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XOXO
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Are you sure he isn't getting cold feet? How is your relationship otherwise?
I would sit down and have a long, serious talk with him. You have 6 mo. to go and you don't want your wedding day to be miserable, nor do you want to force him into anything. It is terrible that he won't be involved or even talk honeymoon's with you. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and it seems like he is taking that away from you. I would have a conversation with him and soon!
I would sit down and have a long, serious talk with him. You have 6 mo. to go and you don't want your wedding day to be miserable, nor do you want to force him into anything. It is terrible that he won't be involved or even talk honeymoon's with you. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and it seems like he is taking that away from you. I would have a conversation with him and soon!
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Eleanor, It sounds like you guys have a communication problem and you need to address this SOON!!!! This is supposed to be the man you are marrying, your best friend, and confidant. You shouldnt have to keep emotions to yourself.
Are you sure he wants the marriage too?????
Are you sure he wants the marriage too?????
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Posted by jellybean1420
Are you sure he isn't getting cold feet? How is your relationship otherwise?
I would sit down and have a long, serious talk with him. You have 6 mo. to go and you don't want your wedding day to be miserable, nor do you want to force him into anything. It is terrible that he won't be involved or even talk honeymoon's with you. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and it seems like he is taking that away from you. I would have a conversation with him and soon!
I agree. You need to have a serious conversation with him about this wedding. Is it the money situation he doesn't like, or the entire wedding in general? Get down to the bottom of his unhappiness.
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
when we first started planning the wedding, he said he wasn't excited because to him, a year is forever and he was sure by the 6 mo mark, he would be feeling how I do. Well, he doesn't. He didn't want the 'big wedding' because of issues he has w/ his family. I've asked him straight out if it's me. If he just doesn't want to marry me and this is what he says 'No, I want to marry you. I can see why you feel that I don't, but I do. I just didn't want this wedding' and I wasn't going to post this because I thought it was horrible, but whatever... we're driving upstate (for Thanksgiving) and he keeps telling me to 'look out for deer' so I know this was snotty, but after like 2 hours I said (joking) why do you think I care so much about the deer? to witch he responds 'can't you at least pretend? I mean, I pretend to care about your wedding stuff everyday' he started laughing and he said he was kidding... but he wasn't, and it hurt myy feelings..... he said he was sorry.... I do believe he loves me, that he wants to marry me.... BUT I would like him to want to have this wedding. How can it be a happy day if he doesn't want it?
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Eleanor, I hate to be straight w/ you, but honestly it sounds as if you guys have a lot of things to work out. It just never seems that you can relax w/ FH, you have to be careful of what you say and how you act and it just doesn't seem as if you are truly happy (maybe I'm wrong, and I truly hope I am), but it just seems that you post more negative and unpleasant things than, 'I'm so excited' or 'I feel so great about'...have you taken a long, hard look at your FH...can you honestly see yourself with him for the next 50 years? Are you truly compatible? Do you both have the same desires for the future?
I was married b4 & at the time I got so caught up in the planning and making sure I had a perfect day, but when it was all over and we were sitting in our new home after the hm, reality set in....and the things that were a problem beforehand only get magnified afterwards. Looking back I wish that he/I went to counseling beforehand or that we had some serious conversations.
I wish you nothing but the best Eleanor, I just want you to be happy![]()
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I was married b4 & at the time I got so caught up in the planning and making sure I had a perfect day, but when it was all over and we were sitting in our new home after the hm, reality set in....and the things that were a problem beforehand only get magnified afterwards. Looking back I wish that he/I went to counseling beforehand or that we had some serious conversations.
I wish you nothing but the best Eleanor, I just want you to be happy
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
I think this sounds like more then money issues with the wedding. You should sit and talk to him, ask him what is going on.
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
First I think that losing a few deposits might be worth saving a relationship. If he truly wants to marry you then talk about that. Tell him that if it is truly what he wants then it can be done. But you guys need to talk! From all your previous posts it seems as if he really isn't interested at all. In anything. But then again.... we are a venting board and we may only hear the worst. Only you and him can decide what is best. I wish you luck Eleanor.... but you really do need to talk with each other.
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Posted by BJandDan
First I think that losing a few deposits might be worth saving a relationship. If he truly wants to marry you then talk about that. Tell him that if it is truly what he wants then it can be done. But you guys need to talk! From all your previous posts it seems as if he really isn't interested at all. In anything. But then again.... we are a venting board and we may only hear the worst. Only you and him can decide what is best. I wish you luck Eleanor.... but you really do need to talk with each other.
I agree...I feel for you becasue as BJ said, all of your posts seem like you are not happy and things are rocky between you and FH. I just wanted to add that a marriage will not save a relationship in trouble. I wish you the best, keep us updated
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Posted by stephanief
Posted by BJandDan
First I think that losing a few deposits might be worth saving a relationship. If he truly wants to marry you then talk about that. Tell him that if it is truly what he wants then it can be done. But you guys need to talk! From all your previous posts it seems as if he really isn't interested at all. In anything. But then again.... we are a venting board and we may only hear the worst. Only you and him can decide what is best. I wish you luck Eleanor.... but you really do need to talk with each other.
I agree...I feel for you becasue as BJ said, all of your posts seem like you are not happy and things are rocky between you and FH. I just wanted to add that a marriage will not save a relationship in trouble. I wish you the best, keep us updated
I do agree I think you guys need to have a honest talk about everything.![]()
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
I think its important to distinguish whether its the wedding or the marriage that he doesn't want.![]()
My heart goes out to you![]()
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I hope things work out for you and your FH![]()
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
if you need anything fm me.
you guys def need to talk about alot of things
glad u are goin to premarital tomorrow
keep us posted
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you guys def need to talk about alot of things
glad u are goin to premarital tomorrow
keep us posted
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Eleanor, first off ![]()
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, second, losing deposits is not a reason to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy, third, if you cancel the hall 6 months or more in advance you will get your money back on that, because that is the law in Suffolk County, fourth, (and my no means last) I am really and truly concerned about you. I have yet to see a post from you about how excited you are, how excited FH is, or anything. It is always posts about how he said something to hurt your feelings, or how his mom said something to hurt your feelings, or his friends said something and he didn't defend you etc. Having met you, I can say that you are a very pretty girl who does NOT have a weight problem, but you have managed to surround yourself with people who tell you otherwise.
The two of you appear to have major communication problems, and are in serious need of counseling. If you are feeling like you should call off the wedding, you need to get to the root of that feeling, and find out if your gut is telling you to do what is right for you. It is very easy to be in love with the idea of being in love and getting married, and confuse that with actual love for your other half. Please spare yourself later heartache by figuring it all out NOW, not later.
Fell free to FM if you want to talk more.![]()
The two of you appear to have major communication problems, and are in serious need of counseling. If you are feeling like you should call off the wedding, you need to get to the root of that feeling, and find out if your gut is telling you to do what is right for you. It is very easy to be in love with the idea of being in love and getting married, and confuse that with actual love for your other half. Please spare yourself later heartache by figuring it all out NOW, not later.
Fell free to FM if you want to talk more.
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
This is definitely a stressful time for relationships - we went thru our arguments because our family drove us insane in the early stages of wedding planning - we went to counseling to work on a lot of these issues - but most of all we talked - we talked until 4 in the morning for weeks, but we knew we always could talk to each other and work these things thru. I learned that this will be what gets us thru almost anything in the relationship, and if we didnt have this, we would have never been able to work it out, and we would have had to end things.
You guys need to go to counseling to work on HOW to talk to each other - it is hard for some people, especially for most men (I say most because in our relationship I'm the one who has more trouble...) but wedding is a very concrete thing your FH is focusing on, and it could really be symbolic of other issues he does not feel comf. approaching or may not even be aware what those issues are.
you are right, this should be the best time for you, and if there are only 6 mts. to go and this stuff is still going on, you need to work on it. I almost got engaged in my last relationship to save what was falling apart. One day I sat and thought - ok, after the wedding, then what? After the HM, then what? Kids? After the kids, then what? And I got so scared realizing I was already projecting into the future other ways of saving a relationship I knew was ending, and the only solution I could come up with was kids - and I asked myself why would I want to bring more people into this mess????
So I had to end things. It was so hard, but it worked out for the best.
i'm not saying you should end things at all, but think - think next year, 2 years, 5 years - what do you see? If it doesnt look good, think about how much you would be saving...
Good luck!!! I hope things work out for the both of you...
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You guys need to go to counseling to work on HOW to talk to each other - it is hard for some people, especially for most men (I say most because in our relationship I'm the one who has more trouble...) but wedding is a very concrete thing your FH is focusing on, and it could really be symbolic of other issues he does not feel comf. approaching or may not even be aware what those issues are.
you are right, this should be the best time for you, and if there are only 6 mts. to go and this stuff is still going on, you need to work on it. I almost got engaged in my last relationship to save what was falling apart. One day I sat and thought - ok, after the wedding, then what? After the HM, then what? Kids? After the kids, then what? And I got so scared realizing I was already projecting into the future other ways of saving a relationship I knew was ending, and the only solution I could come up with was kids - and I asked myself why would I want to bring more people into this mess????
So I had to end things. It was so hard, but it worked out for the best.
i'm not saying you should end things at all, but think - think next year, 2 years, 5 years - what do you see? If it doesnt look good, think about how much you would be saving...
Good luck!!! I hope things work out for the both of you...
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
Posted by SweetCin704
Eleanor, I hate to be straight w/ you, but honestly it sounds as if you guys have a lot of things to work out. It just never seems that you can relax w/ FH, you have to be careful of what you say and how you act and it just doesn't seem as if you are truly happy (maybe I'm wrong, and I truly hope I am), but it just seems that you post more negative and unpleasant things than, 'I'm so excited' or 'I feel so great about'...have you taken a long, hard look at your FH...can you honestly see yourself with him for the next 50 years? Are you truly compatible? Do you both have the same desires for the future?
I was married b4 & at the time I got so caught up in the planning and making sure I had a perfect day, but when it was all over and we were sitting in our new home after the hm, reality set in....and the things that were a problem beforehand only get magnified afterwards. Looking back I wish that he/I went to counseling beforehand or that we had some serious conversations.
I wish you nothing but the best Eleanor, I just want you to be happy![]()
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I am in 100% agreement w/ Cindy.
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
really try to get him TALKING about it. its not fair to either of you to not communicate. it sounds like its his family that is stressing him out when he thinks about the wedding. i totally understand that cause some of my family makes me think like 'i just want to elope' but he needs to get over it and to get happy about the wedding. or you will have to compromise with him
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Re: I feel like I should elope....
First allow me to say that I am very sorry you are going through this right now. If ever a woman needs the support of her partner, it is throughout the entire wedding process.
Traditionally, men didn't care too much about planning much past picking a date and a venue - leaving all plans to a bride and her family. But now that more and more grooms are splitting costs with brides themselves or with BOTH sets of parents, they have become instrumental in planning all aspects of the wedding. With all of us here talking about how involved our FHs are, its no wonder you feel the way you do. It is apparent that you want him to care a little more about things that YOU care about in regard to your wedding. He may or he may not. For the sake of argument he COULD be traditional. BUT after reading some of your previous posts over the past couple of months, in my opinion, if you are accurately representing his thoughts and feelings in your words, then I would tend to believe he is not. I am sorry if that sounds hurtful but I feel some sort of duty (especially if you are opening yourself up to us in search of advice) to tell you.
As far as the 'deposits' issue goes, don't even give it a second thought. If you spoke to your family the way you spoke to us, I bet you your father would forfeit anything to make sure his child was happy - no matter how old you are. A few hundred or a couple thousand dollars lost is nothing compared to a lifetime of heartache and unhappiness.
I had been in a situation, years ago, when someone I loved and cared for with all of my heart and soul led me to believe our relationship was solid. I was under the impression that our engagement was imminent and we would last forever. When we split up, he told me that he should have ended things two years before - he had been going through the motions doing what everyone expected him to do. He was not true to himself and therefore not true to me. I for one, was in love with love and blinded by all of those things that were 'promised' to me NOT seeing that the relationship (though not by any means abusive OR neglectful) was destructive. We werent right for each other. Plain and simple
I am sorry if this hurts you but Id rather see someone as sweet and caring as you are with somebody who has your best interest at heart and who loves you for all of the wonderful gifts you have to give.![]()
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Traditionally, men didn't care too much about planning much past picking a date and a venue - leaving all plans to a bride and her family. But now that more and more grooms are splitting costs with brides themselves or with BOTH sets of parents, they have become instrumental in planning all aspects of the wedding. With all of us here talking about how involved our FHs are, its no wonder you feel the way you do. It is apparent that you want him to care a little more about things that YOU care about in regard to your wedding. He may or he may not. For the sake of argument he COULD be traditional. BUT after reading some of your previous posts over the past couple of months, in my opinion, if you are accurately representing his thoughts and feelings in your words, then I would tend to believe he is not. I am sorry if that sounds hurtful but I feel some sort of duty (especially if you are opening yourself up to us in search of advice) to tell you.
As far as the 'deposits' issue goes, don't even give it a second thought. If you spoke to your family the way you spoke to us, I bet you your father would forfeit anything to make sure his child was happy - no matter how old you are. A few hundred or a couple thousand dollars lost is nothing compared to a lifetime of heartache and unhappiness.
I had been in a situation, years ago, when someone I loved and cared for with all of my heart and soul led me to believe our relationship was solid. I was under the impression that our engagement was imminent and we would last forever. When we split up, he told me that he should have ended things two years before - he had been going through the motions doing what everyone expected him to do. He was not true to himself and therefore not true to me. I for one, was in love with love and blinded by all of those things that were 'promised' to me NOT seeing that the relationship (though not by any means abusive OR neglectful) was destructive. We werent right for each other. Plain and simple
I am sorry if this hurts you but Id rather see someone as sweet and caring as you are with somebody who has your best interest at heart and who loves you for all of the wonderful gifts you have to give.
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Re: ,
Posted by conigs25
Posted by SweetCin704
Eleanor, I hate to be straight w/ you, but honestly it sounds as if you guys have a lot of things to work out. It just never seems that you can relax w/ FH, you have to be careful of what you say and how you act and it just doesn't seem as if you are truly happy (maybe I'm wrong, and I truly hope I am), but it just seems that you post more negative and unpleasant things than, 'I'm so excited' or 'I feel so great about'...have you taken a long, hard look at your FH...can you honestly see yourself with him for the next 50 years? Are you truly compatible? Do you both have the same desires for the future?
I was married b4 & at the time I got so caught up in the planning and making sure I had a perfect day, but when it was all over and we were sitting in our new home after the hm, reality set in....and the things that were a problem beforehand only get magnified afterwards. Looking back I wish that he/I went to counseling beforehand or that we had some serious conversations.
I wish you nothing but the best Eleanor, I just want you to be happy![]()
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I am in 100% agreement w/ Cindy.
Ditto...I think you you're in some sort of denial Eleanor...its better to come clean now than AFTER you spend thousands of dollars...you deserve to be happy...yet all we ever from you is negative posts...Im sorry but its the truth...
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What happened?? Why did you delete the initial post?? I hope you are doing ok![]()
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