XOXO

What does your FH say about all this? I would be FREAKING OUT!

If it were me though, I would let it go the night of, but open my mouth after the wedding/HM is over. Because its not something I feel I could let go, but would not want it to interfere with the day.

FH has to know how you feel, thats what a marriage is about, and sounds kinds weird and manipulative in my opinion.

Our RD was about the wedding party and thats IT...no family was even invited. Why would the OOT guests be there to begin with?

SOrry your dealing with this now!

I may be a total snot but I wouldn't attend the Friday thing only because I would feel it is rude to my family-but then again I just dont like my FMIL and we've been having issues about our RD too so it may just be my anger at my own FMIL

ETA we didn't want to have our RD the night before the wedding because we'd rather not be stressed and out the night before I'm assuming that was partially your reasoning as well and I can't imagine not spending my last day as a single woman with my own family but that is JMHO

wow, I'm so sorry that your FMIL is giving you such a hard time!

What a shame! It's your day

YOU Need to do what's good for YOU the night before your wedding. - If you want to be @ home w/ YOUR OWN family and friends- DO IT ! - Obviously your FMIL has no concern for you or your FH -
You'll be dammed if you do and dammed if you don't - So just do what YOU want to do !! Good Luck !

OMG...She sounds exactly like my FMIL. Your FH definitely needs to put his foot down.

Good Luck

I'm so sorry!

This might be the kind of thing you will not 'win' on, so it's a matter of dealing with the situation as it is right now. Let go the best you can, (i know, easier said than done- I would be fuming) and find the positive (None of her friends will be at your RD!) and then:

Go to her lame Friday night party for 20 minutes, say hello, have everyone fawn over you, act sickly sweet to her, and then say 'ta ta' as it IS the night before your wedding and you need to rest. Everyone will understand (except for FMIL, of course) and take off, with FH. You don't look like the bad guy, and she doesn't get to feel like she 'has' you for the evening.

Maybe by the time this rolls around anything she says and does will roll off your back - you will be blissfully close to marriage!

absolutely!! I agree completely with bunnymonkey.... go for 20 min and leave!!!!
YOU ARE THE BRIDE!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MAKE THE RULES!!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly I would want to be with my family the night before my weding or at the very least be able to choose what I want to do the night before.
That said I would tell her that the rehursal dinner is on Thursday. She can invite her family and on Friday I will be preparing for the following day and will not be able to attend!

I know this is probable easier said then done but at this point I wouldnt care. This is your wedding and she needs to be reminded of this. Take back controll and tell FH to handel his mother! The only exeption I would make is if she hand a brunch,lunch or reallly early dinner like 4 or 5. Then I would attend.

I'm sorry you have to deal with all this it's tottaly unessary nonsence!!!

Good Luck, I'm sure eitherway it will work out for you

Wow!!! Well, we just paid for our thing ourselves. It cost money though, and it is not at a resturant, mostly to avoid things like this. And FH's parents don't have the money. Anyway, I think that my first reaction to this is the evil, I would not go to the Friday event thing, reaction. Espeically if you really did not want to do something for the OOT guests. Alot of people just want something intimite, and nothing is wrong with that.

So I am afraid I am not of any real help, but I hope all works out.

For a brief moment, my FH and I were running into a similar situation with all of my out of town family. We could not have the RD any other next except the Friday because several members of my Bridal Party are from out of town - so it's Friday, but we are having only people at the Rehearsal itself, including parties, parents, readers, and grandparents. If we open it up to out of town family there will be over 80 people, and we refuse to do that. Not everyone will be happy I'm sure, but at some point you have to do what you want to do, especially the night before your wedding!! Luckily my FH's parents left the size/type of function up to us, and they'll take over from there.

I think your FH should talk to his mother - it's not fair to put you in this position, and it's tough for you since it's not your mother! I'm sure you want to avoid any conflict with her, and I understand she wants her out of town family there - but to be so stubborn and do what she wants regardless of your opinions is plain rude. hang in there, and keep us posted. If you do a small RD on the thursday, and then maybe friday make a brief appearance with your FH's OOT family's event, then leave and relax with your fam the night before your wedding...hopefully that will at least keep the peace. Hang in there!!