XOXO

Somehow you and Mom have to be able to compromise....
I understand she is paying for it, but it is your wedding. The last thing you want is to have memories of a day that wasn't 'you'.
Maybe you can show her the tons of different weddings that are being planned on her, the other ideas, the fact that things are as traditionally or set in stone as they used to be.

Maybe it'll help her understand and see your viewpoint on your big day.

Man oh man. See that is tough b/c they are paying, but that doesn't mean that it is THEIR wedding. I think you need to seriously have a talk with her and let her know how you are feeling. Just tell her that you feel like you have no input into what you want for your own wedding. I would say something like, I am extremely greatful that you are paying for the wedding , however, i feel like I have no input, and I feel like my opinions don't matter at all. It is still my wedding.

I would kind of let her realize that it'sYOUR wedding, and if she is going to say that it doesn't matter or w/e b/c she is paying for it, then maybe you want to reconsider having them pay for it. ? Sorry hun, I hope things work out.

As a mom I would do and did do anything to make my sons and DIL's happy for their wedding. After all it was their day. I understand that your mom is paying but she should still consider your feelings and let you be the bride you would like to be. Question, did your mom have a wedding of her own? If not then maybe she is living through you right now and that, too, is not right.
Try to talk to her calmly and see if you can bring her around to your side or to at least take your likes and dislikes into consideration.

Good luck and keep us informed.

Liz

Can you maybe split tasks with your mom? For example, if you really don't care about the cake, give that to her. If you really care about the music, keep that task for yourself.

Or, narrow the choice down to a few and then go with her to make the final decision. That way, even if she chooses one of those few, you won't mind since you love them all.

For example, I did that with the cake. I really wanted to choose the cake but knew my DH's choice wasn't going to be the same as mine. So I went the week before and choose three from all the pictures. Then I went back with him and showed him the three pics and let him pick. That way, he felt he was contributing and I wasn't disappointed in his choice.

---

Posted by doll2119

We have tried splitting up the tasks but that hasnt been working out! For example, I am working on finding a photographer and when I told her I dont think I want to go with the one her friend suggested she told me she thinks I am making a mistake and I should reconsider etc... While she doesnt say NO she makes me feel bad about my decision and makes me feel like all my time and effort researching photographers counts for nothing. And in the end, if even a minute detail would go wrong, she will definitely say I told you so...

She had a pretty big wedding herself and she said she planned it all herself!

---

I was in the same position as you. My mother single handedly planned my brother's wedding 5 years ago, and there were 300 attendees there. It was a great event and I was very impressed with her. So when I got engaged, she brought out her folder from my brother's wedding and started calling all the same vendors without consulting me. My parents paid for most of the wedding so I didn't really know what to say.

What I did do was book all the other stuff like the cake, the invitations, favors, hair/makeup. My mom booked everything else.

I spoke to each and every vendor (even ones she booked) and told them what I wanted. I never told her I did this since she would want to be in on the call! The photographer knew what shots I wanted, the florist knew what colors I didn't want, and the caterer knew how spicy each dish should be.

My advice is to pick your battles and don't stand down. So what if something goes wrong and your mom says I told you so?! Tell her, you'll take responsibility. The more you let her push, the more she will push. You won't get everything you want, but make a list of your MUST HAVES and fight for those.

i hate to say it, but that's usually what happens when parents are the ones who are paying for the wedding. It's kinda like that saying 'Whoever has the gold makes the rules'. If she's paying for it, then she does have a right to do things the way she wants and to invite people even if you don't know them. I would hope, however, that she'd consider your ideas and feelings due to the fact that it still IS your wedding, not hers. But I don't know how you would handle this. It would be hard for you to stand up against her when she IS the one putting down money for it. You might just need to let certain things slide. If you feel strongly on something, however, I hope that you would be able to talk it out with her since you're both adults and I assume she's had a wedding of her own in the past, so I feel like she would understand.

That was one of the biggest reasons why me & FH are doing this wedding entirely on our own. Since we're not getting any help, it can't be as big as I would have maybe wanted, but it's going to be gorgeous either way and it's ours. Nobody can tell us what to do or who to invite. It's a good feeling to have control of my own wedding.

If I were in your situation, I would just suck it up and let my mom have her way on the things that I CAN let slide. But if you feel strongly on a matter, you need to let it be known, because no matter who is putting down the money it's still you wedding day. I'm sure your mother wants everything to be perfect for you as well. Just be sure to let her know how much you do appreciate her help. Nothing's worse than feeling as though you're being taken advantage of, ya know?

I am so sorry to hear about this.

I will say that my FMIL & FSIL feel that my wedding should be the way they want it. I no longer speak to them and would prefer if they did not show up to my wedding.

My parents are paying for the wedding and have not said a work. Just put money in the bank for me to pay for things.

I would sit your mother down and tell her that you are only doing this once and you would like it to be your way.

I hope things work out for you.

I had this happening with my mom in the beginning of the planning stages. I think it was more from her being so excited that she wanted to share ALL of her ideas with me.

i think you should take your mom out to lunch and let her know how she is making you feel. I explained to my mom that I am very grateful for all she has done for me and I do value her opinion but that she had to realize that this was MY day and MY wedding.

we got through it and she has been a pleasure every since.