed chop. Christian gets a pair of rights and a slap, but Batista kicks him, whips him and hits the big clothesline. Batista looks at Christian flop, then slaps him on the back of the head. He picks Christian up and whips him, but lowers his head. Christian gets a kick to the head, but Batista blocks a running cross body and hits a running powerslam for zero, as Christian ties his shoe. Christian gets up. Batista chokes out Coach in the corner, and HHH heads in with a low blow as Batista is distracted. Christian tries a flying cross body but misses. And let's go to an ad break! (3:40)
Ad Break ends (6:42)
Christian is standing tall on Batista's throat on the second rope! When he breaks, HHH gets a cheap shot, and Christian covers for two. Batista powers out of a chinlock, but Christian lands on the second rope, and Batista charges into a boot. Christian hits a flying dropkoick for two! Christian beats on Batista in the corner. He distracts our impartial referee as Flair chokes Batista with his jacket. Batista fights out of his problem in the corner with rights, and the third one just topples Christian. HHH trips Batista, though, and Christian stomps away. He stands on Batista. Christian goes for a neckbreaker. Batista fights it and almost powers out (nice), but Christian manages to hit it! It gets two. Christian goes to a blatant choke! ['Let's go Christian!'] But when Christian runs the ropes, Batista slams him, and Batista gets a series of rights. Batista uses a whip, but blocks the cross body again and hits a powerful front slam. Batista hits a running avalanche in the corner, and unloads the Lesnar shoulder thrusts. ['Batista!' This crowd rules.] Christiani tries the Unprettier, but Batista reverses to an ELECTRIC CHAIR! He covers for two as Coach's arm stops working. He seems to have torn a ligament. So Batista exacerbates the injuries by murdering him with a clothesline, and then taking out HHH for good measure. He spinebusters Christian, clotheslines HHH out, and looks into the ecrowd. He shakes the ropes with furious anger! Thumbs up... thumbs down. DAVEBOMB! He uses Coach's arm to count three and get the win.
Winner: Batista via pinfall (12:28)
HHH attacks Batista from behind with a clothesline, but Batista shoves him away when he attacks in the corner. HHH gets a chair, but Batista clotheslines him. Batista gets the chair... but HHH sneaks in with a quick kick and HITS the Pedigree! He does an over-the-top celebration and throws his shirt on Batista. He's horrified when Batista starts to twitch, but Batista collapses again, and the celebration continues. If he can do that this Sunday, our hosts think he might just win his belt back.
