Member since
XOXO
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
I feel the same way. It seems like everytime I show her something or bring something up she is not interested. One day I was over at their house and FH was still not home from work yet. She and I were the only ones there. So I often feel like we dont have a lot to talk about so I brought out mags and started to talk about the wedding. I felt like she 'entertained' me for a few minutes and the started to watch Judge Judy. I was slightly offended. Sometimes I feel it is because I am not doing everything exactly 'traditional' or exactly how she wants. For example......I am wearing flip flops the whole day...ceremony and everything. I love my flip flops and even wear them in the winter. I'm thinking of decorating them with with jewels and stuff. It also seemed like the perfect idea b/c Fh is the same height as me. Everytime it is broguht up she makes a comment or somehting. She almost choke when I told her I am going to let my BM wear them too. My list can go on and on but I don't think I would have enough room. I don't think I was of much help but at least know u r not alone. ![]()
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
See, with me.. my FH is closer to his Aunt (mother's sister) than to his mom.. and when I looked at the hall a second time, I brought FH Aunt and MY mom.. I have enough input from my family that I really don't need her input.. and it's not like I don't like her, but I'd rather not have her input.. Like, me and FH are going to have to buy her dress otherwise she would show up in sweatpants.. I am not happy that we have another needless expense, but what can we do?
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
I will try to involve her as much as I can
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
My FMIL is from Europe, so what we do here on LI is so much MORE than they are used to. She's not really involved all that much, but i'm ok with that, cause I know she loves me and is happy that me and FH are getting married. I'll probably be taking her dress shopping in the fall, but other than that she's not really involved. I know FH keeps her up-to-date on what we've been doing.
Honestly,i'm totally OK with this and not at all offended by it. Maybe its because i don't think she would really get why we do what we do, and she hasn't been condescending or anything at all.
also, i have to admit, i'm much happier that she's not involved than if she tried to get involved in every aspect of everything. I think that would cause a lot of problems, cause I can be a bit of a control freak and would not be happy if she were always throwing in her 2bits. I'd say consider yourself lukcy that they're letting you do your thing . jmo
Honestly,i'm totally OK with this and not at all offended by it. Maybe its because i don't think she would really get why we do what we do, and she hasn't been condescending or anything at all.
also, i have to admit, i'm much happier that she's not involved than if she tried to get involved in every aspect of everything. I think that would cause a lot of problems, cause I can be a bit of a control freak and would not be happy if she were always throwing in her 2bits. I'd say consider yourself lukcy that they're letting you do your thing . jmo
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
I have kind of the opposite problem - my fmil is really into the whole wedding thing, and I don't know how to balance involving her with doing it how I really want to do it, which is alone with my mom and MOH. I want to avoid getting too many opinons flying around there. On the other hand though, this is her only child, so I think it's only right that she get to join in the fun a little bit.
I've already had one experience dress shopping with just my mom though... I don' t think I want to deal with have TWO moms offering their opinions, especially as she and my mom seem to have exact opposite tastes in things!
I'm starting by inviting her to come to the LIW expo this weekend, and I will take it from there. It seems like a good place to start because an expo is about just throwing ideas around, not about actually making any decisions, so I can get a feeling for her approach to things and what she is interested in and build off of that.
This whole balancing two families thing is so complicated!
I've already had one experience dress shopping with just my mom though... I don' t think I want to deal with have TWO moms offering their opinions, especially as she and my mom seem to have exact opposite tastes in things!
I'm starting by inviting her to come to the LIW expo this weekend, and I will take it from there. It seems like a good place to start because an expo is about just throwing ideas around, not about actually making any decisions, so I can get a feeling for her approach to things and what she is interested in and build off of that.
This whole balancing two families thing is so complicated!
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
sorry you are feeling down about your FMIL--but may I perhaps play devil's advocate here?
maybe the issue is that she's not going crazy about the wedding and asking lots of questions is because your wedding is almost 1 1/2 yrs. away from now! i think we all are sooo excited and wedding crazy about our upcoming nuptials that we forget that it's not the #1 priority for everyone else. we could talk about weddings all the time 7 days a week--but other members of our family are not like this. maybe she feels like--it's a long ways away...and there's no point in asking a lot of q's about it now! she may just not want to talk about the wedding for the next 17 months!
my own mother doesn't ask me a lot of stuff about the wedding, because in her eyes, it's a year away (and we've been engaged already for almost a year), and she doesn't want to grow sick of it before the day even arrives!
maybe the issue is that she's not going crazy about the wedding and asking lots of questions is because your wedding is almost 1 1/2 yrs. away from now! i think we all are sooo excited and wedding crazy about our upcoming nuptials that we forget that it's not the #1 priority for everyone else. we could talk about weddings all the time 7 days a week--but other members of our family are not like this. maybe she feels like--it's a long ways away...and there's no point in asking a lot of q's about it now! she may just not want to talk about the wedding for the next 17 months!
my own mother doesn't ask me a lot of stuff about the wedding, because in her eyes, it's a year away (and we've been engaged already for almost a year), and she doesn't want to grow sick of it before the day even arrives!
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
my FMIL is very interested in the planning... but i want to do some stuff on my own or just with my mom and my sister. We brought both parents to the hall when we booked it and I went to a bridal show w/ both moms and my sister. We're going to start gown shopping soon.. but I'm not bringing FMIL until I either pick the dress or am narrowing it down. I don't want too many opinions and I think its something to do with just my mother and sister.
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
join the club---
my feelings do get hurt a lot but i have the strength of my family and friends, and i know that i am trying my best to include her in every aspect wether or not she is interested--
hope this helps :)
![]()
![]()
![]()
my feelings do get hurt a lot but i have the strength of my family and friends, and i know that i am trying my best to include her in every aspect wether or not she is interested--
hope this helps :)
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
Posted by MJDoc12
maybe the issue is that she's not going crazy about the wedding and asking lots of questions is because your wedding is almost 1 1/2 yrs. away from now! i think we all are sooo excited and wedding crazy about our upcoming nuptials that we forget that it's not the #1 priority for everyone else. we could talk about weddings all the time 7 days a week--but other members of our family are not like this. maybe she feels like--it's a long ways away...and there's no point in asking a lot of q's about it now! she may just not want to talk about the wedding for the next 17 months!
This is a good point. Your wedding is still a ways off. Maybe when it comes closer to your date she'll get more excited. When the time comes, you invite her to come on vendor meetings and go dress shopping, etc. Hopefully she'll warm up in time.
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
My FMIL gets a little sketchy at wedding talk. In fact we haven't even told her that we set a date or put down our deposit on the hall or anything. Her and I had 1 conversation about it and it didn't go all that well. However she did call me the next day and apologized to me. I have a feeling it is just hard for her. My FH's father died at a very young age and it has only been the 3 kids and her since. My FH is the oldest and the one most like her husband...so I think it is hard to really see him become someone's husband. So I am going to try and tread lightly. She is great and treats me good but I need to watch her feelings during this too.
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
Its the saem way with me...I'm stilll waiting on a congratulations from FH's family and we've been engaged 7months. So much less for planning
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
I knew that the FIL's would not take part in any of the planning. FH had warned me about this. I think it has something to do with them not being able to contribute (not that my parents are, but that was our choice). I mean I tod my FMIL about some of the dresses I tried on but I wouldn't ask her to come. And she hasn't asked about anything except 'are we sure we can afford this'
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
My FMIL lives in FLorida... we are cool... she asks min questions.. NOT a problem- sometimes.
She is now on top of the guest list... I guess everyone will come around when half of the stress and work is done.![]()
![]()
BTW: I love my FIL's they are the coolest....![]()
She is now on top of the guest list... I guess everyone will come around when half of the stress and work is done.
BTW: I love my FIL's they are the coolest....
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
i am really close withmy FILs so I dont mind thier opinions and help. What I love is that both sets of parents give us thier opinions but tell us that the bottom line decisions are ours. They dont impose and thats great. But they do share in our excitement & that is evern better.
My FMIL is awsome i include her in everything. The more the merrier!!!![]()
My FMIL is awsome i include her in everything. The more the merrier!!!
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
i would say just keep doing what your doing that way when all is said and done.....she cant say you didnt try.....some women are just that way ......god forbid the spotlight is not on them for once.....
Member since
Re: involving FMIL in wedding planning
Posted by soon2bmrsdunn
I knew that the FIL's would not take part in any of the planning. FH had warned me about this. I think it has something to do with them not being able to contribute (not that my parents are, but that was our choice). I mean I tod my FMIL about some of the dresses I tried on but I wouldn't ask her to come. And she hasn't asked about anything except 'are we sure we can afford this'
