XOXO

AdriandSteve Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:38 AM

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little j Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:40 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

are your boys and girls numbers even? you can blame it on that.

RitasEngaged Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:41 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

I would just be honest - she should have never assumed she was in the BP - just say you have all your people already

regy_k Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:42 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

cant u just call her? email things seems very impersonal IMO
just tell her that due to her living far and u guys dont see each other that much (im assuming here) plus her flying out for the wedding u dont want her to take on obligations shes not sure she can deliver in practice.
when all else fails just be honest: no matter how good friends u 2 are, ur closer to the other ppl more

AngnShaun Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:44 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

Posted by regy_k

cant u just call her? email things seems very impersonal IMO
just tell her that due to her living far and u guys dont see each other that much (im assuming here) plus her flying out for the wedding u dont want her to take on obligations shes not sure she can deliver in practice.
when all else fails just be honest: no matter how good friends u 2 are, ur closer to the other ppl more

I was just going to say email is probably not a good way to go about it....

kris_gets_hitched Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:49 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

I was in a similar position, and I told her honestly that due to distance (she also lived out-of-state) and that we wanted a small BP to avoid crazy logisitics and unnecessary drama (which was a dig at her jerky comments to me about how I'm too young to get married - I'm 28! ), she would not be in it.

Honesty is the best policy, and I'd go with a phone call rather than e-mail. It's sometimes difficult to understand the tone of a person in the written word, KWIM?

Bride825 Posted: Aug 13, 2009 10:55 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

just be honest and explain why you chose the people in your bp and why if you put her in you might hurt your other friends...HTH Good luck

FutureCap Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:01 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

I have had a friend constantly implying that I just have not asked her yet... but she is also not in it. Everyday she asks me if everyone in the bridal party has been asked and has made comments about my being in her wedding someday if she gets married. she even offered to decorate the wishing well, etc. I finally just listed out all the girls in the BP and said I just have one left to ask and told her who. I personally think that its you BP and you really should not have to explain to anyone why they are not in it... i don't mean to sound cold but it is a personal decision and every person will cost more money as well... we have 8 guys and 8 girls and 5 kids on ours! You really should not have explain yourself to anyone

soontobecruz Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:12 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

Who assumes they are in someone's wedding????

Anway, I would call her and explain that you are having a small BP and it isn't anything against her it is just how you and Steve invision your day. Explain that you would still love her input and her friendship means the world but sadly this is how it is going to be.

If she is a good friend she won't be mad, she might be let down which is ok, but she shouldn't be mad. If she gets mad be glad you didn't ask her in the first place bc then she would have just been a drama starter...

HTH

MarjorieFrank Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:16 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

I have a similar problem... someone is assuming she is a BM and she's not. I have been ignoring the topic for months, but I think I am going to tell her soon. Next time I see her I am just going to explain the truth.
If I were you I would either use a made-up excuse or tell her the truth. That is up to you and the relationship you have with her.
Good Luck!!

christine2010 Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

i was in the same situation.

& yes people do just assume stuff like this.

when i asked FH for help he told me to do it like pulling off a band-aid. call her up & just say that she will not be in the bridal party because _______. (with me its because i am only having my cousins).

but tell her how you look forward to her being at your wedding.

just be honest, if she is truly a good friend she will understand.

Lsorrent Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

I'm with the other girls. First, I wouldn't do it via email - I think it's the easy way out, JMO.

But I'd explain to her that you don't want her to have to worry about the finances of being in the BP since she already needs to pay for a flight (or car ride) and hotel room since she's OOT. Also, to keep her involved, maybe make her like a DOC (if you don't have one). Let her be your go-to person to handle emergencies, or last minute things. Like let her be the one to carry around safety pins, bobby pins, etc. That way she's still involved but doesn't have to worry about those things until the day of.

shelbylove918 Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:21 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

i have the same prob sorta.. except i was in this persons wedding.. but i cant have her in mine. i have too many people already and my friends in the party i have known a lot longer and closer too. what do i do to? i need help... do u say anything at all.. or let them know u cant have that person in your wedding

AdriandSteve Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:22 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

soontobecruz Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:23 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

Posted by AdriandSteve

Thanks for the thoughts. Do i just come out and say, 'you're not in my bridal party?' 'i've decided to not have you as a bridesmaid?' lol. 'I'm having a,b,c,d,e,f,g, as bridesmaids' and just have her see she isn't one and explain why?

ugh

I would say....

I know you have mentioned about being in the BP but I have to be honest. I can't have you.... explain why.... and that be it

This way it's like your only coming out and saying it bc she has made it so clear she thinks she is already

AngnShaun Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:24 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

Posted by AdriandSteve

Thanks for the thoughts. Do i just come out and say, 'you're not in my bridal party?' 'i've decided to not have you as a bridesmaid?' lol. 'I'm having a,b,c,d,e,f,g, as bridesmaids' and just have her see she isn't one and explain why?

ugh

what i would say:

'You keep mentioning about being in the Bridal Party, there is no easy way to say this, but I am not asking anyone else to be in it (state reason why, if you have one)'

MrsSoto Posted: Aug 13, 2009 11:42 AM

Re: How do I tell someone she's not in the bridal party?

Posted by soontobecruz

Posted by AdriandSteve

Thanks for the thoughts. Do i just come out and say, 'you're not in my bridal party?' 'i've decided to not have you as a bridesmaid?' lol. 'I'm having a,b,c,d,e,f,g, as bridesmaids' and just have her see she isn't one and explain why?

ugh

I would say....

I know you have mentioned about being in the BP but I have to be honest. I can't have you.... explain why.... and that be it

This way it's like your only coming out and saying it bc she has made it so clear she thinks she is already

i agree with this. and maybe add, since you have mentioned it, it wouldnt have be right for me (you) to not say anything to you so i wanted to address it so there would be no hard feelings or uncomfortableness...she should recognize that you didnt HAVE to say anything to her since she shouldnt have assumed in the first place that she was in it