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XOXO
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Best of luck to you both!
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
ok...my turn:
fh is irish-italian, has been officially converting for about 2 months...he was doing some reading before he started meeting w/the rabbi (once we got engaged) and then stopped oddly enough...we've been together for 4 years and he's got about 17 months to finish converting before we get married (oh, and take the bar exam and deal with major family sagas related to the wedding all at the same time)
the holidays always seem to raise the stress level for us couples with one converting and the issues are so different than they are for interfaith couples...it's very hard to find a group of people dealing with these issues and value-conflicts, so thanks so much for starting this thread...anyone else?
fh is irish-italian, has been officially converting for about 2 months...he was doing some reading before he started meeting w/the rabbi (once we got engaged) and then stopped oddly enough...we've been together for 4 years and he's got about 17 months to finish converting before we get married (oh, and take the bar exam and deal with major family sagas related to the wedding all at the same time)
the holidays always seem to raise the stress level for us couples with one converting and the issues are so different than they are for interfaith couples...it's very hard to find a group of people dealing with these issues and value-conflicts, so thanks so much for starting this thread...anyone else?
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Hi there. Michele and I have been FMing about this - good idea for the thread!
My FH is Korean, but has no real religious background. His family has never observed any religion, although they have accepted some customs (exchanging gifts on Christmas, wreath on the door, etc.) that they see as 'American' if that makes sense. Originally, I thought it would be easier for him to convert, since he wasn't really exchanging one belief for another, but it has proved to be equally as challenging to go from not having religion in your life (and not believing in G-D) to accepting one in. After doing some research on his own for a couple of years, he officially started working with our Rabbi last January (knowing we would be getting engaged soon after) and the plan is for him to officially be converted by the end of this January. We are just waiting on a date from the Rabbi for the mikva, etc.
Holiday time is not as bad for us as I would imagine it is for others since he doesn't really celebrate Christmas. But, we do argue every year about what we will do, since both of us are used to just hanging out with our families and we want one to come with the other. It's so dumb, but always seems to happen. My mom also seems to think that his family is all into Christmas (no matter how much I tell her otherwise) and get annoyed that he goes home to spend the day with his parents... even though I do the same thing each year!
What kind of conversion are your FHs going thru? We are doing it Conservative. How does your FH like it? Is he into it? Has he found a deeper meaning from it or is he really just doing it because of your relationship? I know my FH is doing it for me, b/c he knew I would not marry him otherwise. The good thing is, although I know he would not be doing it otherwise (and isn't going to turn into Superjew), he doesn't hate it or find it as hard as I think he expected to.....
My FH is Korean, but has no real religious background. His family has never observed any religion, although they have accepted some customs (exchanging gifts on Christmas, wreath on the door, etc.) that they see as 'American' if that makes sense. Originally, I thought it would be easier for him to convert, since he wasn't really exchanging one belief for another, but it has proved to be equally as challenging to go from not having religion in your life (and not believing in G-D) to accepting one in. After doing some research on his own for a couple of years, he officially started working with our Rabbi last January (knowing we would be getting engaged soon after) and the plan is for him to officially be converted by the end of this January. We are just waiting on a date from the Rabbi for the mikva, etc.
Holiday time is not as bad for us as I would imagine it is for others since he doesn't really celebrate Christmas. But, we do argue every year about what we will do, since both of us are used to just hanging out with our families and we want one to come with the other. It's so dumb, but always seems to happen. My mom also seems to think that his family is all into Christmas (no matter how much I tell her otherwise) and get annoyed that he goes home to spend the day with his parents... even though I do the same thing each year!
What kind of conversion are your FHs going thru? We are doing it Conservative. How does your FH like it? Is he into it? Has he found a deeper meaning from it or is he really just doing it because of your relationship? I know my FH is doing it for me, b/c he knew I would not marry him otherwise. The good thing is, although I know he would not be doing it otherwise (and isn't going to turn into Superjew), he doesn't hate it or find it as hard as I think he expected to.....
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
My FH is studying with a Reconstructionist Rabbi, but we have not yet figured out who will make up the Bet Din. He is kind of into it, but with tremendous doubts--which I know is normal. It's just tough and I feel guilty b/c every once in a while, he'll break down and say he's only doing this for me...which is true...but i said from day one that we couldn't be in a serious relationship b/c he wasn't Jewish and he said he'd convert and didn't mind, so I guess I'm holding him to that. He definitely doesn't hate it and I think he finds it interesting...especially b/c he likes our Rabbi. He also has a lot of background knowledge b/c he went to Catholic school for his entire education and, of course, they study the Old Testament. Our Rabbi is very down to earth and non-hypocritical...we all like him a lot. The night we got engaged, we went to FH's(parents') house and we were all sitting at the table and his mom said, 'I know he'll hate me for this, but I have to ask you a question...would you still marry him if he said he didn't want to convert.' I had been expecting that question for a while...after the redness dissipated from my face, I said, 'I probably would, but I'd resent him for it...a LOT.' I gave the same answer in therapy (LOL), but added that the resentment would probably be strong enough to break us apart, which, in effect, would mean--no, we wouldn't get married--but I left that part out for FMIL!!
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Reconstructionist - that is very interesting. I wish we knew more about the Reconstructionist movement before we started this process, b/c as we've learned more about it (thru Intro to Judaism classes - did you and FH take any of those yet?) FH has found it to be something he is more drawn to then the Conservative movement. I admit that I don't fully understand the movement, but it seems less rigid then Conservative, but more religious then Reform.
I feel exactly like you - I definitely feel guilty sometimes, but like you, I always said that it was not an option for me to marry someone who is not Jewish and never sugar coated it. He knew what he was getting into from the start!![]()
But, that is the reason I am definitely going to be changing my last name(which I may not have done otherwise) to his, which is Chung. I feel like since he is doing his part to mesh our lives together, I am doing the same by taking his name and we can be the Jewish Chungs together!! We get hysterical thinking of the invite that will say - the Chungs invite you to their Passover Seder!! ![]()
I feel exactly like you - I definitely feel guilty sometimes, but like you, I always said that it was not an option for me to marry someone who is not Jewish and never sugar coated it. He knew what he was getting into from the start!
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
That's funny because I have definitely said to my mom 'if he's changing his religion, I can change my last name' when she has randomly panicked about his last name. It's hard to tease out what she says that I agree with and what is just over the top. I really am coming to understand the Reconstructionist movement by going to services (as rarely as that is) because the congregation is so accepting of people that noone (including the Rabbi) assumes than any congregant knows or should know something. Basically, everyone's opinions and values are considered in discussion about why things are done and what is really meaningful in Judaism. And you're right, I find it much more traditional than Reform, but not as tight or exclusive as Conservative. I think my Rabbi said something once about the difference between ritual and prayer and how different sects stress different ones and how it's important to balance both b/c they are both important. I think it was Orthodox that would stress ritual and Reform stressing prayer (maybe it was some other aspect). I think Conservative tends to be somewhat in the same line as Reconstructionist, but usually a little less inclusive. (The founder of Rec-Judaism, Mordechai Kaplan, basically invented the BAT mitzvah). Anyway, no I have not taken intro to J classes. Just relying on my crappy Hebrew School education (which happened to be Reform, but that's not what made it crappy)...as well as FH's reports of his meetings with the Rabbi ;)
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Hi Ladies,
I just wanted to let you know that my FI converted yesterday!!!![]()
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Now, he is officially Jewish! I am so happy and got way more emotional then I ever thought I would when it was over and he was declared 'official.' Overall, he said everything was not as bad/awkward as he thought. Let me know if you (or your FI) have any questions (feel free to get as specific as you like ![]()
- I know I had so many) about the whole process and ceremony.
How is everything going for you and your FIs?
I just wanted to let you know that my FI converted yesterday!!!
How is everything going for you and your FIs?
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Thank you!! ![]()
He chose the Hebrew name Nadir, because it means rare or scarce... and he figured as a Korean Jew that is exactly what he will be! We spent a lot of time going thru baby name books to find one he felt comfortable with. My parents are buying him a talis as a surprise and I plan on getting him a Kiddush cup with his name engraved on it. I thought we would use it in the wedding along with mine that I got as a Bat Mitzva present long ago.![]()
That is great that you have a date set for Matt's conversion. Coming up soon!!! Are you planning some kind of celebration for him? I gathered a bunch of his friends at a bar that night... and got him pretty loaded. Figured a few beers was the least of what he deserved!
I'll FM you with the other details... don't want to scare the few guys on this site!! Bottom line though - it didn't hurt.![]()
He chose the Hebrew name Nadir, because it means rare or scarce... and he figured as a Korean Jew that is exactly what he will be! We spent a lot of time going thru baby name books to find one he felt comfortable with. My parents are buying him a talis as a surprise and I plan on getting him a Kiddush cup with his name engraved on it. I thought we would use it in the wedding along with mine that I got as a Bat Mitzva present long ago.
That is great that you have a date set for Matt's conversion. Coming up soon!!! Are you planning some kind of celebration for him? I gathered a bunch of his friends at a bar that night... and got him pretty loaded. Figured a few beers was the least of what he deserved!
I'll FM you with the other details... don't want to scare the few guys on this site!! Bottom line though - it didn't hurt.
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Re: Those coverting to or fh converting to Judaism THREAD
Mazel Tov!!! ![]()
