i have been friends with a girl since i am 10 ( i am 26 now) and we were best friends for most of those years. over the past 2 years we grew apart and arent super close any more but we are still friends and when i do see her its as if nothing has changed,. she is still in my circle of friends.
FH and her dont get along. i want her in my BP and he says that i am disrespecting him by doing that.
what are your opinions? i wouldnt feel right if she wasnt up their with me.
SummerBride10
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
I don't think you'd be disrepecting him to have him in your BP. I think it would be the other way around- he should understand you're good friends with this girl and what it would be mean to have her in your BP. Maybe you can explain it to him?
CloudNine
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
i have tried, we've had this convo many times. and i told him if teh roles were reversed i woudlnt care, its who HE wants to be there and i wouldnt take that away from him. besides its MY wedding day...one of his friends wouldnt ruin that for me. but he doesnt see it that way. he keeps saying its his wedding day too and since he doesnt like her she shouldnt be there
JenBill61210
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
if she means a lot to you and you want her included in your BP i think you should include her. I would sit down with FH and just explain that it would mean a lot to you and if it was him who had put in a GM that you disliked you would be willing to put up with him for that day if it meant a lot to him.
JenBill61210
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
Posted by jenny8484
if she means a lot to you and you want her included in your BP i think you should include her. I would sit down with FH and just explain that it would mean a lot to you and if it was him who had put in a GM that you disliked you would be willing to put up with him for that day if it meant a lot to him.
ETA: if you are having a ceremony perhaps she can be included by doing a reading and not totally in the BP this way there is some sort of compromise?
rocketsummer17
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
if she really means that much to you then your FH should understand. I honestly dont think he is being fair to you at all...she is YOUR friend, not his...You want her up there to represent you on your wedding day...she is not representing him so what does it matter... If he is really being so stubborn about it and it is causing alot of stress between the two of you, could you maybe have her do a reading and wear a dress in a similar color of the bridal party...
I just dont think he is being fair to you...how would he like it if you said you didnt want one of his groomsmen in the party...
JoanneAndJustin
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
I'm going to be the sole dissenting opinion. If it's causing FH so much grief that you all have had a discussion about it before you even asked her, I'd be inclined not to ask to her to be a part of the BP.
During our great Wedding Compromise of 2008 we decided that the people we choose for BP don't have to necessarily be people we're both THRILLED with but we have to at least accept them standing up for us as a couple. If there was someone he or I absolutely hated they were out.
Jenny's idea is a good one. Have this person be a special part of the wedding in another way a reading as a DOC, etc. etc.
christine2010
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
i agree with Joanne on this. FH & i had a similar discussion & it was simply stated that anyone who has ever questioned or doubted our relationship is not to be included in the BP. thats why all my bridemaids are my cousins. FH has to pick all friends because he has no siblings and is not very close with his cousins. but i told him he can only pick friends whom he is comfortable with to discuss our relationship with.
as for maid of honor i picked my sister.
as for best man i basically encouraged him on whom to pick. don't forget that your moh & best man are suppose to be your 1st childs godparents. due to disagreements by nephews parents no longer speak to his godparents & i feel that is very sad.
Opera_Ghost
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
I had a similar situation with someone I was going to pick as my BM. I didn't really understand why he didn't like her until he told me one night he heard from one of our friends that she would talk about our relationship behind my back.. saying that FH isn't good enough for me and that she can't imagine why I would want to marry him, that he's not husband material, that she doesn't think we will be happy... To my face she'd tell me he's perfect for me, that she's so happy for us, etc etc... That's not a real friend. I confronted her about it and she lied.... eventually she admitted she said those things. Iasked for her to apologize to FH for saying things that were not true to our friends and she even said this to some family members at my small e-party, that's how I found out she really said it. I was talking to my aunt about the whole situation and she was asking if that was the 'blonde girl in the pink' and the party and I told her it is, and she told me she was telling my aunt & uncle that FH & I constantly fight and that I don't really love him, etc. After almost 3 years of a good friendship with her I shut the door. There were other things not FH related that caused me to do so as well.
Luckily I'm out of that situation now and she won't be apart of my bridal party.. or my life.
Nurse12985
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
Put her in. Tell her how FH feels. Im sure that she is not going to start something with him during your wedding.
Nurse12985
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
Posted by christine2010
as for best man i basically encouraged him on whom to pick. don't forget that your moh & best man are suppose to be your 1st childs godparents. due to disagreements by nephews parents no longer speak to his godparents & i feel that is very sad.
I didn't know that they are the 1st childs Godparents. I don't know if I will ask my own sister to be my childs Godmother as she doesn't even belive in God.
CloudNine
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
i dont think anything is going to be started at all, i just dont see why he harps on it so much...liek someone else said she's there for me not him. its not like she is moh
DWKSwed
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
I think he should deal with it if he just doesn't like her - BUT - if she actually DID something to warrant this, like if she is mean to FH or says things about your relationship, you shouldn't have her in it. Why does he not like her, just a personality clash or something more?
Opera_Ghost
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
If my former friend had not done what she did I would have put her in my bridal party anyway because she was a special person & close friend to me.
But maybe you need to sit them both down with you and talk it out. Let FH know that you want your friend there as BM on that day and stress how/why it's so important to you. And talk to them both and voice your concerns because you don't want problems day of the wedding. I'm sure they can both learn to live with eachother for just one day.
stinenandy2010
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
Did something happen that he really doesn't like her?
Its your bridesmaid and I think you should choose whoever you are closest with. Like you said, it wouldn't feel right without her up there with you.
grrulz
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
I really feel you should have a talk with your fh and let him know nicely because i understand how you want your friend to be up there with you!!! and he should understand that too good luck!
CloudNine
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Re: X-Post FH and BM Drama (lil Long)
when we first started dating they got along great., they used to talk all the time. then one day FH and i got into an argument and i dont know how it came up but he told me that she told him my ex bf used to try and hang out with her and she used to hang out with him after we broke up or something like that. so i asked my friend and she said no and then got all mad saying he was lying and she texted him telling him not to bring her into stuff yada yada. FH got mad cuz he said that he was telling the turth and that SHE was the one lying to me. i never really go to the bottom of it b ut since then they havent been great friends anymore. oh and she told me that sometimes she doesnt agree with how we handle things in our relationship but thats neither here nor there b/c its none of her business how we handle out stuff
