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x post: question bout FMIL
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
oddly enough, I already know FMIL is buying my China settings w her SIL (FH's aunt). They are not contributing financially to the shower, as far as I know.
I am completely in awe at their generosity and realize I am very fortunate!
I am completely in awe at their generosity and realize I am very fortunate!
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
FMIL says she wants to buy us our pots from All-Clad for our shower. I'm sure whatever it is you aren't being a brat, although I can't say for sure. My parents got us a bunch of gifts for our engagement party and FMIL didn't get us anything for our e-party because she doesn't believe in that...
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
I think it could be that her DAUGHTER is different than her SON. Most families (who think tradition still reigns supreme) think the daughter's family pays more for the wedding and related events than the son's.
and, we didnt have an engagement party, but FMIL and FFIL took us out to eat at a local sports bar for burgers - a grand total of $50. My mother wrote us a check for double that. It is what it is.
I would be hurt, yes, but to say something is tacky and you should rise above.
and, we didnt have an engagement party, but FMIL and FFIL took us out to eat at a local sports bar for burgers - a grand total of $50. My mother wrote us a check for double that. It is what it is.
I would be hurt, yes, but to say something is tacky and you should rise above.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by CaughtMyFish
I think it could be that her DAUGHTER is different than her SON. Most families (who think tradition still reigns supreme) think the daughter's family pays more for the wedding and related events than the son's.
and, we didnt have an engagement party, but FMIL and FFIL took us out to eat at a local sports bar for burgers - a grand total of $50. My mother wrote us a check for double that. It is what it is.
I would be hurt, yes, but to say something is tacky and you should rise above.
This could be true. My FIL did everything to go above and beyond for FSIL wedding and paying for it (which never even happened because she was too lazy to plan it). And FSIL is in the wedding and has complained about paying for everything so FMIL has been paying her portion pretty much. And for the shower neither of them came early to help set up and then left early on top of it, because FSIL had something to do. Are you kidding me...you only knew the date for how long?? And FMIL got us our bedding set, but the card said it was from FSIL as well. Which I don't believe. My mom went way above and beyond picking up the slack for the shower and getting me a gazillion presents to open. FIL are paying for the RD...and that was after convincing my FH to even ask them to do it.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
It's hard to say...how is your relationship generally with FMIL? Mine hated me, I mean caused so many problems my eh-fh cancelled our wedding 11 days before we were to be married. But she actually did buy me my pot set that was $400 and a roasting pan that was $100. She didn't contribute to the shower or anything else. But the irony is, she bought an expensive gift and was overhead at MY SHOWER telling someone that she wasn't letting this wedding happen!
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by CaughtMyFish
I think it could be that her DAUGHTER is different than her SON. Most families (who think tradition still reigns supreme) think the daughter's family pays more for the wedding and related events than the son's.
and, we didnt have an engagement party, but FMIL and FFIL took us out to eat at a local sports bar for burgers - a grand total of $50. My mother wrote us a check for double that. It is what it is.
I would be hurt, yes, but to say something is tacky and you should rise above.
I think it may be exactly the fact that it is her son & not her daughter. My FIL's really like me & are extremely happy we are getting married but have not offered to pay for anything. This has caused me to be a bit upset since FMIL wants everyone from their side of the family to be invited (over 100 people) but yet I am not inviting everyone from my side because of $. FH doesn't want to upset her but I explained to him unless they help with $ we can't invite all these people. To make matters worse she mentioned in front of my mother at our (meet and greet of families) how she had donated alot of $ to their church (it was a crazy amount of $ to donate). I don't expect anyone to help financially with our wedding but if they want certain people to be there I would be happy if they just offered to pay for one thing.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by CaughtMyFish
I think it could be that her DAUGHTER is different than her SON. Most families (who think tradition still reigns supreme) think the daughter's family pays more for the wedding and related events than the son's.
I agree with this. FMIL bought us a Dyson for my shower b/c FH raved about it and told her how much he wanted it. My mother and MOH paid for my whole shower.
FMIL also told FH and I that she would give a significant amount of money to help us pay for the wedding (my paren'ts aren't well off, so FH and I are paying for alot of the wedding ourselves). Recently, FMIL told us that she would no longer be helping us to pay for the wedding. I feel that when FH's sister gets married, there will be no shortage of money for her wedding.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
I don't think you are being a brat because I would be pissy as well, BUT I would never under any circumstances say anything or bring it up.
I also agree with the other girls about daughters being different then sons. FFIL paid for his entire step-daughters wedding, and has tons of money, yet we have no idea if they are going to do anything for his own son, BUT you never know if they have something else up their sleeve, and even if they don't, keep a smile on your face and be a thankful daughter in law.
I also agree with the other girls about daughters being different then sons. FFIL paid for his entire step-daughters wedding, and has tons of money, yet we have no idea if they are going to do anything for his own son, BUT you never know if they have something else up their sleeve, and even if they don't, keep a smile on your face and be a thankful daughter in law.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
I get along with my FMIL very well, sometimes better than my actual mom. However she is trying to spend as little as possible because she doesn't 'get weddings'. She asked my mom to switch hosting duties (the RD for the after-morning breakfast) because it is 'cheap to just do bagels and cream cheese'. I'm not expecting her to contribute to the shower and I'm sure her gift won't be more than $40.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
It is the FMIL (& fathers) responsibility for the rehearsal dinner. The rest is the brides parents. Usually the groom (with the help of his family if they are willing) pays for the engagement ring, the honeymoon and the wedding band. If I'm not mistaken he also pays for the bride's bouquet
(I'm not 100% sure on the bouquet). It wouldn't hurt to ask your FMIL to contribute more but you shouldn't expect it. Sorry it stinks but this is the proper etiquette of weddings. Maybe she will surprise you and get you a really really nice present for the wedding. I've heard of the groom's parents paying for the entire honeymoon which can run an easy $10,000. You never know. Enjoy the process and you may be pleasantly surprised in the end.
(I'm not 100% sure on the bouquet). It wouldn't hurt to ask your FMIL to contribute more but you shouldn't expect it. Sorry it stinks but this is the proper etiquette of weddings. Maybe she will surprise you and get you a really really nice present for the wedding. I've heard of the groom's parents paying for the entire honeymoon which can run an easy $10,000. You never know. Enjoy the process and you may be pleasantly surprised in the end.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by ajudgeinthecourt
and my fmil payed for everything for her daughters 3 years ago
Now should i talk with fh about this or wait until the shower?
perhaps since FMIL paid for everything when her daughter got married, this is what she's accustomed to (bride's parents pay). she could very well feel that your parents are now in the role that she had been in 3 years ago.
as for talking with your FH about it... though you want to let him know how you feel, what will it accomplish? i guess i just don't think she did anything wrong, so i'm not really sure what you'd say???
sorry you're upset by this...
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by Jmrosa1
FSIL is in the wedding and has complained about paying for everything so FMIL has been paying her portion pretty much. And for the shower neither of them came early to help set up and then left early on top of it, because FSIL had something to do. Are you kidding me...you only knew the date for how long?? And FMIL got us our bedding set, but the card said it was from FSIL as well. Which I don't believe. My mom went way above and beyond picking up the slack for the shower and getting me a gazillion presents to open. FIL are paying for the RD...and that was after convincing my FH to even ask them to do it.
You might be beating me in Words with Friends right now, but I think I got you beat here ... lol ...
FSIL did not come to the engagement party, or the shower, backed out of the BP, and she recently gave a whole song and dance on how she couldn't afford to come to the wedding! As far as shower gifts, I got a total of $50 in gift cards (addressed to myself and FH) from FH's whole side of the family, and they also left the shower before FH even came to pick me up! My mom paid for the entire shower herself, and she got me this insane coffee pot, as well as our flatware!
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
Posted by jovigirl414
Posted by Jmrosa1
FSIL is in the wedding and has complained about paying for everything so FMIL has been paying her portion pretty much. And for the shower neither of them came early to help set up and then left early on top of it, because FSIL had something to do. Are you kidding me...you only knew the date for how long?? And FMIL got us our bedding set, but the card said it was from FSIL as well. Which I don't believe. My mom went way above and beyond picking up the slack for the shower and getting me a gazillion presents to open. FIL are paying for the RD...and that was after convincing my FH to even ask them to do it.
You might be beating me in Words with Friends right now, but I think I got you beat here ... lol ...
FSIL did not come to the engagement party, or the shower, backed out of the BP, and she recently gave a whole song and dance on how she couldn't afford to come to the wedding! As far as shower gifts, I got a total of $50 in gift cards (addressed to myself and FH) from FH's whole side of the family, and they also left the shower before FH even came to pick me up! My mom paid for the entire shower herself, and she got me this insane coffee pot, as well as our flatware!
Beating you finally!!!! Lol
Yea I gave her the option to back out n said it was her decision. When somehow she heard I'm glad u understand I don't have money but I'd love to be in it wedding....ummmmm when did I say that I understand that? Lol. At least urs backed out and saved u the drama. Lol.
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Re: x post: question bout FMIL
I do know what the norm is but I can tell you what I have had so far. My FIL's gave us $2000 towards an engagement party (along with some wine!). They offered to give us $10,000 as a gift after the wedding or to use towards the wedding. They also offered to pay for anybody they invite from family friends over the total number of 50. My FIL's only have boys so this may be overly generous but honestly have no idea?
