Member since
XOXO
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
I felt like that too. We spent about 1-2 months fighting because of his family. Finally - we sat down with his family and had a fight/discussion. Then I followed up with a 2 hour call to his mom. And it stopped. They backed off because I held my ground.
The best thing to do is to figure out first what you and your FH want. Then involve the family. Everytime someone went crazy with a detail, I told them to get a hold of them selves that we didn't even book a hall yet.
Everyone feels like you do. Just find out what you want and take control of it. Someones feelings are bound to be hurt. Best not be yours on your one day. That is JMO
The best thing to do is to figure out first what you and your FH want. Then involve the family. Everytime someone went crazy with a detail, I told them to get a hold of them selves that we didn't even book a hall yet.
Everyone feels like you do. Just find out what you want and take control of it. Someones feelings are bound to be hurt. Best not be yours on your one day. That is JMO
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
You seem to have alot of time too. Dont worry too much about the money yet. Figure out what you want first.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
totally feel the same way. $$$ makes people crazy. i know that his family has different ideas then my family does. but we haven't gotten to the point where we are fighting about it. i already asked my parents for help and i know that they will give us a specific amount when i need it. fh mom just keeps saying that they are going to 'help' us, which i just don't believe. when it comes to the $$$ and what you want, just stand your ground, don't let them walk all over you.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
I feel the same way! I somtimes feel like my FIL's are going to make me miserable forever. I think FH needs to start controlling them now, as in tellig them how much they cna and cannot interfere. The precedent that's set now is the one that's going to follow you through your marriage. If tyey're overbearning now, imagine how they'll be over their grandkids?
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Yes, I feel the same way at times. Joining someone else's family is scary, however nice they are. Even about things that have nothing to do with wedding planning I completely disagree with the way his family handles situations. I know there are exceptions, but I think most people have aprehensions about getting married.
The thing is, are we ever going to find someone we love as much as our FH who has a family we can better deal with? I say probably not!
The thing is, are we ever going to find someone we love as much as our FH who has a family we can better deal with? I say probably not!
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Posted by lillian771
Yes, I feel the same way at times. Joining someone else's family is scary, however nice they are. Even about things that have nothing to do with wedding planning I completely disagree with the way his family handles situations. I know there are exceptions, but I think most people have aprehensions about getting married.
The thing is, are we ever going to find someone we love as much as our FH who has a family we can better deal with? I say probably not!
I agree with this. I would say my family definitely has different priorities in life than FH's, and that makes it difficult for me to understand sometimes. They are very warm and welcoming, but there are several areas we disagree on--some concerning what we will emphasize with our children in the future. No one is perfect though, and though in-laws do break up families, if you and FH have a strong enough bond it won't hurt your relationship. If I had to do it again I might have eloped in some exotic place....Would have avoided a great deal of $$ and stress...
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
UGH I feel the same way. I mean, i love FH's family b/c they live far away ![]()
are very generous and welcoming towards me and my family. HOWEVER< they are SO different than my family. Fine - you say - not a problem. But planning a wedding highlights differences, not similarities (unfortuantely). And the kicker is - this is about the bride and her day! (so I feel!) and I truly believe whatever my parents say goes - his parents think this should be the biggest wedding ever (HELLS NO!) and that I should invite their other son's girlfriend into my BP (HELLS NO!) they also are 'allowing' me to invite as many people as I want to their e-party they are throwing for us in OH. What a joke - as if I would invite anyone/expect anyone to come all the way from NY - esp. when my parents are throwing one for us as well!! They think my parents are silly for limiting the # of ppl. allowed at the wedding, so they are kind of throwing it back at me for 'Allowing' me any amount of people at their e-party. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Hey missy
it will be okay. i think you should have an all out talk with his family about what they want. then you can ask them 'if this is what you want then how are you going to help????' And if they are adement about not helping then you do what you want. that is it swee-t.
and if you came to the expo last night it would have made you feel better and you could have won your honeymoon!
You knew i would bring it up......![]()
it will be okay. i think you should have an all out talk with his family about what they want. then you can ask them 'if this is what you want then how are you going to help????' And if they are adement about not helping then you do what you want. that is it swee-t.
and if you came to the expo last night it would have made you feel better and you could have won your honeymoon!
You knew i would bring it up......
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
What I am getting here is that there is a lot more then money here. You can't stand his family, you can't stand him and you are afraid to get married, right? You don't want to plan things and he is giving you mixed signals. That is a lot of stuff and I REALLY think you should sit down with your fiance and get it all out. Maybe you shouldn't be getting married. I obviously don't know how you really feel inside, but don't plan a wedding if you are unsure. Take some time to sort things out. And don't be afraid NOT to get married.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Well I have the same thing going on over here. His (FI) family is so intrusive I can't stand it anymore, and he lives in the apartment downstairs from his parents, ughhhhh.......
For instance, when I asked his mother for a preliminary list from her side, she was going on and on with people like a friend of the families uncles children, what are you kidding me? Neither my FI or I have met those children. They seem to think that if you invite someone you have to invite the children as well. They, including my FI, say well if the parents come to the wedding what are they going to do with the children? Ummm lets see get a baby sitter or better yet, I really don't care!!!
When I told her that, she said to me 'Well it's my list of people and I can invite who I want' wellllllll I said ummm no you cannot, its OUR wedding and WE are paying for it and WE will invite who WE want at the wedding not you. Well she shut her mouth and that was the end of it. She has been a nasty ***** to me lately....but guess what I don't really care, stay out of my hair lady, LOL
Sorry for the long story but as you can see some of us have the same problems :) Just keep strong don't give in and you will be fine. You have to stand your ground if you want them to mind their own business. My inlaws are the most intrusive people I cannot stand even going there anymore.
Whewww that felt good to get out![]()
For instance, when I asked his mother for a preliminary list from her side, she was going on and on with people like a friend of the families uncles children, what are you kidding me? Neither my FI or I have met those children. They seem to think that if you invite someone you have to invite the children as well. They, including my FI, say well if the parents come to the wedding what are they going to do with the children? Ummm lets see get a baby sitter or better yet, I really don't care!!!
When I told her that, she said to me 'Well it's my list of people and I can invite who I want' wellllllll I said ummm no you cannot, its OUR wedding and WE are paying for it and WE will invite who WE want at the wedding not you. Well she shut her mouth and that was the end of it. She has been a nasty ***** to me lately....but guess what I don't really care, stay out of my hair lady, LOL
Sorry for the long story but as you can see some of us have the same problems :) Just keep strong don't give in and you will be fine. You have to stand your ground if you want them to mind their own business. My inlaws are the most intrusive people I cannot stand even going there anymore.
Whewww that felt good to get out
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Posted by QueensBride
Well I have the same thing going on over here. His (FI) family is so intrusive I can't stand it anymore, and he lives in the apartment downstairs from his parents, ughhhhh.......
For instance, when I asked his mother for a preliminary list from her side, she was going on and on with people like a friend of the families uncles children, what are you kidding me? Neither my FI or I have met those children. They seem to think that if you invite someone you have to invite the children as well. They, including my FI, say well if the parents come to the wedding what are they going to do with the children? Ummm lets see get a baby sitter or better yet, I really don't care!!!
When I told her that, she said to me 'Well it's my list of people and I can invite who I want' wellllllll I said ummm no you cannot, its OUR wedding and WE are paying for it and WE will invite who WE want at the wedding not you. Well she shut her mouth and that was the end of it. She has been a nasty ***** to me lately....but guess what I don't really care, stay out of my hair lady, LOL
Sorry for the long story but as you can see some of us have the same problems :) Just keep strong don't give in and you will be fine. You have to stand your ground if you want them to mind their own business. My inlaws are the most intrusive people I cannot stand even going there anymore.
Whewww that felt good to get out![]()
oh monkey forget everything i said and do what she did.
Member since
.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Wow! I sometimes feel like there is something wrong with me since my FMIL and I don't get along and she is so mean and intrusive to me. I am about at my limit and both my fiance and I are going to blow up at her b/c he sees how awful she treats me.
His mom has caused so much conflict in our relationship that we almost called off the wedding altogether b/c I couldn't take it anymore. I just kept thinking what will it be like when we have kids. We started seeing a counselor to help us deal with it. So we spend an hour twice a month talking about her behavior and how we can cope with it so that it doesn't hurt our relationship. Yes, we have tried several times to discuss our feelings with her and she just doesn't get it and then ends up hating me more b/c her little baby isn't siding with her. She is so irrational. Its ridiculous- like this is a competion or something. So the main thing we are doing now is setting up some boudaries with her and letting her know that we have a house and family now and she can't control our household!
Well, thanks for letting me vent! I really needed that. And its so nice that we are all her to support each other :)
His mom has caused so much conflict in our relationship that we almost called off the wedding altogether b/c I couldn't take it anymore. I just kept thinking what will it be like when we have kids. We started seeing a counselor to help us deal with it. So we spend an hour twice a month talking about her behavior and how we can cope with it so that it doesn't hurt our relationship. Yes, we have tried several times to discuss our feelings with her and she just doesn't get it and then ends up hating me more b/c her little baby isn't siding with her. She is so irrational. Its ridiculous- like this is a competion or something. So the main thing we are doing now is setting up some boudaries with her and letting her know that we have a house and family now and she can't control our household!
Well, thanks for letting me vent! I really needed that. And its so nice that we are all her to support each other :)
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
If it is ONLY about his family, then you need to delicately sit down and tell him what you are afraid of. If it is more then that, and there are a whole bunch of things that you are unhappy about, then you need to have a big old cry fest and let it all out to him and see how he feels too.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
I have the same issues. Question..what do you do when you TRY to stand your ground with his mother, but your FH is constantly on his mothers side? He sometimes prevents me from doing that because I am scared of the outcome (of our relationship). We are always arguing/fighting when his mother doesn't agree with something or wants something her way for our wedding..I feel like he always makes her number 1 and I can't get him to understand that...
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
Well, if it is really like that, and you are not overreacting, then just talk to him about it. If he doesn't think its a problem then you have to decide if you can live like that for the rest of your life!
Member since
.
Member since
Re: Fears and Apprehensions
You are SOOOO welcome! I plan to be a marriage counselor eventually so this is good practice ![]()
But when you do talk to the mother, say what is on your mind, but do not be disrespectful. You always want to maintain your composure.
Member since
